Messages to Asa: Room to Grow

Posted on Sun Jan 19th, 2020 @ 5:02pm by Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox
Edited on on Fri Jan 24th, 2020 @ 12:04am

Mission: Neutral Zone Neutrality
Location: Deck 8, Crew Quarters
Timeline: 2397

Private Holo Communication.
Stardate: 72140.83
From: Lt. Cdr. Mnhei’sahe Dox. U.S.S Hera
To: Lt. Asa Dael. Starfleet Medical, Earth.

Hello Asa, It’s Mnhei’sahe.

Well, it’s a hologram message, so I suppose that’s kind of obvious. You can see me. Heh. Anyway, I wanted to send you a message to let you know what’s been going on here on the ship. At least, regarding the events that aren’t completely classified, of course. Intel Command will have reviewed this completely before it gets to you, so hopefully, it isn’t just a bunch of half-sentences with massive redactions throughout.

So, it might not look like it, but right now, I’m standing in your quarters. Mona and I were able to get permission to have engineering take out the wall between our quarters in order to expand our space in anticipation of the children. I… I can’t believe they are due in only four months. It feels like it’s all happening so quickly.

In my heart, I just felt like… it seemed appropriate. You have been such an important part of this even being possible for us to have children. And… well… I’ll be honest. Yes, the fact that there are no windows in any of the available family quarters down on deck fourteen was not something I was looking forward to, but… I didn’t want someone else in here. I know that’s selfish as Areinnye, but it’s the truth. I thought of some new transfer in your quarters and I got... angry. It's so petty and I hope you don’t mind too much. But… yeah. It felt... right to me.

Anyway, this is your living room. We added partitions, and this will be the room for the girls. We haven’t started really decorating it yet, but the structure is all here and ready. Mona’s working with Ensign Gavarus down in R&D to design special Miradonian cribs so they won’t be flying around all night when we’re asleep. I still can’t believe that they actually might be able to fly up until they will be around two, but so far, Doctor Power says that their genetic scans are showing predominantly Miradonian physiology. Hollow bones and down feather development that is all normal for Miradonian children.

He says that they are looking like they’ll have my ears and their blood is reading a strong copper base, so it’ll be green like mine, but they are really going to be as much Miradonian as they will be Romulan, which makes a lie out of my people’s insistence of our so-called genetic dominance in mixed children. Mona’s taking shots daily… part of Miradonian pre-natal care that her people developed to enable them to cross-breed better. It’s processing the different blood that’s working its way back into her system that has been messing with her hormones, increasing her nausea and been making it a bit difficult for her as we go into the final stretch. But she’s... been amazing.

Oh, the Captain made her R&D department permanent, so Mona’s officially a Department Head now. I helped talk her into accepting a promotion to Lieutenant, which was not easy, but it’s going great so far. The department even has its own uniforms now. It’s kind of a darker blue. Like, not as teal as Science is now, but not the powder blue science used to be. They look great. And believe it or not, they talked my mother into joining the department as a nanny to help look after Minerva and the other kids. It’s almost impossible to wrap my head around, but she’s… she’s actually taking to the assignment really well.

Anyway, we took your old kitchen set up and are merging it with ours so Mona will have a full kitchen to work with now, which she’s very excited about.

We have a new doctor, who I… I haven’t seen yet. She’s… she’s also El-Aurian and I have to admit that I’m avoiding her. Something about it just bothers me and I don’t know why. I know I need to get over myself, but she’s just…. She’s just not you, Ace. We also have a new counselor. She’s half Vulcan and half Orion and I don’t have a choice but to see her, and my first appointment is in a couple of days. I’m not looking forward to it.

Oh, yeah. The ‘no choice’ part. Starfleet requires that I have weekly sessions ever since the kidnapping and my time on… well… that’s something that we never got to talk about either before you left. I was only back a couple of days before you left for Earth, and… I didn’t know how to talk to you about my… about what happened. With everything you were going through, it seemed cruel to put this all on you then. But then… before I could… you were leaving and I didn’t want to put my issues all over your moment. Which… which I guess I’m doing now. I’m sorry. I am.

It’s been… it’s been hard without you, Asa. *Sniff*. I kinda needed you. I still do. While you were being interviewed for your transfer when we were docked at Jupiter Station, I was being grilled by Intel Command and Starfleet Psych. All because of what happened with the kidnapping. And I can’t even tell you like this over SubSpace. It’s all CLASSIFIED. Not to be discussed over SubSpace frequencies.

I… I can’t tell you what happened, but it is so hard to deal with. I’m so tired, Asa. Tired of being strong for everyone. Tired of pretending that it doesn’t hurt all the time to think about. I’m just so tired.

But… *Sniff*... I don’t have a choice. I’m a Commander now and I’m not allowed to cry. Not really. Mona knows… Rita. Enalia. But I still have to put up a front. Pretend that the weight of everything I’m not allowed to talk about isn’t crushing me. I’ll be okay. And who knows. Maybe this new counselor will be helpful.

I miss you, Asa.

*Sniff*. Sorry. I know this isn’t fair to you. I just… I miss being able to talk to you with no expectations. No burdens of command. No worrying about what you or the children can feel through a telepathic bond.

Wow… yeah. I should tell you about that. Because… well, it’s a good bit happier news, anyway. The children… I don’t know if I will ever be calling them chicks like Mona. But they are already amazing. Asa, I can feel them when Mona and I touch. I can feel them as strongly as I can feel Mona. I can hear what they’re thinking. It’s not like worlds... but it’s so incredible. I… I don’t know how to describe it in words.

You remember when my mind was open because of…

=^=REDACTED=^=

… could literally see people’s aura colors when I closed my eyes and touched them. It’s like that, but so much more intense. It’s boosted Mona’s sensitivity immensely. She could feel what I was feeling when I was on…

=^=REDACTED=^=

...when we are touching. Their auras are like a… like a rainbow still. Like their potential is visualized by encompassing every color and when we touch, it’s like I can’t tell where I end and they begin. It’s just… it’s beautiful, Asa.

I think it’s helping me get some of the strength back that I lost after… well… you know what happened. We were there together when that door in my mind was closed. But… maybe it’s not the smartest idea I’ve ever had… but I’ve been wanting to talk with Sonak to not only strengthen my defenses, but learn how to reach out again.

Heh. I know. I was terrified. All I wanted to do was learn to keep everything out of my head. But with everything I gained thanks to restoring my bond with Mona. With the chicks. With some of the things I’ve done that… I can’t tell you about. I am starting to understand that what I was most afraid of was not being in control. And so I’m working on it. Sonak has said my mental defenses are nearly as strong as his own, and I can tell you that I’ve had to put them to the test a couple of times now.

But with what I’ve been able to do with his help… well, I have been working on getting stronger. Developing what I am capable of. It’s not much of anything, but I’m trying.

Anyway, I wish I could tell you more. I wish you were still HERE so I could tell you everything and give you the biggest hug I could. I hope things are going well at Starfleet Medical. I know that you’re going to change the universe for the better. You’re amazing and I hope you know that every day, Asa.

You are and will forever be my bond-sibling. I look forward to hearing from you. I love you, Asa. Be well.

Jolan’tru.