Pirates of the Crab Nebula

Posted on Wed Apr 17th, 2019 @ 8:52am by Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Commander Rita Paris & Lieutenant Commander Thex sh'Zoarhi & Lieutenant Asa Dael & Az'Prel & Baroness 2nd Class Schwein von Alcott
Edited on on Wed Apr 17th, 2019 @ 12:35pm

Mission: Detours
Location: USS Hera, Deck 11, Holodeck 3
Timeline: 2396

On her schedule for after-duty obligations- which Commander Rita Paris tended to schedule as well, given her busy starship life- was an obligation to meet on the Holodeck for 'pirate training'. Ideally, this was to teach those of the crew who might be taking part some idea of how piratical combat worked. Or at least that was Rita's assumption- this had been scheduled by the Baroness von Alcott, so Rita wasn't positive that it was anything of the sort. But given that the name of the engagement was 'Pirate Training' that tended to lend itself to her belief that this was preparation for the upcoming Tribunal that the Captain would face, with whom a few of the crew would be standing by her side. Although in the old-fashioned officer's mind, the fewer Starfleet personnel the better.

Piracy in the 24th century was an odd puzzle to the throwback Starfleet siren. In her day pirates were simply bad. But in the complex times in which she lived, there were pirates and there were those who hunted them, and the distinction between the two was a bit too slender for her tastes. She'd watched discipline and morals go quite lax when piracy took over from Starfleet, and thus Rita worried about how the intermingling of the two might ruin Starfleet officers. The Baroness managed the tightrope act just fine, being a pirate amongst fleeters, and the Captain always knew where her duty called her. The only serious disagreements she'd had with Enalia Telvan were over piracy intermingling with Starfleet, and they had worked it out. But that wasn't everyone who would be involved in this Tribunal, and Rita still worried.

It was, after all, a component of her job, and one she took quite seriously.



But today was about training, and ideally preparation. So Rita would approach it with an open mind and an eye for detail, and she would keep her misgivings and trepidation private. Instead, she had dressed for the occasion in a saucy pirate costume to keep in the spirit of the exercise, strapped on her billy club and cutlass from her armor, and packed herself a phaser hidden in the ruffles of her short skirt. Now to maintain an open mind, and see how this exercise would go.

Stepping into the holodeck shortly afterward was Lieutenant Mnhei'sahe Dox. Or, more accurately, Baroness Mnhei'sahe Dox. Like Rita, Dox chose to dress for the occasion, but rather than a costume, she was wearing the green military-style jacket with gold epaulets on the shoulders that was her uniform as a 5th class Baroness of the Captain's Artan pirate family. A rank she was inducted into only a few months into her service on the Hera, in part due to her families connection to the Artan family.

Hew wardrobe included tall, military boots and flared black pants. Belted to her back with thick, crisscrossing black leather belts were the curved, twin Caitian short blades that were gifted to Dox from the Baroness von Alcott for the upcoming tribunal. The handles mounted at the bottom, magnetically locked into their sheaths. Around her waist, another belt with an ornate gold belt buckle that housed the hip holster with her standard issue phaser. The entire wardrobe, however, seemed slightly loose on the red-headed Romulan woman who had been losing a noticeable amount of weight thanks in part of a combination of an extremely rigorous combat workout training regimen and restored Romulan DNA.

"Hello Commander." The slightly anxious young Lieutenant nodded in greeting. She knew Rita Paris was none too happy with her involvement in the affairs of the Artan family and hoped her decision to wear the uniform in question would not exacerbate that. However, the somewhat over the top ensemble Paris herself was wearing helped to relax Dox's nerves slightly. "I figured that if this is the outfit I'm going to have to wear for all of this, it made sense to start practicing in it."

“Seems logical,” Paris offered with a smile, gesturing to her own outfit. “I’ll not wear my uniform on the bridge of a Pirate ship, so I just dialed up ‘pirate hooker’ on my replicator and here we are. As you say, this is likely what I’ll be wearing, so I may as well get into the spirit of things.”

Which is when the Baroness Schwein von Alcott swaggered out onto the poop deck in all her Artan Family livery, including a hat and cape to match. She was armed with just her shortsword today and there was a parrot on her shoulder. "Guten tag! This program is old but Baroness Sarika assures me that she has made it compatible with your systems. We have been running it as a training adventure for years. It has served well, ja?"

The parrot piped up in Sarika's voice at that moment. "Train hard bitches! RAAA! Train hard!"

Poking a finger up that the parrot, Rita Paris’ eyes narrowed. “Don’t call me a bitch, or I’ll find a delightful recipe for roast parrot…”

The door opened again as the Andorian stepped through the doors. Unsure of what she was supposed to be wearing she had chosen one of the fleets engineering jumpsuits only with a black color scheme. " Hello everyone," she said as she wove to the others.

Again, Paris’ eyes narrowed as she saw the Chief Engineer of the Hera was participating in the exercise. Which meant to her mind that the engineer would be expected to participate in the Tribunal, despite Rita’s desire to keep as many Starfleet personnel from becoming embroiled in what she saw as a dangerous and potentially career-ending exercise. But she ground her teeth and kept it to herself.

While she was entitled to her opinion, these officers were volunteering to likely end their careers, and she would ensure that all of them were on leave when this came to pass. Beyond that, she mentally threw in the towel. Her old-fashioned concepts of duty and honor and ‘behavior unbecoming an officer’ were clearly in the minority at the close of the 24th century. The crew would apparently do as they saw fit despite any orders to the contrary, and that meant playing pirate.

For not the first time she reconsidered her own promise to the captain to help, realizing that she herself was setting the worst possible example.

Schwein shoo'd the parrot off her shoulder and it landed on one of the railings not far off. "Baroness Sarika is very colorful, ja? She may have added a bit much of her own flair to the parrot." She then turned to the Andorian. "Commander sh'Zoarhi, thank you for joining us. If ze Prinzessin's old engineer was still with us, your presence would not be needed, but alaz, Frau Blucher was lost in a Syndicate raid immediately after ze Tribunal was announced. Do you have a preferred weapon? Did you bring one?"

Looking a bit sheepish, Asa made their entry to the Holodeck, wearing old-fashioned scrubs in all white. “Um, I presume I’m here to observe what types of injuries to expect?” they inquired, “I, um, well, I’m not really good at combat, so, well, I guess I just want to help and hope someone can show me how.”

The doctor was carrying their usual medical bag, as if expecting to need to perform first aid in spite of the safety limitations of the holodeck. Given the nature of what they were preparing for, perhaps not a useless precaution.

"Indeed," Az'Prel replied, having followed Asa in, wearing a freshly replicated, far lighter version of her old armor in earthy camo tones. "Bladed and blunt force weaponry can cause unique and traumatizing injuries that can be far more life-threatening than energy weapons. It would be logical to have you here to offer extra training for emergency first aid treatment procedures."

“All right Baroness, it looks like we’re all here. What did you have in mind for this particular exercise?” While she was still far less than enthusiastic at the nature of the gathering, Rita Paris still recognized that structure needed to be maintained, so she did her part to motivate.

The Baroness grinned at the Voluptuous Commander and winked with her one exposed eye. "We fend off a boarding party, board their ship, and capture ze flag. We use zis for group battle strategies and sword fighting training in an unfamiliar setting. We often find ourselves unable to use energy weapons and in strange terrain, and zis is excellent training for zat. Once we capture ze flag in the treasure room, we win the scenario. Easy, ja?"

“Swordfighting practice under energy dampeners… all right. Ah, because the Captain’s mother is famous for her boarding actions. That makes sense.” Paris looked around, still uneasy about all of the Starfleet personnel present who were clearly expected to participate in the Tribunal. But that was apparently nothing she had a say in, so she had to let that go. “All right people, prepare to repel boarders. No energy weapons, we’re strictly hand powered on this one. Keep it tight, watch one another’s backs and protect the non-coms.”

Schwein pulled free her shortsword and raised it into the air. "Computer, begin program and provide swords for those that have none!"

Suddenly, instead of the ship being on a calm sea, they were in the middle of a storm and there was another ship alongside them. The other crew were fish people that looked like they were half humanoid and half sea creatures and they started throwing ropes over and swinging across in an attempt to tie the ships together and board.

The Sarika-parrot screeched loudly. "RAAAA! Boarding bitches! Repel the bitches! RAAAA!"

Taking a defensive stance as the scenario came to life, Dox reached back and unsheathed her short, curved swords, muttering at the foul-mouthed Parrot. "That woman has issues."

Then leaning back over her shoulder, she addressed Doctor Dael quickly. "Try and stay by one of us, Doctor. Keep close."

Momentarily taken aback by the sword in their hand, Asa quickly came to and set about trying to cut ropes wherever they could reach, calling over their shoulder, “Can they swim? Aren’t they just going to attack us from below if we dump them in the water?”

Schwein stared up at the sky for a moment before rushing over to slice at a holographic pirate near Rita and toss him into the water. "There is something wrong. The storm isn't supposed to be here."

“I’d like to say I’m surprised,” Rita muttered darkly. “Computer, freeze program.”

When that had no effect, Paris immediately began barking orders. “Form up! Let them aboard but don’t let them flank us! The safeties are off, so fight defensively until we thin out their numbers and defend the non-coms! Goddamn pirates,” Rita muttered, then glanced at Schwein. “Present company excluded…”


“Oh, of course, there is something wrong,” Asa muttered to themself, “Does anything ever go right in these bloody things?"

Then, shaking off the annoyance at the nigh-sentient-and-grumpy holodeck, Asa continued cutting riggings of incoming pirates as they appeared, listening for the tell-tale splash indicating a member of the boarding party had fallen into the depths below. Staying close to Paris and Dox, Asa said, “So, questions remains, can these beings climb up the sides without ropes?”

Staying back in the tight formation as ordered by Commander Paris, Dox kept her guard up as she began fighting off the advancing creatures with her twin blades. "Probably... but it should slow their advance a little."

As Az'Prel and Schwein took up flanking positions to the group, the infernal parrot dropped to the deck dead and squaked once more in a voice similar to Enalia's but older and much more cruel sounding. "I hope you enjoy the modifications to this, you fleeter swine. Not even you could survive this little trap. RAaaa..."

“Just in case I had any doubts,” Paris muttered. “What are the odds that this thing is set to send infinite waves until we’re overcome, Baroness? You are the expert on the mindset at work here.”

The silver-haired pirate flipped up her eyepatch so she could analyze the program around them. "Nein, it is hard capped at twelve at once with a respawn rate of thirty seconds. Everything changed is overlay data so I believe the waves are still set at six."

"So, we can still end the program if we get to that flag, then? Sounds like a goal to me." Dox added as she slashed away at the oncoming forces from the enemy ship.

"And I think she was expecting only me," added Shwein as she booted a fish-faced pirate to the head.

"Not in the mood to fight that many spawns," Paris muttered, sheathing the cutlass and beginning to uncurl the billy club. "Okay folks- these are not people, they are holograms, so carve them up. Capture the flag is the game, let's play to win. Az'Prel, Baroness, you're on point, Doc, Thex, watch our backs and let's try to keep close." Finishing unfurling the odd billy club, Paris bared the wide-bladed breaker sword she'd been practicing. "Landing party, move out!"

As the group began to press forward, the attacking fish-pirates brandished their own swords. Corrupted, the safety interlocks were gone and every one of those blades was now as deadly as any in the hands of the crew. Fully aware of the danger, Dox pressed harder to remember her lessons in swordplay from Baroness von Alcott and kept moving, her curved twin blades held backward in her hands as she attacked.

"Commander!". The red-headed Romulan called out, "They're attempting to lash the ships together to board... We let them and that will work both ways to get us over to their flag, I'm thinking."

Thex wouldn't admit it, but she was enjoying this. The holographic fish-man pirates were having a hard time reacting to her unusual fighting style. A grin formed on her face as with a flying kick she sent another one of the pirates over the edge of the ship.

“Excellent point, Miss Dox. All right, let it happen front line, just keep us a clear path until they’re close enough…. Aaaaand… now! Over the side, me hearties!” Rita wasn’t sure if that was a thing pirates said, but she was trying to get into the spirit of things. "Take their foc’sle!”

Schwein laughed heartily, getting into the spirit of things as she jumped between ships, slicing through one fish faced pirate and kicking down a second. "Give them no quarter, for we shall get none from them!"

Az'Prel silently tumbled over the railings and delivered a devastating series of kicks to a pair of fish pirates, ending in a spinning move that sliced both of their heads off with the rapier that the computer had given her. Looking it over, she commented emotionlessly. "It would appear that the holographic weaponry is sufficient for self-defense."

The portly pilot could fight and her sword fighting technique was improving, but what she wasn't was a jumper. Looking at the narrowing gap, Dox re-sheathed her swords for a moment and did her best tuck and roll from one deck to the other, landing hard.

"Imirrhlhhse! Letting out a grunt and a curse in Rihan, she rolled to her feet and pulled her blades back out as she pressed on.

With a run and a leap, Asa cleared the other ships deck....and then overcorrected on their landing, winding up awkwardly straddling a barrel next to Commander Paris.

Standing quickly. Asa said to Rita, "Um, sticking close, right?" then turned to check no one was sneaking up from behind.

"You're doing wonderfully, Doctor, as always. Well, look at them go... Thex! Quite dawdling back there, we've places to be! All right Doc, let's you and I try to keep up." As a door on the pirate ship opened, the next rush of angry sword-bearing fishmen poured out onto the deck to the rear. Laying into them with the two-handed blade, Paris was dismayed at how much heavier the weapon was without the power assist of the EVA suit, and how much less impressive the performance of the weapon when not driven by those same augmentations.

"Well, that's why we train. Cover my flank as we pull back, Doc. Miss sh'Zoarhi, WE ARE LEAVING!" Paris called out as she swung the great sword in controlled arcs.

"On it!" Thex yelled as she threw a hammer past Rita and Asa to collide with the fishy faces of the pirates.

With a solid kick, Schwein knocked in the double doors leading below decks and the way down was clear... Other than a 20lb cannon aimed straight up the stairs right at her. Ducking out of the way, she narrowly avoided having her head taken off by a cannonball. "Watch for cannon fire belowdecks!" With that, she headed down the stairs taking out a hammerhead shark pirate that had been manning the cannon in the process.

"Aye!" Dox yelled from near the rear as she continued to slash away at the remaining attackers, making sure they weren't bottlenecked from the rear as they advanced. Using the twin blades, she found herself in a one/two rhythm of blocking a blade slash with one sword and countering with the second blade to remove the hands that held the offending weapons.

Counting in her head as she fought, when she'd reached 25, Paris called out. "New wave spawning! Az'Prel, trade out to cover our retreat, everyone belowdecks, move!" Paris took her own advice. hedging the ship's doctor to move down the steps ahead of her as she passed by Az'Prel, in whom she had more confidence could cover their retreat in such tight quarters than Paris herself with the large and unwieldy blade she was using.

Were she a better swordswoman she might begin to improvise with discarded pirate weapons. By the time-tossed temptress was an amateur sword maiden, and her improvisational skills would pale beside actual expertise. Thus her internal tactician knew the calls to make, and the buxom blonde followed her instincts, honed as they were by surviving so much of what the universe had thrown at her over time.

Staying close to Rita, Asa called over the din, "They have exposed gills at the neck and the stomach. If you land a blow there, even if it's just a really hard punch, that should incapacitate them long enough to get by. That may prove easier than using a sword in tight confines."

It's a simulation, Rita. Drop the poor choice and start anew. Even if it was the real thing, nothing is truly lost in an age of replication. As the El-Aurian physician raised an excellent point, Paris grabbed the crossguard and slammed it into the deck at her feet with all if her strength, and it somewhat stuck into the deck, although not really. It was clear that the power assist of her EVA armor was what enabled that weapon to be effective, and now she knew. Lesson learned.

With a grunt, she raised up her leg and placed her foot on the wide-blade of the breaker sword to shove up the stairs at the incoming tide of fish-faced pirates. Rita closed her hand about the hilt of the cutlass at her belt, and drew it as the bell guard ratcheted into place around her hand. As the doctor had recommended, she readied a fist and the shorter close-quarters weapon and prepared to deal with their swarming armed opponents as they covered the rear of the expedition into the bowels of the pirate ship in the sword fighting practice game of 'capture the booty'.

A slight smirk came across Dox's face as she took Asa's advice and sheathed one of her two blades, leaving the one in her left hand out to block sword attacks as she threw herself towards a group of fish-faced pirates. When it came right down to it, while she often wasn't proud of the fact, the generally angry young Romulan woman got an inordinate amount of pleasure in fighting and was happy for the opportunity to switch to hand to hand for the close quarters combat.

An opening appeared to be forming in front of Rita, and Asa thought they saw a chest at the bottom of the stairs. Not entirely sure of what they were perceiving without the HUD, Asa called to the group, "Is that what we are looking for?" while pointing ahead.

"Ja!" Schwein called out as she punched one pirate in the neck and stabbed another in the crotch. Retrieving her short sword, she leaped for the treasure, only for it to dissolve right before she touched it and to be replaced with a door straight out onto the docking bay of a Miranda class starship with red and purple markings. The walls had flowery graffiti all over it, marking it as the property of Arenara Artan.

One of the pirates on the other side of that door laughed and took a swing at Schwein. "Hahahaha! The flag is on the bridge you stupid swine! I told you you'll never get out of this trap!" Without hesitating, the silver-haired pirate took off his head with her short sword.

"Imirrhlhhse!" Dox cursed at the twist in the program as it happened. "Baroness... if this program was only prepared for you, you might not be able to get the flag yourself. If Arenara wasn't expecting any of US, it might need to BE one of us."

"Then I will cover the rear while the rest of you claim the flag on the bridge, ja?" Schwein replied.

To Be Continued in 'If An Eye Offend Thee'...