A Right Proper Vacation - 1 of 3

Posted on Thu Oct 31st, 2019 @ 11:14am by Ensign Fiona O'Dell & Ensign Briaar Gavarus & Jaeih Dox-t'Aan
Edited on on Thu Oct 31st, 2019 @ 11:23am

Mission: Family Detention
Location: The Hera, Earth, Ireland, Cashel County
Timeline: 2396

As they were packing up clothing and supplies for their shore leave on Earth, the midget Mariposian test pilot Ensign Fiona O'Dell was busy reading aloud to her partner in all things, Ensign Briaar Gavarus, about their destination from a PaDD she had laying on the bed as she packed their suitcases. Beside it, Minerva Carrot, their wee beastly Minotaur toddler whom had come under their care, listened intently as she sucked on a bottle she had learned to hold on her own already. Recently she had begun taking her first attempts at standing and walking on her own, which seemed surprisingly soon for a 3 month old, But she was also growing, having doubled in size since the unlikely duo had taken her on, which was, according to the manual they had been given on How To Raise Your Minotaur from the Greek goddess who had penned it, quite normal.

"Travel deep into the Golden Vale of County Cork with yuirr guide, and soak up some free time in Cork to explore at ye leisure, before exploring the famous Rock of Cashel. Then, visit Blaaarney Castle and follow in time-honored tradition by kissin' the Blarney Stone." Looking up, Fiona made a sour face. "We'll pass on that, and I'll let ye imagine why, although if ye want to see it I'm all fuir that. Top off the trip wi' shopping in the Woollen Mills before returning to yuir own castle, breathtakin' Adare Manor. Ach, this is g'win ta be a foine, foine time for us all, aye?"




It was clear from her travelogue that when news of the Hera's assignment to the Sol system had arrived, the little efficient planner had gone to work, plotting out an itinerary for the odd little trio of misfits that would get them off the ship to see some beautiful scenery from her people's ancestral birthplace. While giving them a tour of pubs and bars that were the real deal, not just the imitations that were often found amongst the stars. With real Irish whiskey, no less, and Guinness, the dark bitter beer she enjoyed so.

Listening along, Briaar was sitting, cross-legged on the deck in front of the bed with an open shoulder bag, tossing unfolded clothes in from the pile of clean(ish) laundry that had collected over the last couple of weeks, muttering as she went through what would be needed to pack. "Okay... this... this... NOT this. I checked the local weather in Dublin, and it's, like, 11 degrees. So, we'll need light jackets at LEAST."

Next to her on the deck was the aforementioned 'How To Raise Your Minotaur' book, open a few pages in. The slightly flustered Tellarite engineer was glancing over at it while stuffing unfolded clothes in the bag. "Yeah, it should be fun as long as we avoid frickin' holosuites and don't kiss local rocks. What, do the locals piss on it at night or something the screw with the tourists?"

"Ye nailed it in one, Briaar, joost that. But we kin see it all the same, and twill be fine. Now, I do want Minnie to be able to see some Shaggies, as they are far and away the cutest cows in the universe, and I think it'd be good for her to see some life wi' horns and a tail and fur like hers, since, well, s'not like either of us or innyone else aboard resembles her. So we'll go see the Scots as well for a day, I found a nice farm that's wee one friendly where she kin see goats and chickens and pigs and shaggies..." The odd organizer paused as a chime announced an incoming message. "Ohhhh, dinna tell me this is the Chief tellin us our leave is canceled or that we've duty, not when I've planned oot alla... this..."

The little lass paused, eyes scanning over the message with some small degree of shock, as evidenced by the fact that she stopped speaking- a rarity for O'Dell in any moment.

"What is it? Did someone else get frickin'... kidnapped?" Briaar joked as she stuffed a few pairs of rightly enormous panties in the bag. But she stopped in her tracks as she glanced over and saw Fiona's face.

Wordlessly, the tiny test pilot handed over the PaDD to her porcine partner as her eyes blinked a bit rapidly, which the tall Tellarite knew meant that she was fighting back tears.

Taking the PaDD, Briaar started reading it, suspiciously. As she did, little Minerva stopped sucking on her bottle for a moment as she looked at her two unconventional caretakers with a slightly confused look. Letting out a light gasp, Briaar brought up a thick, three-fingered hand to cover her mouth as she almost dropped the PaDD. As she did, her eyes began to well up too. "Oh my gods..."

"She's... they... I... I don't believe it. Fee. We're... The Carrott's are leaving the ship and... and..." Briaar muttered, starting to let tears slip out as she dropped the PaDD on top of the open bag of clothes. As she did, little Minerva began crawling over to her making tiny, gurgling cooing sounds that sounded plaintive. Looking up at Briaar with her big, brown eyes then up on the bed at Fiona, the tiny tot looked upset. Something had changed, and she didn't understand what was happening.

Snapping out of the near-shock, Briaar let out a loud snort and a deep laugh as she looked down and snatched up the miniature Minotaur in her arms. As she did, she all but launched off the deck and flumped down tight next to Fiona on the bed, clutching Minerva between them and all but shaking. "Ohh! Oh, no! We're... we're not SAD Minnie Moo! We're... its official. Me and Fee... We're... we're your mommies!"

"S'right, wee one," Fiona managed finally, her voice choked with emotion. "From this day forth, we're yuir mums. Tis official noow... we dinna have ta give ye oop, and we're free to raise ye and see ye cared for wi' all the love we can muster!" Wrapping her spindly thin arms about the toddler, the redheaded roustabout snuggled into the hug of her large partner, the three of them enveloped in hugs. "I dinna.... I dinna realize how worried I was aboot it until noow, but... tis ye and me and baby makes three, Briaar."

Looking up at the space swine who had become first her drinking buddy, then her best friend, then her hero, then her partner, Fiona O'Dell wept openly. Her life had changed so much in the past year, and in so many unexpected and unusual directions. But while she still saw it as bizarre and unbelievable, it all made her happy, far happier than she had ever been in her life. Working for a chicken, in love with a pig and caring for a cow, her odd life in space had become something of a barnyard experience. But she had ceased questioning it, and just enjoyed it. In the burly arms of the Tellarite, she felt safer than anywhere in the universe and slept like a babe, and seeing the delight on the face of the Minotaur in diapers they could now call their daughter warmed her heart equally.

I... I know." Briaar said, leaning into the hug and squishing little Minnie between them, which only caused the miniature Minotaur to let out a giggle and a burp. She might not have known the details of what was happening, but now it was clear to her that it was happy, and that she understood. "I was... I was just trying to not think about it. In a billion years I never thought they would go for it. I figured it was a... a lost cause... but... I dunno. Maybe whatsherface, Hera, put in a good word for us or something."

Picking up the PaDD, Fiona's eyes went a bit wide. "Nae... twas the Chief, and the Commander and the Cap'n signed off on it too. I guess maybe we dinna look as screwed up on the outside as we think we do? Or maybe since there were no other candidates? Ach, who cares. We're all together, and that's what counts."

"Noow comes the decisions part. So, uh, we're nae married or nothin, so... I'm thinkin' mebbe we let Minnie keep her last name too, but we drop the spare 'T' in it. I dinna want either of us to have to change our names, and rather than her carry one of ours, how about she retains her own? Ye think?" Fiona looked up at Briaar, wanting to hear her say on the matter. While they were a couple, they were both equals in their partnership, and decisions like this needed both of them to weigh in.

Rolling over, Briar started playing with little Minnie's tiny hooves, smiling. As she did, the mini Minotaur started grabbing for them herself and giggling. "Is that good with you, huh Minnie Moo? Are you our baby Carrot? Are you?"

"Yeah." Briaar looked up while playing with Minerva, "That's fine. I mean, there's no real reason to change it. It's already her name and it fits her, I think. Minerva Carrot."

"Minerva Mary Margaret Josephine Mona Carrot," Fiona corrected. "I canna let any child of mine not inherit my family's tradition of too many names in the middle, and each significant in some way. Have ye a middle name, Briaar?" Fiona cocked her head to regard the surly swine who she knew would make a great parent for their bundle of hooves and horns. "It dawns on me, I dinna know and I nivvir asked."

Blushing slightly, Briar knitted her eyebrows and shook her head. "Naw. That's not really a thing for Tellarites. But I like putting 'Mona' in there. I mean, without her, who knows where we'd be, ya' know?"

"So, I guess this makes our vacation more of a celebration now, huh?" Briaar added as she scooched back up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Hmmm... well, both of us need to contribute. So Minerva Moo Mary Margaret Mona Carrot it is, because ye always call her Minnie Moo, so that should be the middle name ye gave her methinks," Fiona decided, it having satisfied the naming conventions of her people. "Aye. 'twill be our first vacation together as a family. A family..."

There was a moment where Fiona stared at the PaDD wistfully, then back up at Briaar. "I nivvir thought, ye know? Nae for me, I'm too weird, I'll nivvir have kids, hell, I expected to die alone and i was okay with that, ye know? Yet here we are... ye and me and Minnie and... we're a family. I dinna want to re-enlist when me time comes oop, Briaar. I don't know what the future holds, but this life is dangerous, and I want more for Minnie. Before ye ask I have no idea what, but when time comes, let's joost take our discharges and go make our lives somewhere out there and live by our own rules, joost us. Ye dinna have to answer noow, but I want ye to think on it, aye? I want to be there for her, not on duty with one of us trying to look out for her and one working, or trying to trust day care, seein' how that worked oot."

Sitting on the bed, Briaar went quiet and thoughtful for a moment, only snapping out of it when Minnie succeeded in getting her own tiny hooves into her own mouth and letting out a gurgling snort at her achievement, which elicited chuckles from both of her newly minted mothers.

Shaking her head slightly and smiling warmly, the typically temperamental Tellarite turned and sighed. "Yeah. I mean, she likes Big E, and the Chief, and I bet we could even get Grandma MurderPunch to help out 'cuz they seem to like each other too. But daycare... frickin' yikes. That was a cluster@#$%. We need to be there for her."

Immediately, both women's minds went to recall the nannycams in the ship's daycare facilities. Little Minnie might have been a gentle, loving sweetheart with them, Ethel Jablonski, Hera, Jaeih Dox, and Mona Gonadie, but she was a right unholy terror left to the unprepared graces of Daycare. The Miniature minotaur wreaked havoc with the facilities, breaking toys, headbutting the other children (which, when your head comes with HORNS offered a unique problem) and throwing a near-perpetual tantrum until the unlikely parents-to-be came to pick her up.

The two looked at each other and made the same awkward face as they recalled the incident. Daycare was not a viable option as Gavarus flumped back to the deck to continue packing. "Yeah... but the book says that's not uncommon for little Minotaurs. They get confrontational and territorial with other kids and only like who they like."

As she stuffed some t-shirts in the bag, Fiona grabbed their diaper bag and prepped that for travel. Looking at the still-open book on the deck, Briaar nodded and continued, "But it also says that they... kinda leap through certain early development milestones at a rate up to five times faster than other kids. That's why she's already trying to walk and she'll be teething any day. She's closer to a one-year-old human or maybe a seven-month-old Tellarite baby, even though she's only three months old."

"Aye. Fuir noow we make do, but when she kin walk and talk and ask awkward questions, maybe starship life in the service might not be the place for her. I love that the Chief brought us together, and I love workin on her designs, but... we have bigger responsibilities now, aye?" Cradling the babe in her arms, Fiona smiled gently. "Yuir the future, little one. And seems we've a responsibility to make sure we raise ye oop right. Aye, that we do. Dinna ye worry... yuir mums will take care of ye."

"But fuir now, tis time for a right proper family vacation of the pubs of Ireland, so we kin expand yuir mum's shotglass collection," Fiona explained as she pointed and used one hand to help sort Gavarus' packing efforts. "We kin get some righteous whiskeys and lagers and bitters and pub sports. Maybe we kin even get Granny Murderpunch to stop in while we're aboot so we kin get up to some shenanigans wi' folks who dinna know us. But we're g'win ta meet sheep and shaggies and get some woolen sweaters and scarves an' see some beautiful countryside that's protected from development. So ye'll know where mum's accent comes from and the culture that her planet's culture came from... one mum at least."

"Oooh, hold on. We'll need to replicate her some sweaters for when we get there as it's a little chilly." Gavarus said, pulling herself up to her feet with a grunt and going across the room to the replicator and started punching in instructions. "It might be tough to talk Granny into coming. I mean, wasn't she kinda locked up on Earth for, like, years? She might not be down but I'm certainly game to try. She still kinda freaks me out, but she's kinda cool."

"Aye, but we'll invite her to come see is while we're planetside. She might come oot, stranger things and alla that," O'Dell admitted.

"And, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. Seeing where your ancestors came from and all that. Although, I think eventually while my mom will pop a gasket, my little sister Mreea will absolutely LOVE Minnie." The tall Tellarite said as she walked back with a thick, zip-up hooded sweater that she presented to the baby and Fiona. It was green, with a hood equipped with a pair of reinforced holes big enough to accommodate Minnie's horns that said 'Future Bad@$$' in big orange letters on the front.

"That's bloody righteous right there, nice work, Briaar. Maybe go wi' one with a wooly lining and have that one say, 'Yeah, their me mums, wanna make somethin of it?' on the front, and one that's a pullover that has a nice Celtic knot and 'Ireland' on it. Ahhh, foogiyt, we're goin shoppin' when we're doown there innyways, so we kin spoil her then." Pausing, Fiona bounced the baby bovine on her knee as she smiled wistfully.

"Us as actual parents and not and unlikely babysitters is still g'win to take some gettin' used to, ye know? But... it does make me happy. Ye make me happy, Briaar. And ye do too, me wee moo moo." Wrapping both arms around the furry babe, O'Dell gave her a squeeze and kissed Minnie atop her head. "So we'll celebrate by bein responsible parents and bringin' the baby to a pub to get blind drunk, aye? Only this time no holosuites..."

----------

Requisitioning a somewhat cramped but functional Type 6 shuttlecraft, the improbable family left the Hera from where it was docked at the Jupiter station and, with the Mariposian midget at the helm, they were on their way to Earth and the Emerald Isle itself, as planned. Arriving without incident, any concerns the pair of extremely new parents might have had over how well Minnie would handle being in a shuttle was quickly dispelled by a ride peppered with giggles and awe at the sight of the stars streaking past the windows, and awe at the sight of the green and blue planet below.

Day one was the somewhat predictable tour of Blarney Castle and County Cork, with a tour guide that the irascible couple delighted in irritating throughout the twelve-hour guided tour of the area. The day ended, predictably in a small, local pub that was clearly a tourist-trap, where they closed down the night in their trademark style. But with the addition of the adorable Minotaur babe, they garnered even more attention than they usually would, as half the tourists wanted pictures with the fuzzy bundle. An activity only slightly dimmed when the drunken couple remembered that in a moneyless society, they couldn't charge anyone for the privilege. However, they could be plied with drinks, and that substituted quite handily.

They could, however, bundle every picture and forward it along a secure subspace signal to Jaeih Dox on the Hera. Pictures all tagged with a number of increasingly persistent messages asking the suspicious Romulan intel agent that they had taken a liking to, to come and join in the fun planetside.

Day two began with the fairly odd family being kicked out, and banned for life from the luxurious resort known as Adare Manor, which they had chosen to stay in on their first night. The beautiful palace had never quite had guests quite like Fiona and Briaar, but it was little Minnie that had been the last straw that had gotten the family removed as she decided to all but paint the walls with the remnants of a significant amount of her recycled dinner in the form of noxious manure.

From there, and with a reply from the affectionately nicknamed 'Grandma MurderPunch' that she had no desire to ever set foot on Earth ever again, it was time to engage in some day drinking a bit further away from the tourist traps as they took the shuttle to the aggressively quaint village of Clonakilty and worked their way from pub to pub before eventually chasing Minnie through a field as she had squealed with delight upon discovering a flock of sheep and absolutely needed to hug as many of them as was possible.

Struggling to stand had given way to walking and now a waddling kind of top-heavy running, as the magical minotaur maiden took another rather rapid leap in development, and while they had no actual measurements to work from, Fiona swore the babe was centimeters taller and a kilo heavier, practically overnight.

It was an adorable display that had made them, once again, the center of a bit of attention that they were able to leverage into even more drinks, and lunch at a local restaurant where Briaar broke the local record for eating potato pancakes. And, of course, a number of holovids of Minnie hugging sheep that was sent back to the Hera with yet another message. The odd couple was nothing if not persistent, even if there were no further replies.

After another night of drinking that ended with the happy family sleeping in the shuttlecraft in lieu of a hotel, day three was kicked off with a trip to take little Minnie to see the highland shaggies. The adorable baby Minotaur that had been born on the Hera was positively transfixed by the sight of the floppy furred cattle of the Scottish highlands. It was both aggressively cute and a genuinely emotional moment as the two newly minted mothers watched their big, brown-eyed baby encounter creatures that looked like herself for the very first time. There was crying and hugging right up until little Minerva tried to take an impromptu ride by grabbing the horns of one of the shaggies before Briaar caught her in a flying tackle worthy of a linebacker.



Returning to Ireland proper and the county of Limerick, it was another evening of bar-hopping with the baby that had become a tourist attraction onto herself wherever they took her. Drinks, singing, darts, and various bar games were played late into the night until the worn-out family decided that they didn't want to sleep in the shuttlecraft yet again, and began complaining about it.

"I can't do it again, Fee." Briaar Gavarus said as she held onto little Minnie's hooves, with the tiny tot perched on her shoulders, trying to grab the hanging glasses from the top of the bar, which experience had shown would end with smashed glass on the polished wooden floors. "The couches on the shuttle are fine for you, and the travel crib is perfect for Minnie, but I had to twist like a squished-ass pretzel to sleep in that damn thing. There's gotta be a bed and breakfast or a... whatchamacallit... a hostel or just a lame hotel in this town."

"Ach, me poor love. This is almost as bad as that time we were stook in that escape pod for a day. Alreet, alreett, nivvir ye fear, I've a plan," Fiona muttered as she picked up a PaDD out of the diaper bag and started scrolling across the screen. "Since Starfleet picks up the tab, so to speak, I know of a place hearaboots... not s'stoofy as that hoity toity place where they dinna appreciate Minnie's artistic skills, but a bit moire doown ta earth, a bit draftier and cozier... ah, here we are. Dromore Castle, set in the foothills ootside Belfast, where me people originally immigrated from to pess off to the stars. Our name literally comes from the fact that we lived in the dells and glens there... aye, this should do the trick!"

Holding up the tablet so Briaar could see, Fiona had onscreen a luxuriously large canopy bed that looked large enough for a human family of six, which would, if the model in the bed were not O'Dell's size, would be more than adequate to host the tall Tellarite comfortably along with her picayune partner and their mischievous moppet. Offering up the device, Fiona handed it over so Briaar could look the place over and review the amenities.

Holding the PaDD at arm's length to let her drunken eyes focus properly, Gavarus read the file. Meanwhile, Minnie reached down from her perch on her towering mom's shoulders to try grabbing for the pretty pictures of the picturesque castle and amenities. "This looks nice. OOOh, and they have a bar off of the lobby! Sweet!"

Looking up, the tubby Tellarite smiled, "Whadda ya' think, Minnie Moo? This look like a fun place to go next?" to which the mini Minotaur babe began bouncing in place and chortling out a half giggle/half moo. "Well, I'll... Uuurpp! Take that as a 'yes'. So, that's two yesses, FeeMom."

"Well allreet then, Breemom... ach, I guess we do need some way to differentiate betwixt us. Tell ye what, howbout ye be Mooom." Fiona deliberately strained out the word without yer accent to form a more conventional pronunciation of the word, followed by, "and I'll be Mum, aye? Then we still have Mum, Mummy, Mumma and alla the variants she might decide to go through until she throws something through a wall crying that we dinna understand and it isnae fair?"

"Mum and Mom. That works for me. And like you said, Minnie will eventually just come up with something of her own once she starts talking." Briaar said, setting the PaDD down on the bar and taking a particularly large scoop of the trail mix that was in a bowl in front of them.

"So, Dromore Castle it is." The portly Porcine said with a full mouth as she pulled little Minnie down and brought her down to the bar to sit in front of the pair of new moms. "Ready for another little adventure, Minnie Moo?"

As she spoke, little Minnie waved her arms over her head and squeaked out a gleeful, high pitched moo that rippled into a giggle and making grabby arms for Fiona this time.

"Alreet ye wee monster c'mere... hoof!" Fiona climbed onto a seat then grunted as she lifted the babe off her partner's shoulders. "S'a good thing I started workin oot before ye came along. Miss Minnie, or I wouldnae be able to life ye. Yuir gettin so big yes ye are! Cuz ye drink yuir milk and that builds strong teeth and bones, aye? S'reet! Okay, you need a change and mum needs ta pess, so..." setting the child on the floor on her hooves, Fiona considered pushing a boundary, then thought better of it.

"Or maybe mum carries ye into the toilet, given the general state of cleanliness of the floor of pub bathrooms..."

To Be Continued...