Fragile Trust

Posted on Mon Dec 9th, 2019 @ 4:16pm by Commander Rita Paris & Lieutenant Commander Sonak
Edited on on Wed Dec 18th, 2019 @ 12:25am

Mission: Neutral Zone Neutrality
Location: Golden Ghost, guest quarters
Timeline: 2396

Retiring to the quarters assigned to them on the Golden Ghost, the old Romulan Bird of Prey that was currently ferrying them to their rendezvous with destiny at the reunification colony of Mol Kun’chi, Commander Rita Paris looked around the spartan quarters suspiciously. Az’Prel had swept them for security, which was an order she had initially felt might be a bit overboard, but was now taking some cold comfort in the knowledge that had come to pass. Racking her brain, she couldn’t imagine a time or opportunity for anyone to have ‘gotten to’ Az’Prel, so on the list of people of whom she now had to be suspicious, Az’Prel was low on that list. But the fact that there was a list at all made her stomach churn, and Paris still found herself looking around the empty quarters with a suspicious eye.

Methodically, she moved to inspect the room, seeking any clue of sabotage, of surveillance, of tampering. Because she would be remiss in her duty as an officer if she did not. Because someone might have come through after Az’Prel’s sweep. Because she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if she didn’t.

By the time Sonak arrived, she was in her EVA armor, using the suit’s scanners to search for any sort of possible bugs, toxins, traps- anything suspicious. Her husband's arched eyebrow rose as he saw her nervously checking every inch of their quarters; obviously not for the first time.

''Please tell me, my wife; is there a problem with the environmental controls?''

"No..." she began, turning to face him before being distracted by a reading that indicated no different results than the first few times she had checked, before powering the EVA suit down and shunting it to the extradimensional space where she stored it. "I just... I needed to be certain that the quarters were secure. I know Az'Prel checked them when we came aboard, but I couldn't be certain that someone hadn't come behind her, or that it might have been something more technologically advanced than she is used to looking for, or..."

Turning to face Sonak, Rita looked genuinely miserable, on the verge of tears.

''Or you want something done well, move your butt and do it yourself?''

Sonak was not mocking her. Although he could not share her anxieties, and barely understood them, he would never ignore or dismiss them. And with decades of being with Humans and other emotional beings, he had learned out of observation and experiment two ways to stave off a negative emotion; bring forth reason... or stimulate another, more positive emotion.

Like laughter.

"Did you really just say...?" Rita managed before she snorted, then burst out laughing. "Yes, I..." Nodding, Rita stepped into his space, slowly sliding her arms beneath his and laying her head on his shoulder. Shuddering slightly, she sought the reassurance of his touch. Feeling insecure, adrift and overwhelmed, she sought the one constant point in the universe. The rock of stability that was a constant, from which she could navigate anywhere in the universe and beyond, and always find her way back. Pulling back slightly, she brought her forehead to rest against his own, reaching for him... to find her way back.

...Sonak...

It took barely a nonsecond for their minds to connect the moment they touched. The matrimonial bond between them was faster and deeper than any mind meld. And with it, he could for a moment experience what she felt, and she in turn could perceive what he thought, both as if they were but one mind struggling with the emotion and anchoring themselves into reason. Even their bodies came into synch, his higher heartbeat slowing down, his deeper breathing drawing hers in, her coolness diffusing his higher body heat, the dryness of his skin absorbing her sweat and tears.

...Thy'la... your Human feeling of apprehension is logical in the present circumstances. Thus, use logic to master both.

That's my problem... logic tells me that trust is a mistake, that caution is sensible, and that the conspiracy facing us cuts deeply. What if you can't find the programming? What if the Dox's are still compromised, and will turn at a critical moment? This implantation of sleeper personalities into people... it's horrible and frightening and I can't know who to trust. A vice admiral sent that woman on this mission, one who wasn't even supposed to know about the mission at all, and she did so in order for the mission to be betrayed. So that WE would be the cause of the deaths of those colonists.

Who else? How do we fight this? How do we trust, when people don't even know themselves? The anxiety was not quite panic, but the desperation and the frantic looping of logic, following the implications of what they had learned, knowing that Ensign Varnok back on the Hera had simultaneously been activated as a sleeper agent had thoroughly unsettled her, as fear and logic were running neck and neck, both headed for conclusions she could neither ignore nor seem to escape. The confidence and clear vision which usually guided her was undermined, and in such circumstances, she clung to him, hoping for some reassurance that her logic was flawed, that she was not seeing some element of the paradigm which the brilliant mind he shared with her could readily discern.

Trust Dox; her mind and mine were shared and through our bond; you know now, just as I do, the truth of her being. Trust me; we have already together foiled this major attempt to infiltrate us, an attempt that would have succeeded if not for us. Most of all, you have known success in such perilous missions before; this makes you now even better prepared to face the next challenge than you were back then; trust in yourself.

I DO trust Dox... it's this... great unknown I'm afraid of. If she turns out to be a deep cover agent, it'll destroy her. Or her mother, or both. They're our family, Sonak, and I'm terrified for them, Rita explained, clarifying her own feelings by explaining them to him, as she so often did. You said yourself there was a possibility that you might not have detected it...

There was the brief flash of paranoid thought- what if it could be transferred via the mind meld? What if all those telepathic Remans who died during the building of that wretched technology somehow managed to imbue it with the capacity to be telepathically contagious? It was highly improbable and certainly a rather impressive leap of logic, which had very little evidence to prove it. But as a burgeoning anxiety, it still bloomed there in the inventive and imaginative woman's mind. In the life she led, the improbable was often far from the impossible- it was seldom limited, as Sonak had observed, by their own understanding of the forces of the universe.

The thought bloomed, but she refused to let that fear take hold.

As quickly as it occurred, she rejected the idea. Sonak's mind was vast and powerful, and she knew it well. So too did she knew his soul and his calm and precise green heart, and the will which drove him. His thirst for knowledge and understanding of the universe was matched only by his self control. While genetics granted him the capacity to perform feats of mental telepathy, it was his own will which moved them to action, and expanded their range, power and intensity. It was his control over his own body and mind which enabled him to meld with another, so easily and thoroughly. Afterward he tended to compartmentalize the experiences in most cases, to prevent too many loose whispers in his own mind. But just as she could always feel a part of him within her, so too a part of her lived within him.

Their katras, intertwined and shared freely with one another- the purest expression of giving she had encountered in all her travels.

Through him, she could recognize the odds of his statement, wherein he did have to admit there was a small but not inconsequential chance that he might not detect such a personality implant. Which gave her the idea that perhaps the implanted personality was not custom crafted for each deep cover, but perhaps one personality... which in a way narrowed down some of what they were looking for, somehow in her mind. All of this passed through her mind in the seconds after she wondered about him... and realized that her first instinct, as usual, was the right one, and it was folly to doubt the kolinahr. Far too self aware and strong-willed, no insidious brainwashing technique could assail his intellect fortress.

Sonak was Sonak, and that remained a constant of her universe. Which brought Rita Paris more relief than she realized.

Pulling back slightly from him so that she could look upon him with her own eyes even as they shared minds, and sort of double vision he'd long ago taught her how to reconcile, the impulse engines finally caught in Rita's brain, pulling her free of the mire of panic and paranoia she'd wound herself up in over this. "All right. The chance of you not having caught it in our people is very low, and this isn't some metascience Q level god thing. These are sneaky secret police with a machine they've programmed. How... how do they preprogram them for situations, though? How did Oulette get triggered, or Varnok? It isn't magic, so there must be some sort of contingency, or some way to activate them, no?

''That part is rather basic hypnotechnique,'' the Vulcan explained; ''implant a trigger word or event and the process will activate upon such occurrence happening as a matter of simple behavioral reflex.''

He then went back to the toughts she had shared with him.

''Vulcans, as a matter of basic education in a society of psionically endowed population, learn at a very early age to build mental barriers and defenses. Even the dreaded Klingon Mind Sifter cannot penetrate them. Of course, the kolinarh disciplines bring this basic technique to a much higher level, enabling effective defense even against powerful telepaths like Betazoids. And in my case, because of my peculiar inborn exceptional level of mental sensitivity, I was trained longer and further than any other Vulcan currently alive. You remember on our first assignment together how I was able to challenge even the Talosians. I may not be able to find masterful tampering in another's mind; but I would assuredly sense any attempt to tamper with mine... or yours, since we are bonded.''

He paused for her to assimilate what he was conveying before finishing.

''As for Dox, do not fear for her either. For months now she had been my sole disciple and the intensive mental training I shared with her was first and foremost to build up her mental defenses. She proved an apt and dedicated pupil, able to even fight off the mental influence of the god-like beings we recently encountered, even when one had already taken a foothold in her mind. I estimate her mental shields to be second only to mine.''

Then something else occurred to him.

''Thinking about it, there has been observed an inverse proportionality between the degree and quality of infiltration and the number of attempts. That is, if the mental implant and brainwashing technique used on this Lieutenant Oulette is as advanced and thorough as we estimate, then it is logical to assume that there were correspondingly much fewer occurrences of infiltration. Case in point; when the Changelings infiltrated Earth during the Dominion War, they sent only one, as they knew Earth was unequipped to find it, and thus defenseless against it.''

He looked straight at her.

''Of course, that doesn't mean to relax our caution. But we can reduce our apprehensions.''

"Fear can be healthy, panic serves no one. I wonder if I can get a decent cup of tea out of one of these replicators..." Rising, Rita fished her collapsible PaDD out of her uniform top, snapped it open and sought to transfer recipes to the replicator. "Well, good to know. Dox was awfully worried about mental intrusion... nice to hear you found an apt pupil, and that she can protect herself. Her report was that she resisted the device successfully, and I'd hate for her to have been wrong. So, there's a touch more paranoia we can safely remove from the board. That just leaves the rest of the universe, but as long as we've got one another, we've got a chance."

Pausing in her activation of the replicator, Rita mused. "That's it. That's what was driving me to distraction about all of this. So long as we can rely on one another, as a crew, I can be confident. Because I believe in Starfleet, and Starfleet is every member of the crew. But the command staff, more than anything. I need the Captain to make those hard calls and be a sneaky pirate. I need the Doxes because they've lived in the shadows, and they're dangerous, but they have noble hearts. I needed Asa... I should have seen that coming. The withdrawal, the insular behavior, the long silences. This life is pretty dangerous out here, and they're still just a kid. A kid I dragged through a day in a war."

The replicator dinged and the door slid open to reveal a wide, squat mug of tea, a bergamot blend whose scent soothed her and helped her think. Removing the mug, she blew on the tea as she cradled the mug in both hands, part of the ritual, as she sat down on the bed. "Thex with her tinkering and her over-achievement, all settled down with twins no less, and a full family unit. But knowing she's down there, making sure those engines are running and that there's power for whatever cockamamie scheme we throw at her."

"All of them... that's what I believe in, and what gives me the courage to face whatever situations arise. But not being able to trust them... mmm, yep. That just takes the rug right out from under me. I never realized that about myself, but here I am." Taking a sip of the tea, she savored it's warmth and the scent of it. "We can't accurately hypothesize without more data, which we'll get tomorrow. Right?"

''In the current circumstances, that would be a logical course of action,'' he acknowledged, going for a change of clothes.

Reaching up, she touched his arm to restrain him. If he was moving to change, then he likely meant to continue working- after all, his exceptional metabolism combined with his unparalleled discipline meant that he needed far less sleep than she, and in fact could go days or even months without it, merely meditating to reorder and rest his mind and body. But for right now, she required a bit more reassurance- while her mind was calmer and his logic had penetrated and dispelled much of the fog of fear that had clouded her mind, still she required reassurance of a more physical sort. Years of being an energy ghost had left her very tactile by nature, and while their minds came together so often so too did she have needs of a more physical nature. Needs which she silently expressed to him, with questing eyes.

They came together, in the manner of her people, as they had for many years now, and would for many more. In those moments, she felt truly alive as in no other, and she expressed her love and admiration for him, even as he reciprocated in kind. Together they wove their bodies and souls together as one for a brief time, as they bridged the gap between their cultures, and themselves.

In the face of such intimacy, no lingering doubts or paranoia or anxieties could remain... as together, they drove back the fear of the unknown with the absolute confidence they shared in one another. Confidence... and love. Devotion, understanding, and above all, love.