Crashing the Dandy Coot

Posted on Sat Mar 30th, 2019 @ 11:57pm by Lieutenant Samuel Clemens XV & Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Lieutenant Asa Dael

Mission: Detours
Location: USS Hera Sickbay Triage Area
Timeline: Right after the sparring match with Dox

The whine of inter-ship transport filled the well-appointed medbay, as the limp form of Lieutenant Samuel Clemens (the somethingorother) materialized directly on the transport-tagged-and-enhanced crash-bed. He was clearly unconscious, but the vitals monitor indicated generalized depressed vitals all across the board.

A small holoprojection readout hovered above him, with a duplicate of the biobed readings, plus cybernetic systems readings and a scrollable history of vitals for the last hours. The heading read, "M.A.U.R.E.E.N. Protocol Engaged", with a list of medicines administered by the cybernetics melded to his body in the intervening time.


Running into sickbay, still wearing her crimson EVA armor from her sparring session with Clemens, Lieutenant Mnhei'sahe Dox was in a panic. She had no idea what was happening other than the man she was sparring with had inexplicably collapsed shortly after their fight in the Holodeck.

Terrified that she had somehow injured the ginger Intel Chief or worse, her face was painted with terror as she stopped herself in the doorway, desperately trying to not get in the way. So lost in her own concern for Clemens, she initially started talking in her native Rihan. "Aeuthn qiu oaii mnek'nra?... Hnave... Is... Is he alright?"

Having been on-call, Doctor Asa Dael was snoozing in an empty recovery room in Sickbay. The medical staff had taken to 6 hours on duty, 6 hours on call in preparation of the burst of deliveries expected from pregnant crew members with similar due dates. As a result, the CMO had taken to resting and reading in a recovery room when on-call to be available, just in case. They had not anticipated the “in-case” covering the cybernetics-enhanced Lieutenant Clemens beaming in with Lieutenant Dox rushing in wearing armor, but Asa did their best to roll with the punches.

Hearing the panic in the nearby room, Asa came running, prepared for the worst. Taking in the scene in front of them, the doctor gently moved Mnhei’sahe to the side and began reviewing the readouts on the biobed Clemens was resting on.

“Take a deep breath for me, ok? Can you tell me what happened?” Asa asked Dox gently, medical tricorder already whirring as the doctor used their other hand to type in commands for scans for the bed to perform.

Trying to calm down, Dox took a few breaths and replied. "We... we were in the Holodeck sparring. He wanted me to demonstrate some... Some Romulan martial arts stuff. It... We we're going at it for a bit pretty hard but I didn't think anything was wrong."

As Dox spoke, it was clear she was starting to wind herself back up. "I didn't even think it was possiblefor me to hurt him. But we were taking a break and sitting down. And... and he started sweating a lot while we were talking, and then he just started repeating himself over and over and just.... he just collapsed right there!"

The anxious young Romulan was pacing out of the way and talking with her hands. "Then that hologram popped out and said he needed medical assistance. So I called sickbay and had him beamed here. I don't... I don't know what happened, Asa."

Keeping their voice steady and professional, the “Doctor” voice that Starfleet had drilled into all their students, Asa replied smoothly, “We will figure it out, I will do everything in my power for Clemens. Why don’t you take a seat, ok?”

Ensign Carrott, a tall red-headed human man, was currently on duty and had come over to assist Asa with their patient. A good natured person, he picked up on Dox’s anxiety and guided her to a nearby seat, kneeling to make eye contact with her as he asked, “Can I get you some hot tea, Lieutenant? Or would you like to use one of our suites to remove your armor? It may make you more comfortable while Doctor Dael works.”

With her attention focused on Asa and Clemens, Dox was momentarily distracted by Ensign Carrott. "Huh? Uh... no... No, I'm fine, thank you." But she took the offered seat to stay out of the way as best as possible.

Sparing a quick glance to the pair watching them work, Asa replied, “Thank you, Ensign.”

After grabbing a small light, Asa shone the bulb into Lieutenant Clemens eyes, confirming visually what the scans from his prosthetics and the biobed were already telling them. Stroke. A deep scan revealed a blood clot had formed in Sam’s right frontal cortex, blocking blood flow and causing a stroke. Asa quickly injected alteplase into his arm, allowing the medicine to work quickly to dissolve the clot. The doctor also administered a pain relief agent and blood thinning agents.

“He should be waking up shortly,” Asa said gently, “I don’t think this had anything to do with sparring, Mnhei’sahe. Strokes usually have a variety of factors feeding into them, and I will need to speak with Sam to understand how someone who was healthy as a horse four months ago now has a blood clot in his brain. It’s going to be ok though, we caught it in time.”

Seeing Clemens' eyes start to flutter open, Asa called gently, "Hey there, spymaster. You in there?" Come on, say hello for me."

The spymaster in question groaned, and opened his bleary eyes.

"Doc? The hell happened? Dox and I were talking after sparring, and everything just fritzed, and then I was..." His bushy brows knitted, and then came up. "Nevermind where I was. Everything went black, and I woke up here-"

It was at this exact moment that a warm female voice above the Chief's head announced, "Cognitive functions normal. Clot dissipated. Repairs and restoration from backups completed. M.A.U.R.E.E.N. Protocol ending. Goodnight." The holoprojection shut off.

Sam's eyes bugged, as he realized that it was his own holo-emitter that just shut down. He pushed himself up on one elbow, and just stared at Doctor Dael and Lieutenant Dox.

For her part, Dox tilted her head as she got up from her chair. "Uh... are... are you okay?

The Spy Who Slugged Me finished sitting up, and rubbed his jaw. "Um, yeah. I think so, at least. Did that gal say 'clot'??"

“Hey there, Lieutenant Clemens. So, we have the damage repaired, but you had a stroke. A blood clot had formed in your frontal cortex, which caused a stroke. I’m less concerned about what happened than I am the why. Don’t suppose you have been under any stressors lately that maybe you forgot to seek treatment for? Like perhaps cybernetic limbs not quite functioning as well as originally thought? Or the body/mind connection being destabilized by the process?”

Asa’s tone was level and professional, but the distinct lack of accent from the Lieutenant was enough to raise their internal alarms. They had heard of patients developing an unknown accent after a stroke, but the loss of one was something entirely new….Well, unless you just counted “Federation Standard” accent as a new accent to the southern gentlemen staring at the doctor in confusion.


Clemens looked sheepish. "I've been pulling overnighters, and working very hard...at not sleeping. I don't think I even knew I was doing it on purpose. I...I think I might have been afraid of going back to sleep," he finished, looking at the floor.

He steeled himself, and looked back up. "Thank you both. I promise I'll rest properly. Besides- I need to find out exactly who my new nursemaid is," he said, smiling.

"The good news is that I feel like a million bucks, now. You do great work, Doc."

Glancing over at ASA,, then back to the Intel Chief, Dox knitted her eyebrows as she listened to Clemens talk. "Uh... Nursemaid? Your hologram thing? You mean you don't know what that is?"

The wiry wizard of weird shook his head. "Nah. But I'll bet someone at Fleet Intel does..." He quirked a little smile. "Good thing, too. Probably gave you guys enough time to save me. Thanks again, to both of you."

“Lieutenant Clemens…does your voice and speech pattern sound like it always has to you?” Asa inquired, curious if he had noticed the loss of his accent.

Sam leaned forward, and squinted his bushy brows at them.

"Whaddya mean? Sounds fine to me..."

He looked up and spoke to the ship's computer. "Miss Computer- do you have any non-secured voice recordings of me from before my stroke?"

As Sam was still off-duty, the computer replied promptly with, "Of coahse, Sayum. Would you lahk me tuh play you'ns uh sample from eahliuh t'day?"

Sam smiled at the friendly voice of the computer, speaking in his own accent. "Why, sure thing. And then play back the last fifteen seconds of this conversation for comparison, please."

The system dutifully complied:

"R'mahnd me tuh tell yuh 'bout thuh tahm ah... about thuh tahm ah…about the time I… "

A THUD was heard, and the clip ended. Then:

"Why, sure thing. And then play back the last fifteen seconds of this conversation for comparison, please."

Clemens looked askance at Asa and Dox, bows raised. "What? It's all me."

Cocking an eyebrow, Dox slowly turned to look at Asa, then back to the ginger spymaster. "Seriously? You can't hear a..."

Straightening back up as she spoke, the perplexed Romulan woman continued. "Sam, I speak four languages and had to struggle to understand that last bit. But now... since you woke up...your accent is gone."

Nervously, Dox looked around the room. The last time one of her friends had mysteriously lost their accent was when the Baroness had begun merging with the embodiment of Death. But Dox, Asa and Sam we're among the only people on the ship that could see Death, and it was clear nobody saw her anywhere near, and if Sam and her were bonded, Death would have been there.

Sitting down on a nearby stool, Asa tapped their chin thoughtfully.

“Ok, I think I know what’s going on,” they said, “First, nothing is showing on your scans as permanent damage. We got that covered. But….sometimes when someone has a stroke they get something called ‘secondary stroke-induced accent syndrome.’ Which is just a lot of words to say that a person can acquire a new accent after recovering from a stroke. It’s like the language part of the brain just jumps a track and decides it’s going to come out a different way. I think, for you Sam, this means you lost your accent. Unless something else feels off, would you like me to investigate?”

Sam sat there, somewhat dumbfounded. Which was something akin to what she'd just advised him of, in fact.

He certainly wasn't stricken dumb, of course. He got a thoughtful look, and replied, "Nae, lass. Ah ken ah'm rrright 's retain, 'ceptin 'fairrr noo bein' able tae heather th'diff'rrrence 'tween me oen naytive och'cent 'n aethairrrs."

It could slice neutronium, but it was definitely not his original accent. Nor was it the neatly-clipped American Northwestern accent he'd woken up with.


Not entirely sure what was being said, Asa looked at the pair for a moment before adding, “Um, I’m not entirely sure what’s being discussed, but please don’t call me lass, Lieutenant. I’m not mad, I know you are still recovering, but I don’t think there is a Scottish colloquialism for agendered persons, so maybe make one up and we will roll with it if this is the speech pattern you are adopting?”

Clemens looked frustrated, and replied in his new default accent, "Nooo. And I'm terribly sorry. When you learn accents during Intel training, they're part of a cover, which usually includes a cultural imprint, for the sake of maintaining cover. I haven't used that accent in years, and never when speaking to an agendered person. Please forgive me for the foul-up, Doc. I wasn't even sure it'd work at all, to be honest. I was trying to go for inured Scottish Highlands on Earth, and I didn't trust that it even got out of my face."

With a laugh, Asa replied, “That makes more sense actually. I was worried that somehow you were rapid cycling between accents, and that would be a whole other ‘hill of beans’ as I’m understood the saying goes. Never understood that one, honestly. Why would anyone want an entire hills worth of beans? Anyway, I’d like you to stop by engineering and have Thex check and make sure nothing is misfiring on the cybernetics front. And…well, permission to speak freely in front of Lieutenant Dox?”

Sam smiled at the colloquial use by Asa. "Of course. She literally saved my life, after all."

“Ok then. There’s not an easy way to put this….you are pushing yourself too hard. Even with the trauma you have been through, heck, because of the trauma you have been through, you gotta take some time, sir. You need sleep. Every night. Not just when it’s convenient. And you need time awake not spent working or training. Find something that helps you unwind that might have tactical advantages in the future, like chess or something, and cultivate that for a bit if you feel the need to always be productive. But you just cannot keep on like this. You aren’t any good to anyone dead, and if Dox hadn’t been there, well, there’s a chance that could have happened. The computers aren’t omniscient, neither is the medical staff, nor are we omnipresent, in spite of the EMH’s best intentions. So, lotta words to say something simple, but, Sam, you really need to rest more, ok?”

The CMO had never referred to Clemens by his first name, and as usual they weren’t entirely sure how it would be received. However, he was a good old fashioned human man, and all the psychology textbooks said human males would listen more adeptly when referred to by their first name. Plus, Asa liked Sam. He was funny and smart, not to mention invaluable to the crew. They would be bereft if anything befell him, and the urgency and earnest tone in their voice spoke of friendly care and affection.

The eclectified electrified engineer looked appropriately-abashed, and sighed.

"Yer right, of course. I just kept having trouble getting sleep- too much to be done, too much to see. I couldn't stop thinking enough to sleep, most nights." He paused, and added, "Funny, though-"

"I never got strung out from it. Just kinda switched off."

Tapping their chin thoughtfully, Asa said, “It’s possible your fatigue bio-feedback sensors are not operating properly. You should be getting warning from your cybernetic enhancements when you are approaching your limit, and it doesn’t sound like you are? Are you wanting that feedback, or would it be a hindrance in the field?”

The cybernetic charmer considered the options, and made a decision.

"Well, I obviously didn't turn it off, so it'll need fixing… but a way to consciously-override it is kinda needed, just in case. You never know if a psychotic Intel agent is just the thing needed for a successful mission," he smiled wryly. "Right?"

Feeling slightly overwhelmed by everything she was hearing, Dox was a bit confused but also concerned. "Psychotic's not good, Sam." She thought back to her own momentary lack of control during their sparring where her fight training took over.

Sam gave her The Look. The one that said, "Can no one tell when I'm joking, now??" and hung his head, before sighing and holding up his right hand, with the first and index fingers extended.

"Scout's honor. I've got no plans to skip any more sleep unless my life or others' depend on it."

"All right then, let's see if engineering can fix the fatigue feedback sensors and install a manual override. And just for good measure let's schedule a sleep study to make sure when you do sleep that you are getting proper rest. Say two nights time?"

Sam yawned, and replied, "Oh, you bet, Asa. I feel two bricks shy of a load."