A Meeting of the Minds

Posted on Fri Jan 24th, 2020 @ 12:01am by Kodria Mizu & Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Lieutenant JG V'lera
Edited on on Fri Jan 24th, 2020 @ 12:06am

Mission: Neutral Zone Neutrality
Location: Councilor V'lera's Office
Timeline: 2397

The U.S.S. Hera had a new counselor, and Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox couldn't be less excited by the prospect as she made her way to the new transfer's office.

The ship's Chief Flight Control Officer and pilot had a mixed relationship with councilors. Her first was assigned to her from social services when she was sent to Earth to live with her adopted grandparents at sixteen. Having been raised as a smuggler, and made to believe she was still half-human through surgery and genetic manipulation, suddenly being asked to live on Earth and be a normal teenage girl was a massive adjustment for the young woman more accustomed to piloting the freighter she had grown up on through nebulas and avoiding Rihannsu and Klingon patrol ships in the Neutral Zone.

In the few years between being sent to such a radically different kind of life until joining Starfleet, she went through six different therapists. In the academy, she was regularly sent to councilors to deal with her anger issues and inability to conform to the social norms of Starfleet rank. She may have thought she was half-human, but the part of her that was half-Rihannsu... or 'Romulan', as her people were known to the rest of the quadrant... helped isolate her from others further.

But she had made great strides since joining the Hera, learning to embrace her heritage and past. She had learned of the early childhood alterations that she had blocked out and had those procedures reversed to restore her Rihannsu physiology and appearance. She had learned that her true name was "Mnhei'sahe' and not 'Melanie'. She had reconciled with her mother over the trauma of her difficult childhood and was moving forward. She was now married, with three girls on the way. And while she hated the first Councilor she encountered on the Hera who threatened her with mental invasion, she had been best friends with the last.

With all of that in mind, she read over the personnel file of the ship's new Councilor, a half-Vulcan, half-Orion woman named Lieutenant JG V'lera on the PaDD she always had on her as she walked through the corridors of the ship she called home and loved as such. She would do her best to not shut down with the new doctor, though she would rather be anywhere else at the moment.

After all, scheduled sessions had been a requirement since she was returned to active duty two months ago after being cleared by Starfleet Psych. But they still wanted her to talk to a counselor regularly, considering what she had endured as a prisoner of the Tal'Shiar for a month not too long ago. It was protocol and she understood why it was in place, but she would rather just talk to Rita or the Captain or her own wife when she needed to. So, as she arrived at the door to the woman's office, she tucked the PaDD into her back pocket, adjusted her crisp, crimson uniform and ran her fingers behind her pointed ears, clearing her mid-length, curly red hair out of her face, a leftover from the genetic manipulation that made her appear half-human for most of her life.

Pressing the chime on the pad outside the door, the anxious young officer waited.

------------------

V'lera had a packed schedule. She had one appointment coming in now she had one this afternoon with a young Ensign that was a hoarder and she had three other scattered throughout the day. To say she was happy was an understatement. She liked to be busy so this was good. It allowed her not to think about other things that had been on her mind, especially the note from Vulcan from the woman who'd saved her life all those years ago. She hadn't opened it yet.

She'd met the CO, the XO, the Medical Officer, and Sonak. It had been an interesting few days. She hadn't unpacked yet but she would do that this afternoon. Surak had been in one of his moods too so she'd left him at home. The little furry terror was running all over the place. He may have been blind, but he'd learned the layout quickly. She smiled outright as she thought of her pet.

Just as she got up and was heading to the replicator the door chimed. Wiping the smile off her face and schooling her expression a little she took a breath and called out, "Enter."

As the door slid open with a hushed wooshing, Mnhei'sahe stepped in. She had made it through a gauntlet of dozens of different admirals, Intel section heads, therapists and Tal'Shiar interrogators. One more counselor wasn't going to shake her. She had no expectations that this new councilor would be anything like Asa Dael, but really nobody could be. And as she paused in the entryway of the chamber, she resolved to try and not compare the two. Asa wasn't just the ships CMO or a counselor, they were Mnhei'sahe's best friend and she tried to be happy for them, having been transferred to Starfleet Medical.

But there she was, mulling again, and she needed to clear her mind and deal with her current reality. "Hello. Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox reporting as scheduled. I'm here to see Lieutenant V'lera."

V'lera took a step forward. "I am V'lera. Welcome." She motioned to the comfy chair. "I was going to get myself some tea, would you like something to drink or eat while we meet?"

"Nn..." Starting to answer, 'no', out of old habits, Dox stopped herself mid-thought. Deciding it might be best to start off on a less guarded foot, she nodded slightly and changed course. "A coffee please. Brhon caelis blend, please. Black. Thank you."

Literally translated as "morning energy', Dox asked for the overly strong, tart Romulan coffee she preferred and waited politely.

V'lera gave a nod. "Of course." She ordered the coffee for Dox and a peppermint tea for herself. She brought them to the little table. Pulling out an antiquated notebook and pen she sighed. "Welcome to my office. My apologies that it has not been ordered yet. I will do so shortly." She paused. "Thank you for not missing the appointment or canceling." She was used to those. She'd already had a couple of them.

"No need to rush on my account, my office is... a bit of a mess right now as it is." Dox replied, stepping over to the table across from the green-skinned, Vulcanoid woman. According to her personnel file, Lieutenant V'lera was half Vulcan and half Orion, or Kolari in their own language, which lead to her appearance. And Dox noticed that the woman did exhibit elements of emotion in her mannerisms with the slight sigh and logged it internally, trying to take a measure of the new crewmember.

"My appointments are still required by Starfleet Intelligence, so canceling isn't much of an option... pending an emergency or pending duty that has me off-ship, of course... unless I want to be removed from duty." Dox said flatly, sipping her coffee and still standing.

V'lera gave a nod. "This space here is a safe space. I wish you to know that. I wish for us to get to know one another. I understand that trust is something earned and I will endeavour to earn and keep yours." She held up the notebook. "Do you mind if I take notes on this? I always ask and I enter the notes into the computer as required and then these notes are destroyed, I just have a preference for writing. If it is uncomfortable for you I can use the regular PaDD."

So far, nothing about the woman ticked off any of Mnhei'sahe's internal warning lights. At least nothing specific that she could point to. She seemed friendly and was doing her best to make the young Rihannsu woman comfortable. As such, Mnhei'sahe tried to almost force herself to relax a bit, though she still stood professionally until she was told she could sit. As friendly as V'lera seemed to be, the councilor still had authority in this scenario and Dox was still an officer that found comfort in protocol.

Giving a nod and taking another sip, Mnhei'sahe replied a bit more comfortably, not yet quite smiling, "Whatever works best for you. I have no objections, either way, thank you."

V'lera studied her. "Please, I would like you to sit and be comfortable. In this room no rank exists. We are two people having a conversation. I do not wish you to feel any uneasiness." She could sense that the woman was not that comfortable. V'lera understood trust was something that took a while. Today she would keep things light. Usually, she allowed a few sessions where they would get to know one another. "Counselors often ask probing questions. If you are uncomfortable with a question I asked I would like to know why but in the same token if you wish to ask me anything please do so." She believed that counseling was a two-way street. If she got to ask personal questions then so should the patient and for the most part, V'lera was an open book. There were shadows she did not dive into but nobody usually asked those questions.

Taking the offered seat, Mnhei'sahe set her coffee down and looked around for a moment, trying to get comfortable. "I... apologize for my... demeanor, Counselor. In the interest of... disclosure. I have not had the best history with counselors, so I'm trying to not just shut down and go on the defensive. Which is... not the easiest thing to do for me."

She inclined her head slightly while tilting it to the left. "Understandable. I have seen the turn over on the ship with respect to counselors and I can understand how you feel. I too have had to go through counseling and some of the sessions were less then pleasant. That is why I would like to keep an open dialogue so that we can find our balance and a way of working as a team. Please tell me a little about yourself. It can be anything."

Taking a moment, Mnhei'sahe thought on how open-ended the request was. Asking for her to frame then first thing that was said rather than ask a direct question was unorthodox but also telling. Whatever Mnhei'sahe said would reveal far more than the specific details given. It would tell the woman how she thought and what her frame of mind was at the moment.

Considering that, Mnhei'sahe fidgeted with her coffee cup and sighed. 'Safe space' or not, she felt exposed already as she spoke. "I'm… I admit, I'm at a loss for what to say without an actual question. I suppose it would be good to start with the fact that I do not like the word 'Romulan'. I mostly don't bother telling anyone this, but what's the phrase? Begin as you intend to continue?"

V'lera asked this question particularly because it allowed each person to answer in a unique way. Some talked about likes, dislikes, hobbies; others went straight to trigger words. Writing the word down or taking notes at this point would be counterproductive so V'lera put the notebook and pen on the table in an attempt to make this conversation more of a conversation and less of a session. It was to ease the mood. Here was a young Romulan woman who did not like the word Romulan. She could relate to this young woman. "Why do you not like the word Romulan," she asked.

It had been a topic she had avoided since joining the Hera. It had only been a few weeks since she first even mentioned that hearing the word still stung to Rita Paris, and she was hesitant to rock that proverbial boat but it was the first thing she had thought to say when asked and she chose to say it. And so, now she owed it to the new counselor to answer.

"Growing up, I was just Rihannsu. Our own word for ourselves, not the name that was attached to us by the early Federation explorers that mistranslated it and picked a word from ancient Earth history to attach to us. And it's a word all that all the quadrant uses, and… it bothers me." Dox admitted hesitantly.

"My mother taught me our history and our culture and who we were as a people and who we could be. But to everyone else, we were just 'Romulans', said with the venom and weight of what our people became to the Galaxy. It's been used as a slur one too many times. I've… learned to deal with it and not push the issue. But lately, it's bothered me more lately."

V'lera had gotten so used to the transition that she barely noticed it. It was like the rush of cold water that ran the length of her body. In her mind there was a disconnect. She was no longer V'lera the Vulcan Orion but Counselor, an entity, a being on her own. The past, the thoughts of her life, her family, all disappeared. She was not tuning into her patient. She'd tried to describe this to a few people and they had laughed at her and she was just imagining it. To her it felt real. It was a time where all her senses seemed more tuned.

"Words seem to take on a mind of their own. They can be used reassure, enlighten, amuse, and cause pain and uncertainty. You associate Rihannsu with who you are, with what you are, Rihannsu gives you strength yes?"

"Rihannsu is what my people are. It means, 'The Declared' in our language, taken from the act of declaration made when we left Vulcan to seek out a new home. For better or worse, it meant something once. It speaks to our better nature as a people that has been largely forgotten." Mnhei'sahe replied thoughtfully. "When I call myself Rihannsu, I think of what we have accomplished and what we could be again. I think of the people in our world's history that strove to make us better and it's something to aspire to, I suppose."

"Now think of just the word Romulan. What perceptions are attached to it. Tell me where the venom in your voice comes from. What is the meaning of Romulan to your mind?"

"Romulan..." Mnhei'sahe said with the exact venom V'lera described, "Is what we became. Romulan represents everything wrong with our culture. It was the word spat at me as a child by Klingon and Ferengi traders like a slur. It was the word used to justify every terrible thing said to me during my time on earth. It represents the xenophobia and isolationism. The paranoia and the lack of... of honor. It's the Tal'Shiar. It's Dalia Rendal." 

The last name slid off of her tongue like a thing spat out from disgust. The name featured prominantly in Mnhei'sahe's file as the Tal'Shiar commander that tortured her, her mother and her grandmother, then murdered her father.

V'lera understood her feelings. The disgust, pain, and even anger, were strong in her words. "A word can cut just as deeply as a sword. Beings, that should know better, insist on using them to cause pain and havoc. Some Rihannsu have lost their way, that is true. They have become the Romulans that you speak of. Those who hurt, cause trouble but not all of them are that way. When...beings have had bad experiences they project the actions of a few onto the whole and then good people like yourself get hurt. If you will allow me the honour of working with you I would like learn more about what you went through. I can...pick up on your pain and confusion. I would like to help remove the sting of that one word for you. To show you that whether you are Rihannsu, Romulan, Vulcan, Andorian, or Klingon whatever word is used is just that, a word. The truth of the person is much more complicated. We cannot help how others use words and what they attribute to us we can only help ourselves not react to those words. I would very much like to learn more about you and your experiences if you will honour me with your trust."

"I... realize I'm doing exactly what I dislike when are done to me. I'm projecting the experience of my... experience..." Dox paused on the word, not saying it at first, then choosing to course-correct as she continued, "My abduction... onto my people as a whole. It's no different than what has been said to me by others that associated me with their own experience regarding Rihannsu."

"And I know I need to work through this all better. The psychologists I had to meet with at Starfleet psych... five of them in total... were all more focused on... ensuring I hadn't become a sleeper agent for the Tal'Shiar than they were interested in how I felt about what had happened." Dox had a bit of resentment in her voice as she continued. "Our last councilor... Doctor Dael... was also my best friend. And the were transferred off ship at the same time as I was on Earth for my debriefings. I never got to talk to them about anything that had happened."

"I... I would... appreciate... some help with dealing with this." Mnhei'sahe finished, hanging her head to stare at her coffee cup a moment.

V'lera gave a nod. "I will help you. Let's put the Tal'shiar aside for now. Let's focus on you. I would say we meet once a week. We need to deal with how you feel how you have been affected. " She thought a moment. "If I tell you something now. Will you hold onto it. Your reaction will be to get angry but I want you to just hear the words and the reasoning and then maybe when we've dealt with the trauma you carry we can talk about this phrase again."

Initially, Dox's reaction was one of mild suspicion. She didn't necessarily like answering a question like this without knowing what was actually going to be said, but she was also curious. So far, this new councilor was decidedly different from any she had encountered, and her intuition told her to give her the chance. As such, she replied with a nod. "I will. Or, at least, I will make every effort."

"Good. An effort is all that I ask." She paused. "Forgiveness is the key to truly moving on and when we forgive it is a powerful medication for the illness that is trauma. We do not forgive others to sooth their soul or to absolve them of their actions. We forgive to allow our mind, our soul or katra to heal."

As predicted, Dox's first emotional reaction was anger as she thought of the implications of what V'lera was saying. But rather than allow that to linger, she chose instead to ask a question in that regard, "Who is it you're suggesting I... forgive?"

"Firstly yourself for whatever you are carrying, secondly...we shall see as the web untangles. You said a name just a while ago that elicited quite the response, I would say, if I have to guess revulsion, anger, hate." She sighed, "It will take time. One word of advice. Holding on to your hate hurts you more than the one who is the object of it. Take it from a Vulcan who knows."

"Perhaps, but Riov Rendal tortured me, tortured my mother and my... my grandmother. She executed my father with a sword in front of me while I was shackled to a chair. Forgiveness for her... might not be possible for me, if I'm to be honest." Dox replied in a straightforward manner, then paused. She thought back to that experience and truly thought for a moment, putting a hand to her chin as she did.

"Of course, it wasn't Rendal that orchestrated the kidnapping, it was my grandmother. And during that time I... learned to forgive her for that. I forgave my mother for everything that happened in my childhood. So... I will try and keep an open mind, Counselor."

"Good. Open mind is all that I ask. I would like to take a moment to remind you of something," she said.

"Which is?" Dox asked quizzically, an eyebrow raised.

"We are a team. You are not alone nor will I let you go through anything alone. My goal as a counselor is to make sure you are okay. I don't care what Starfleet thinks and what their counselors think. My aim is to help bring order to the chaos of pain that is weighing you down."

"Stronger together. That's what Commander Paris always says." Mnhei'sahe replied, relaxing just a little. Her gut was telling her not to let her guard down, but she was making an effort to be more open, so she nodded slightly. "So...where do we go from here, then?"

"We get to know one another. We talk as per Starfleet requirements but if there is a day that you wish to not come in we can reschedule." She went back to her spot and sat down. "Counseling here," she said motioning to the office. "Can be intimidating. We can have our sessions on the holodeck or I can book the observation lounge or wherever you feel comfortable." She looked at the time. "We still have time so we can cover anything you'd like."

Nodding, Dox replied with the slightest of smiles. "Well, if the goal is getting to know each other and building trust to move forward, perhaps the best thing is if I ask the same basic thing you asked me? To tell me something about yourself, beyond the basics of your personnel file."

She gave a nod. "Fair question." She thought a moment. "I was born at the foot of Mount Seleya, I love to read, and I write. I love journaling. I love history and archeology. I entered counseling because I wanted to help...heal people and I have a pet. A raccoon named Surak."

At that, a lopsided grin cracked Mnhei'sahe's serious facade. "I've... never been to Mount Seleya. I've wanted to really go there for a while now, but the opportunity hasn't happened just yet." As she talked, Dox thought of her lessons from Commander Sonak and the version of the iconic Vulcan peak that existed only in her mind. "I feel like things are a bit uneven now. You've told me a bit more than I've told you."

V'lera gave a nod. "That is okay too. In time we will know one another more." She sat back a little. "Mount Seleys is beautiful. I have a program I will be loading for the holodeck. Perhaps our next session could be there. This way you can see it."

"Perhaps..." Mnhei'sahe replied, deciding this was an opportunity to open up a bit more and chose to take it. "I have a program of it I use to... try and meditate as well. Commander Sonak designed it for me. It's where we work on training my mental disciplines and training. Rihannsu may have given up their mental disciplines when we left Vulcan, but... well... I have had some of those abilities re-awakened and he has been instrumental in my learning to focus that."

"I am glad for that. Having these abilities can be overwhelming. How often do you work with him?" She asked to make sure she didn't venture into his territory.

"My... abilities are still very limited, and I've not focused on developing them near as much as learning to keep things out of my mind, which has been... an issue." Mnhei'sahe admitted, somewhat sheepishly. "I have been able to... extend my abilities to defend my mind to others through mind-melds, but I have required Commander Sonak to initiate those melds. That ability is... far beyond me."

"When our schedules permit, I train with him about once every two weeks. Sometimes weekly, sometimes not. There is something of a chaos to the schedules here on the Hera as missions often happen somewhat unexpectedly. But I will go to the holodeck to practice in the program he designed for me and meditate as often as I can. Sometimes I will meditate in my quarters with a  Vulcan brazier her gifted me for that purpose."

"My wife is Miradonian..." Mnhei'sahe said, referring to the unique, Avian species that Ensign Mona Gonadie belonged to, "Her people are capable of bonding empathically with their chosen mates. We have a particularly strong bond that allows us touch telepathy. I've worked hard to develop that and probably practice with her more than anything else."

"Fascinating. Usually when there is a telepathic bonding it I strong with mates who are truly in love. The fact that yours is that strong is a good thing. Have you been married long?"

"Not long, really. Our bonding ceremony was only five months ago." As Mnhei'sahe spoke, she ran her fingers over the black, pearlescent metal Rihannsu ceremonial Marriage bracelet she wore on her right wrist, the braided length of her hair entwined with one of Mona's vibrantly colored feathers sealed in the center, visible through a thin resin centerline. The black metal, taken from a piece of the hull of the Hera herself.

"She... my wife... she says that the strength of our bond is only achieved in Miradonian couples that have been bonded for decades. But, that connection is a part of me now. I can always feel a piece of her energy within me now. It... in many respects, it helped save my mind and my life when I was taken. It and my training is what I clung to."

"Then it is something you must nurture and treasure. I, for one, am glad that it saved you. I am glad that we have had the opportunity to meet."

"I... would have to agree." Mnhei'sahe said with a hesitant but sincere smile. "I was... reluctant to come here. I have to admit that I probably wouldn't have had it not been a requirement, but... I'm glad I did. And I'm not actively dreading our next meeting."

She resisted the urge to smile. "That is good. I can understand your hesitation. With so many counseling switches and some counselors can be... very overwhelming." She sat back allowing Dox to take the conversation where she wanted. They were nearing their time's end but her next appointment had sent her a note saying he'd be late.

"I've had... a lot of them over the years. And the last... Doctor Dael was only filling in, really. They were our chief medical officer, but served as a counselor after the prior one ended up being... unbalanced. Asa was a great counselor, but it wasn't a responsibility I think they wanted. It was a lot of pressure for them and I think that when the transfer to Starfleet Medical was offered, it was one of the reasons they took it. But they were also by best friend, so I have to admit that the prospect of new people coming on board to replace them has me... a bit more defensive than I usually am around counselors." Dox replied honestly. "The relationships have often been... adversarial."

"Well, I hope ours will be more productive. The key is communication." She said. "You must tell me how you are feeling and you must have trust. That will, however, come with time."

"Well, you haven't bragged about your ability to read my mind, so you're already one up on our last official counselor." Mnhei'sahe chuckled lightly as she let out a bit more of a smile. "So... with that in mind...I'm willing to make the effort to make this work. Thank you."

She gave a nod tilting her head slightly. "I am grateful for the chance to work with you. I would say our first meeting went well."