7: Rita Decker On Deck

Posted on Sat Aug 8th, 2020 @ 11:47am by Commander Rita Paris

Mission: The Bulikaya Particle
Location: San Francisco, the Paris family home, Bleeker Streethome
Timeline: 2270
Tags: Rita Bulikaya

So it’s June 16th, right? Will’s Birthday, exactly. It’s his 35th birthday, and so of course we’re having a big to-do, and Daddy’s invited over all of the best officers and it’s going to be a lovely fleet party, so long as Admiral Yamamoto doesn’t bring along his horrid third wife Buffy. That woman is an absolute nightmare in Louis Feragamos, and could she buy a dress that fits already?

Since Will’s actually home for this one, it’s really going to be a super big deal. Matthew’s home from the Brentwood Academy, and he’s growing up to be tall and handsome, just like his father. Cliffy’s been underfoot in the kitchen of course, but I keep shooing him out to go mingle with the menfolk. He always gets shy around big parties like this, especially when it’s fleeters. Not really sure why that is, but he needs to get over it. Then there’s Malcolm, of course, the little scamp, and dear little Thomas was everywhere being his usual irrepressible self.

At 17:45, I’d had my cup of coffee- might have to eat some of the finger foods later, so I had to watch the calories now, you know? After four kids Daddy was quick to point out when it looked like I was regaining that baby weight. Now I had fifteen minutes before the guests who show up an hour early started arriving for the party at eight. Which wasn’t a problem- the walk-in cooler was stocked, the platters and table decor were all arranged, a gift table was near the door for all the bottles of scotch that would be presented as birthday gifts. Everything was prepared. Rita Decker, on deck and on duty. There was no way that this party wouldn’t be a smashing success. Especially once everyone heard Will’s big news. I could barely contain myself I was so proud. Practically beside myself.

Then, as I stepped into the pantry, just exactly that happened.


I mean, you should have seen her HAIR.


It looked like that rat’s nest Matthew’s hair grows into by the end of the summer. And that figure! I mean, I might have indulged in a bite or two of cake tonight. This girl looked like she’d eaten the entire bakery! I mean sure, you know, I’m ‘gifted’. But this girl looked like she could feed a village! And that fat butt, those thick thighs. And to top it all off, she was wearing a UNIFORM. Can you believe that? In command gold, no less! Same as Daddy and Will!

Well, except for the fact that this one barely covered that big round rear end of hers. I swear, the girl WAS her own chair.

So the funniest thing about all of this is how SHE’S looking at ME with this sort of shock and horror look. Right? Like, you popped up in MY pantry looking like THAT and I’M the one who looks out of place? I mean, it was me, but I barely even recognized her she was so fat! She’s shaking her head like she doesn’t know what to say, so I figure I’ll fill in the conversation for her. I start to inhale nice and deep to wind up for a scream that’ll put all hands on deck. That’s when she steps in and clamps her fat fingers over my mouth, her thumb squishing off my nose as she pins me up against the shelves.

Apparently she knew what I was winding up for. Go figure.

“Look. I’m you,” she whispers in my face. “I’m Rita Paris, I’m from another dimension. I’m here by accident, and I think I’ll be here for about a half an hour. I come in peace, I mean you no harm. If I let you go, do you promise not to scream?”

When she took her thumb off my nose, I inhaled experimentally, then exhaled, nodding. I mean, she had my eyes. Same as Daddy and Albert and the boys, but those... I know my own eyes, and I saw them looking back at me. So I believed her.

Besides, it’s me. What weird thing doesn’t happen to Rita?

Taking her hand away from my mouth, she let me up and gave me a little room. As she looked around, her eyebrows furrowed. “Is this... the pantry in Daddy’s old house, on Bleeker Street?”

“What did you do to your HAIR?!?” I asked, covering the far more relevant ground. I kid you not, she runs her fingers through it just like Albert does and she grins at me. That’s when I figure out that this version of me is a lesbian, just like Daddy always said would happen if I shipped out on a starship. Then I realize she’s looking over my body, and suddenly I am really uncomfortable in the pantry.

“Okay, so, sure, tell you what, I’m hosting a party tonight. It’s Will’s 35th, so-”

“Will? Will Decker?” she askes me, with a little surprised smile.

“Yes, I’m married to Captain Will Decker,” I replied, maybe a little more haughty than I should have. Plus I was spilling the beans about Will’s promotion, but for some reason I kind of felt the need to rub it in her face. Probably because she was wearing Commander’s stripes on her sleeve. EXACTLY. Just like Will and Daddy. She looked like a gender-bent version of Albert, and it was just...ugh!

So.

I tell her this, and her face gets this haunted look, and I swear I could see her doing the math. When she asks me for the date I’m rolling my eyes. “June 16th, 2270. What, are you from the future, too?”

“As a matter of fact, I am... oh no, Rita...” Right then Malcolm was chasing Cliffy through the kitchen, and her eyes get big as saucers as she turns back to me and I can see tears welling up in her eyes. No, real tears! “Kids... you have kids, oh my stars, Rita...”

“Okay, look crazy lady from another time and dimension, I don’t have time to play Dr. Who with you right now-” I started to say as I start to march out of the pantry, before she grabs me with those beefy arms and swings me back around again like I’m some kind of rag doll. The woman was an Amazon, I tell you.

“2270.... He’s getting the Enterprise, isn’t he? They’re giving him command of the Enterprise, and he’s going to see her through the refit, assemble the most diverse crew in all of Starfleet and be prepared to lead them all to the stars, and Jim Kirk is going to use a threat to Earth to take it all away from him, and... Will isn’t coming back from that mission, Rita.” She tells me all of this, and she’s still holding me by my shoulders and shaking me a little bit. I feel kind of dazed, like when Will kisses me.

“So... whatever you do, stop him from taking the posting. If you can’t stop him from taking the posting... crap... if he’s not there Kirk will destroy the Enterprise with the phasers in the wormhole, and while the Earth might dodge V’Ger, it won’t survive the whale probe. Damn... time travel really is a thorny path. Do what you will with it, Rita, but... I thought you ought to know.”

Now, can you believe she has the nerve to look contrite after throwing out all that nonsense at me? Kirk taking back the Enterprise and Will dying on a mission. “Fiddlesticks. Clearly wherever YOU come from, you never figured out to settle down and get a husband,” I said as she held up her ring finger and, no kidding, there was this ugly grey band, like a man’s, but like a dove grey.

No stone. Right? How weird is that? Lesbians.

“Okay fine, but if your name’s still Paris you didn’t marry Will. So this is a different universe with different rules, and you don’t KNOW anything. You might know what happened in YOUR timeline, but this is MINE. So, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like for you to keep all of that to yourself and not ruin my husband’s party. Mostly by staying in here and staying out of sight.”

“Wait... if this is a birthday party, that means the fleet’s going to be here, which means... Daddy’s here, isn’t he?” The way she asked. it was like she was looking for a fight, but sad at the same time. Which was weird, in all the rest of this weird episode.

That was when I told her that technically he still owns the house, so yes, he’s here, and I could see there was a lot was going on in there. “Haven’t you seen Daddy lately? Too busy out in space being a lesbian...?”

“No... no, I wasn’t kidding about the future. I haven’t seen Daddy in years... do I even want to? Should I?” she started asking herself, and I answered for her.

“No. No, you should stay in here and think about that for, oh, maybe another half an hour until you astral project or beam or phase shift or whatever you do to get out of my life,” I said, backing out of the pantry as she started pacing. “I’ve got to go answer the door, so would you excuse me?”

As it turned out the doorbell was ringing, and it was that dashing Lieutenant Stivers, bringing over a courier pouch for Daddy. I sent him up to the study, then broke up a fight between Matthew and Cliffy, then got the boys to go upstairs to get themselves inspection ready. I made sure Daddy was alright and Will was still working in his study. By the time Lieutenant Stivers was coming downstairs, I had actually forgotten the overfed version of me was in the pantry.

I guess I didn’t expect her to stray far from the food.

It was weird that Stivers kept checking over his shoulder, but I’d found a stain on the parquat floor that wouldn’t do with company coming over, and I just sort of absently waved. Then a few guests arrived, and I was in hostess mode, and I forgot all about her.

Until nearly a half hour later, when I found my fat twin talking to my brother Albert. Standing there pretty as you please, a glass of good scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other, like she was an officer and a gentleman. With those feedbags in front, right? I couldn’t make out what they were saying, because right then that horrid Buffy Yamamato found me to pester me about who had done the tile mosaic in the downstairs bathroom. By the time I finally got free of that horrorshow, Albert was giving lady lumps a hug- a hug, can you believe it? She had headed out the door by the time I reached him, but when I did, he was watching after her.

“Albert? Do you know who that was?” I asked suspiciously, and he shook his head as he grinned.

“Damned if I know,” Albert says, the forever Lieutenant. “But something about her, y’know? Pretty girl.”

Ew.

I let that one pass because that’s why I pay a therapist, and I find my twin and a half out in the backyard, looking up at the sunset through the trees.

“Thanks for letting me visit, Rita. This was.... Nice. To see everybody again, to reconnect with the old house, the skyline I remember.... Thank you.” She turns around, and she’s got tears in her eyes. Some rough and tough space girl, I figure. “I wasn’t kidding... I live in the year 2397. I haven’t seen the family in years. Daddy’s still a stubborn sexist pig, and so’s Albert. But still... it was nice seeing them again. Thanks for that.”

“You’re a great hostess, Rita Decker.”

Then she’s gone. Just, like, vanishes- one second there, the next second not. So I shake my head and I go back inside, and someone’s spilled on the couch and needs a rag, and Daddy’s out of ice in the study by now, and Albert’s probably trying to corner some pretty ensign and the boys are roughhousing again.

But it’s fine, I’ve got this.

Rita Decker on deck- extradimensionally recognized great hostess.