Isolating Together

Posted on Thu May 2nd, 2019 @ 12:10pm by Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Lieutenant Asa Dael

Mission: Detours
Location: Turbolift and personal quarters
Timeline: 2396

The galaxies longest day was wrapping up for Lieutenant Asa Dael. The CMO had spent the day going through reports and preparing birth plans as delivery dates for four crew members loomed in the upcoming week. They had successfully delivered their first child two nights prior, but the pressure was far from off as the doctor helped with both the psychological and physiological aspects of the baby boom currently exploding on the Hera.

The turbolift whooshed open to admit Lieutenant Mnhei'sahe Dox, a person Asa considered to be their closest friend aboard. They smiled brightly at seeing her and it suddenly hit the young El-Aurian how little they had seen their friend since a group-mind-meld some weeks prior.

What is wrong with me? I keep thinking how much I miss her, but I'm not doing anything about it. All I do is work and go home and read a bit and pass out. Am....am I depressed? I sure do seem to be isolating.... Asa reflected.

Turning to Dox, Asa said softly, "Hey there. I've..I've missed you Min. How have you been?"

With a slightly awkward smile, Mnhei'sahe stepped into the lift, not quite knowing how to react. She had talked a few days ago with Rita Paris of her own feelings of isolation and disconnection but didn't quite go into her fears regarding Asa. She had been fearing that the person she thought of as her best friend had stopped liking her and it had been eating away at her confidence. Her answer was sheepish and reserved. "I've... I've been... okay, I guess. Still getting used to having my mother on board."

It was a bit of a redirection, but an honest one. While mother and daughter had been making great strides in repairing their fractured relationship, it was still difficult.

"Yeah, I bet, " Asa replied with a sad smile. "Um, Min, do you wanna come over for dinner? I'm just replicating, but it's been too long since we caught up, and well, I miss my friend. If you aren't too busy or tired or anything....."

Asa's voice was sad, but tinged with hope. The doctor tended to be an optimist, but had somehow become bogged down in life lately, and with the sudden realization of how much things had changed between the two of them, they were determined to reclaim their friendship with Mnhei'sahe.

Taken slightly aback, Mnhei'sahe didn't quite know what to say. She was wrong about Rita. She was even wrong about her mother. And she desperately wanted to be wrong that Asa didn't like her anymore. As such, the request made her heart do the slightest of flips as a twinge of hope perked back up. "Y... yeah. Mona's on duty late tonight with R&D, so I was just going to replicate myself something anyway. Yeah. That sounds great."

A slight smile began to crack the corners of her cheeks. The last week had been one emotional kick after another. And while they had ended well, it had still left the red-headed Romulan exhausted. But she wanted to see her friend again. She wanted that family back.

Once the pair had reached Asa's quarters and were safely behind closed doors, Asa threw themself into a full body hug with Mnhei'sahe. The small doctor knew their friend was strong enough to handle the enthusiastic embrace they so badly needed. It was in that moment Asa realized they had not had any kind of positive touch in weeks outside of the comforting hand-holding and pats they gave to patients in sickbay. And while therapeutic touch was an important part of Asa's care, it did not provide them with the same level of comfort that it did to patients. The impromptu embrace had felt so urgent, like pouring water onto parched soil.

Without extricating themself Asa said softly through a few errant tears, "I...I think I'm depressed, Min. I... I didn't even realize how much I've been isolating until I saw you and realized how much I've missed you. I'm so sorry, light, I know I'm a mess. I'm...I'm sorry."

In Asa's arms, Mnhei'sahe started to tremble. So many times over the last week, she had found herself brought to tears and she was fighting to keep them at bay here. WHatever her fears had been, it was clear that in this moment, Asa needed her to be the strong one. "I'm s... sorry, too. I... I thought after the mind-meld... I thought you were in here and saw me for what I really am and... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so stupid."

In spite of herself, the words came out with a light stream of tears. "Since it happened... since Gaia closed that door in my mind, I can't... I can only barely feel my connection with Mona. And everything else has been... nothing. And... I didn't know how to deal with that."

Reaching up to wipe tears from both their faces, Asa let out a heavy sigh. "I confess, I didn't even think of how that impacted you. Some counselor, eh?"

Moving to direct Mnhei'sahe to sit, Asa went to the replicator and brought back two mugs of hot tea along with a plate of fruit, cheese, crackers, and bacon. Placing everything on a nearby coffee table, Asa continued, "You aren't nothing though, just in case your brain is pulling its usual trick and lying to you again. Seems like both our brains are pulling tricks on us, eh? What I saw of you was beautiful. You have a brave soul, and one that you give freely to others, even when it costs you more than you think you have. I can't think of a single good reason anyone would turn away from you- outside their own internal junk."

The last was said with a slight shrug as Asa rubbed their neck with one hand.

"I confess...I got so caught up in work that I forgot to live my own life, you know? The stress of the kidnapping, worry about all the upcoming births, being overwhelmed and overtired......I can make excuses, but at the end of the day, I just screwed up. Min, I was so averse to connecting to others I didn't even go see Jaeih in person to check her out when she got here...I sent the EMH. I haven't visited Hera or Rei as much as I would have liked...I haven't seen Rita off duty.....I'm just barely going through the motions. I.....i need to do better. Forgive me?"

"Of course. I'm the LAST person on this ship to blame anyone for being withdrawn. As for counseling, I didn't exactly make an appointment. So that's on me, Asa." Mnhei'sahe replied, with a slight smile as she sipped on her tea.

"But talk to me. You've been extremely busy of late with everything and it's clearly overwhelming you. Talk to me about it. I'll be 'Doctor Dox', okay?" It was offered with a light-hearted tone to hopefully put her friend at ease, but was a sincere offer.

Chuckling in response, Asa took a grape and ate it thoughtfully for a moment.

"Well, I've been doing the PTSD therapy with my old mentor over subspace, and I guess it's been going ok. The nightmares are still almost nightly though, and I find myself flashing back to that stupid, dirty hospital on Mars at the weirdest times. I don't always even know what is causing the flashback, I just find myself staring into nothing and realizing I was a million miles away. My mentor, Dr. Holiner, keeps telling me that's to be expected, but I guess I'm just sick of one really bad day defining my life, you know? I feel like an idiot for not being able to snap out of it and just get on with life. Then finding out how freaking long I'm going to probably be around....that was a mind trip too, you know? Holiner didn't really know what to say to that one.....they don't really cover 'touched by fate and a literal goddess to live more than 5 times longer than the rest of your species' in Psych 101, you know? And the whole goddess thing? Hell Min, I was a staunch atheist before serving on the Hera. Now I am freaking friends with a goddess. I guess it's just how much everything changed in the last year. This time last year I was getting ready to graduate Starfleet Medical. Now.....well, sometimes I wonder if I was the right person for the job. I wonder if the crew wouldn't be served better by someone with more experience, someone who is less of a disaster.....I don't even know if i'm making sense......"

Deflating a bit while taking a moment to breathe, Asa turned to look into Mnhei'sahe's eyes, searching for understanding and hoping against hope they wouldn't be deemed a fraud and a failure.

Sitting across from her, Mnhei'sahe had a melancholy smile on her face as she searched for the right words. "Well, Doctor Dox I'm not. But I can tell you... when I wasn't still sent to Earth, my... the Dox's brought me to six different therapists over four years. When I was at the academy, I saw another four. And the less said about your predecessor the better. There's nobody that has been better for me than you."

Fishing slightly in her seat, Dox continued. "I haven't... hit myself in weeks. And it's been... Sixty-three days since I've had a drink. You're helping me a lot. Yes, I've got Mona, but I wouldn't even have found the strength to talk to her without you."

Then her tone shifted down slightly. "As for Mars... So many times I wish I had just beamed you up and left them to security instead of... doing what I did to them in front of you. That can't have helped. And there's not much I can don't help with nightmares except to say that our room is still open if you need company. Mona and I... well... we both have our share of nightmares and we will always be there to help you whenever you need to just not be alone, okay?"

Sniffling a bit, Asa said, "Thanks...I figured now that you were living together you would rather be alone together, you know? I was so happy that you found someone worthy of your love that loves you back....and I didn't want to mess it up for you by getting in the way."

"That I can say categorically, you never need to worry about. Asa, you've been my best friend since I came aboard. You were the first person to reach out and just say 'hello'. You are shikaen... FAMILY. You are my revsam... Sibling. You are NEVER in the way, do you understand?" Dox leaned over to look Asa in the eves intensely.

Wiping an errant tear, Asa snuffled a bit before responding.

"You're my family too. I...I understand. I guess my brain has been lying to me about a few things, huh? I'll do better at just asking next time instead of assuming I know what you want. I guess I'm used to being told that I'm in the way.....God knows Keres made sure I felt that way most of my life. I thought I had moved past that, but I guess some of us must have sunk in, huh?"

"We both have a lifetime of terrible life lessons getting in our way. You know I know that all too well. My brain spends... More than half of every day trying to convince me that you'd all be better off if I got on that pirate ship, left and never came back. I understand. But our brains are Kreldanni liars!

Adding a bit of a curse in her native Rihan was second nature to the Red-headed Romulan woman, and something Asa was more than used to at this point. "So, I know you've been extremely busy lately. Want to talk about it?"

Letting out a sigh, Asa shrugged. "It's the baby boom....Most Starfleet doctors deliver 2-3 a year, MAX. But not us....it will be over 40 deliveries by the end of the year. And I'm so scared of messing something up. Of damaging a life before it even starts, you know?"

In truth, Dox hadn't considered what effect the influx of pregnancies might be having on her friend, and felt more than a little ashamed for it. "I'm sorry, Asa. I didn't even think of that. I can't imagine the pressure you're under right now. But If anyone can do this, it's you. There's no doctor that cares more about their patients than you."

Then Dox's tone shifted slightly as she fidgeted slightly. She could understand that last part. Worrying about ruining a life before it's begun. Mnhei'sahe's bond-mate, Mona Gonadie had started recruiting Dox's Mother in trying to get the Anxiety ridden Romulan to jump aboard that particular boom. AndIn truth, Mona and Jaeih Dox had done considerable work in weakening Mnhei'sahe's defenses, but she wasn't going to burden Asa with that.

“Thanks. Sometimes I just feel so…..inadequate though,” Asa said, leaning back in their seat.

“The first delivery I did, Hera had to come to the rescue. The baby boy had an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck three times and was fated to die in delivery. Hera felt the call and rushed in, changing the baby’s fate, but also biological sex and who knows what else. Now the Dabri’s have a baby girl who is going to be as tall as Rita and blonde to boot….and I can’t help but wonder what other changes have happened that we aren’t aware of yet. I don’t think Hera did anything untoward, but it’s like tempting her having her around all these pregnancies, don’t you think? I have this unease following me around that if I’m not careful one of these days a Minotaur is going to pop out.”

Smiling, Mnhei'sahe leaned in a little to make eye contact. "Ace, if you deliver it and it's raised on this ship... with this crew... then it will end up being the first Minotaur to Captain a Starship and probably save the universe two or three times."

It was a joke, but only partly. "It's... been unusual. I've been on the Hera for just about seven months and the things I've seen and experienced, nothing could have prepared me for. I've had gods in my mind and merged with one. I've had my DNA rewritten. Met gods and fought Valkyries. I mean, we're both friends with DEATH and we trust her. Rita has faith in Hera and when she was in my head, I didn't sense anything that makes me worried."

"But one thing I know for certain, is you are light-years from inadequate." Mnhei'sahe added confidently. "You've literally put me back together how many times now? You are more than enough, honey. And you aren't shaking me. You've got me to hang around with for... what... a good two hundred plus more years. After that, I'll figure out how to haunt you, okay?"

With a bark of laughter Asa said, “Well, we both have empirical proof that life continues after death, thanks to Death of all things. And you better not get rid of me. I’d hate to have to engineer an opening into your quarters. I’ve been widely informed that it is just not proper to blast holes into walls when we want into rooms. Or at least that was not the given protocol when I was 5 according to Nanna Yihawn. I’m assuming it hasn’t changed since then?”

Smiling broadly, Dox laughed along with her friend. In her mind, she pictured a 5-year-old Asa Dael blasting holes in walls and freaking out their Nanna, the impossibly endearing Yihawn. "I can so see that, Ace."

After a moment, as the laughter slowed down, Mnhei'sahe looked intently at her best friend as tears welled up in her dark eyes. "I missed you, Asa. I don't want to miss you anymore. E... Everything I've been through. Everything that's happened. I got through it because of all of you. Because of Rita and Mona and YOU. I can only imagine how scared you are, looking down the timeline in front of you. I'm terrified for you. I think of how I'm going to carry on after Mona is gone when I'll have a good two-thirds of a life left to have to live and it tears me apart. And that's not even a fraction of your future. But... but you'll have Hera and Rei. And you'll have Kodira. You'll have all the friends and family we've yet to make. You will never be alone."

"I don't want to miss you anymore either," Asa began.

"I've lost people already in life. I know I'm going to lose more. I try to live in the now, but somewhere along the way that started to feel like get through the now. I'll ask the EMH to check my neurochemical levels tomorrow. Hormone levels too I guess. Maybe I'm having an early adulthood hormone surge and I'm going to get pimples and my voice start cracking or something. Wouldn't that be a reassuring image, huh?"

Wiping a tear from her eye, Dox smiled broadly and chuckled. "Well, I'm still dealing with MY first real puberty in my thirties thanks to you fixing my DNA and hormones We can be awkward and emotionally unstable together. It'll be more fun."

With a guilty laugh Asa's eyes took on a wicked glint.

"Can you imagine if we fully embraced the awkward and unstable? Poor Ensign Carrott can barely handle me now, and I'm pretty sure Nurses Vimes and Almera would decide that I am in need of a talking to. You know Vimes has taken to bringing me cookies and milk if I get tired and cranky? I'm pretty sure there is an implied slight in there, but heck, I don't care. It's cookies and milk. Now.....how do we get your team to bring you secret snacks of bribery?"

Trying to stifle a laugh, Mnhei'sahe only managed to snort a little and smirk. "Well... I was sparring with Petty Officer S'Rina in the gym a week or two ago, and Gavarus and O'Dell saw a bit of it and I seriously think they're both scared of me now."

Taking a sip of tea, Mnhei'sahe gestured with the cup. "I think at this point all I'd he to do is wave an empty cup and stare at them and they'd throw tea at me. Heh."

Giggling a bit, Asa said, “Well, you are a bit intimidating when you have your game face on. Gotta say, it is a funny mental picture to imagine Gavarus scared of something though. That woman looks like she eats nails for breakfast. I think I’ve only seen her smile the once- and that was when she was exquisitely drunk in 10-forward. I think she outsources her good graces to O’Dell. Well, if I understand half of what O’Dell says....Carrott had me review the footage of the first trial R&D did to double check his work, and I’m relatively sure of the 15% of what I understood out of her mouth nearly half of it were curses.”

"Ha... yeah. Well, S'Rina and I go at it pretty hard, usually screaming at each other in Klingon while we do. WE enjoy it, though." Dox took a piece of the bacon and had a bite. "It's oddly relaxing for me. But yeah, I can only make out about half of what O'Dell says, but she knows her stuff. Best pilot in the department under Mona and me. She's smart and fearless and picks up new interfaces like she was born to them. A natural pilot. And her and Gavarus work exceptionally well together."

“Are they, you, know…..” Asa said, making a complicated series of hand movements that did absolutely nothing to illuminate their point. Blushing red around the ears, they continued, “a….thing? I mean, I think I saw Gavarus trying to flirt with one of the security staff, but it was a little hard to tell. She seems to be as natural about it as I am, and I only managed to flirt once because I had a telepathic communication link. I honestly don’t know how the rest of you manage to just ooooze your feelings towards people and get all….jiggy with it…. I think is the parlance. It sounds exhausting.”

Smirking at herself, Dox chuckled. "And to think In chastised them for gossiping on duty. Heh. But, no. I don't think they're a couple. I think they just good friends. As for flirting, it is a horrifying nightmare of hormones, mixed signals and endless anticipation that feels like it's literally eating you alive from the inside out. If you really want to laugh, call up the security feed from when Rita brought Kodria to the Flight Control office. It was a master class in how NOT to flirt."

Chucking again, Mnhei'sahe took another piece of bacon. "I wanted to KILL Mona, she was coming on so strong, but here we are. Go Figure."

"Here you are," Asa replied with a smile. "You seem to have figured it out quite nicely. How is that going? Are wedding bells chiming soon?"

As the subject fell to Mona Gonadie, Dox's body language softened as she smiled. "It's... It's going really well, Asa. She's really... It's been... it's not something I thought could ever happen to me."

Pausing for a sip of her tea, Dox continued. "Legally... we essentially are. I filed paperwork so that in the event of... something happening... Mona has complete control of decision making. Joint property. All that is written out now. We've... talked about maybe some kind of ceremony. Something that has elements of a Romulan bonding ceremony, with the braclettes and something incorporating Miradonian ceremonies as well."

Getting a bit caught up in the moment, Dox kept talking and forgot what she was trying to not say to add to her best friends stress, "Heh... Mona's even got my mother on her side pushing for..."

Clearing her throat as she stopped herself at the last second, Dox took another swig as she awkwardly tried to change the subject. "So... yeah. It really is going well."

Asa paused for a moment, thinking for a moment and reading between the lines of what Dox was and wasn't saying.

There was only one course of action left to them.

The little doctor launched themself atop Dox, tickling her viciously while saying, "This is what happens when you get married without letting people throw you a party! And this is what happens with you act like I don't want to help you get pregnant, you doofus!"

Laughing hysterically, Dox put up the most minimal oof defenses, a purely perfunctory effort, as the moment was a legitimate emotional release. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Get off me, Crazy!! Hahahaha!!

Satisfied retribution had been served, Asa retook their seat gracefully, arching a cool eyebrow and continuing in a faux-haughty tone, "Perhaps you could make a bracelet from her feathers if they were preserved somehow?"

Catching her breath and still chucking a little, Dox replied with as broad a smile as her chubby cheeks would allow. "That's... That's a great idea. But... we're not married in the traditional sense. But with the nature of the empathic bonding she made, it just kind of... happened."

"As for kids... I don't know. Mona and my Mother keep trying to assure me that I wouldn't mess it up, but I don't know, Asa. I just... I'm such a mess all by myself. And since Mona's the one that wants to actually to the carrying... Asa, Miradonian's have about four children at a time. I'm absolutely terrified."

Fingers steepled in thought, Asa said, “Yeah….that’s a thinker for sure. Don’t think you would screw it up, though….I mean, more than any parent screws up their kids. Anyone without at least a little wrong with them is just…..well, wrong. But I know you would treasure having them in your life- be it one or four or forty. You have a lot more love to give than you give yourself credit for, you know. I mean, if you didn’t really mean it I doubt the empathic bond would have formed, correct?”

The naturally negative Romulan woman immediately wanted to protest the point. Argue in any way she could think of. Bring up her own painful upbringing or the mass murdering Grandmother she had just learned about. Mention the arificially enhanced psychic doors in her mind that made that link easier to establish. But she knew Asa was ultimately right, so instead she just smiled and nodded.

"Mona says Miradonian's can mate with either gender, but ultimately we're different species. There's going to be some mad science to pull this off, and I didn't want to put that on you. Ya'know... If and when we decide."


"Pfffft," Asa began with a smile, "Performing mad science with you is becoming practically a specialty. Don't see any reason to stop the fun now. Besides, in all sincerity, I would be honored to help you have a child. It sounds like you are thinking Mona would carry?"

"Yeah, she wants to..." Then Dox looked down at her slightly slimmer frame. "...Plus, I'm loosing weight for the first time ever. I have no desire to wreck that anytime soon." Dox chuckled.

Turning to sit upside down in their bean bag, Asa rested their legs against the wall and continued the conversation inverted and more than slightly askew.

"You know, you look good no matter what, right? But I get it....I've been widely informed that my current hummingbird metabolism is a temporary superpower and that when I hit 200 or so my 'real' metabolism will kick in and I'll have to eat less junk. Adulthood is just a bum deal, isn't it? Can't eat junk food, have to contribute to society, not allowed to be a complete weirdo....well, at least in public. Thank goodness I can let loose around you. Being professional Doc Dael all the time would drive me batty."

To punctuate the point, upside down Asa waved their arms back and forth and made a goofy face to imitate a bats closed eyes.

"See? Your CMO is a lunatic. Woe to the Hera," Asa concluded with a wink.

"Well, her Chief Flight Control officer isn't any better. And here we are. Flying straight and true, anyway." Mnhei'sahe leaned back in her seat and picked up a cube of cheese and tossed it at her best friends head playfully.

Grabbing the cheese as it flew towards their head, Asa happily munched on it while still upside down.

Getting up from the table, Dox flumped onto the bean bags next to Asa and smiled. "But I promise. The next time I'm feeling alone like that, I'll remember that I'm not. I'll remind myself that you aren't going anywhere. Deal?"

"And I'll do the same, Deal," Asa concluded happily, scooting their head into Mnhei'sahe's lap to cuddle contentedly.