I'm Going to Be a Father

Posted on Wed Apr 27th, 2016 @ 9:30pm by Commander Sinek & Lieutenant Commander Ethan Chaparral MD

Mission: Talosian Perversions
Location: CMOs Office
Timeline: A Few Weeks After Angel is Recovering

Commander Sinek struggled with his thoughts. Angel's recovery had been slower than he had hoped. Both her and their child would be fine.

The child was another of Sinek's concerns. His only model for fatherhood had come from Vulcan. His own father didn't seem to care for Sinek's views or the path he had chosen for himself. Vesik was a controller and manipulator. If things weren't under his control, he would soon swing things in a way that they would be controlled by him. Because of this and Vesik never seeming to approve of Sinek, the CSO wasn't close to his father. Would Sinek follow his father's pattern? Was this the only way a Vulcan father were tot side his child?

Just as at other times in the past, Sinek went to the one human besides Angel that he truly trusted as a friend. Walking to the CMO's office, he rang the chime, awaiting with his hands behind his back.

Ethan was meditating when the chime sounded. He came out of the trance state, knowing who it was on the other side of the door. "Come in Sinek," he called out.

Sinek awaited the door to whisk open and he entered. This was one of those times he wasn't comfortable standing. He took a seat and looked across the desk to the Doctor.

"I do not wish to interfere with work progress," the Vulcan started. "If I am, please ask me to leave."

"I wasn't working, I was, troubled,well trying to head off being troubled, so I was meditating. Do what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked. Then thinking of his words and how the Vulcan might take them he asked, "what brings you here?"

"You were troubled?" Sinek inquired, hesitating to share his own thoughts. "May I be of assistance?"

"Just lingering, old ones, of Ian. Don't tell Dylan, I don't want him to worry, but I still get nightmares once in a while, but the meditation helps and you didn't come here to hear my troubles. Why did you come?"

"If the nightmares are as bad as you say, I am certain Lieutenant Santiago knows," Sinek suggested. The Commander looked to the Doctor. "I have come to you before for counsel. You are a friend and have given me sound advice. What concerns me is the fact that I am going to be a father."

"He might know I guess, though I try not to let him. But let's talk about you. What is that concerns you. I know Dylan doesn't feel like he had that great of a role model and isn't sure if he would make a good father or not. Is your problem something similar?"

"The only specimens I have of fatherhood are Vulcan, explicitly Vesik," Sinek replied. "I have not regarded him as a superior model to fatherhood. I am his son. What if I am no better?"

Ethan looked over at him, "You're not like your father Sinek. Would Vesik have done a mind meld with me? Would he befriend a human, teach him how to meditate? I'm betting the answer is no. But you did."

"So you are saying," Sinek asked, "it is logical that I would father a child differently than Vesik?" It was strange to hear Sinek ask question, especially questions of doubt concerning himself.


"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but yes, that is what I am saying."

Sinek thought it over, chewing it in his logic, continuing to come to the same conclusion. He was Vulcan. The only Vulcan fathers he had known parented in the same manner. Logic must be the standard. And the father's logic overruled all else. It may have seemed cold, sometime cruel, and often calculating, but it had served the Vulcan way for millennia. It didn't matter if Sinek saw it as broken. Logic dictated that if the process worked, it isn't replaced.

"I wish I was as secure in my confidence as you seem to see me," Sinek replied.

Ethan, placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Fatherhood will be good for you Sinek. And for your child. You're right, I am confident in your abilities. And, I know you might think you're alone in you own insecurities, but I can assure that you're not. I know of very few men who aren't worried about taking on the role. If you weren't concerned, if you didn't have questions, then I would be worried.

"It is normal to be confused?" Sinek had a lot to learn. The models he had seen of fathers supposedly knew everything. Even when two fathers with opposing views were together, both were right. The more he thought, the more confused his mind became. How could anything of this nature be normal?

"Yes, Sinek it is perfectly normal. People do worry about such things. They want to be a good parent, a good role model, a good teacher. I have questions about what kind of father I would be and, like I said, so does Dylan. It's a little different with us. I had good, caring, parents. He didn't."

Sinek raised a brow. He had met the Doctor's mother. While Ulani seemed to love her son, Sinek wasn't sure if she were the best role model on parenthood. It seemed she did everything she could to embarrass Ethan.

"So, I must love the child in the same way I do Angel?" Sinek asked.

"Yes, more or less. Not exactly the same, Angel is your wife, your child is part of you in a different way. He's going to be part of you and part of her and then his only little person besides."

Sinek had known about that. He knew he was more like T'Qol than Vesik. He also knew that much of his personal choices were opposed to their logic. To them, Sinek must have seemed rebellious. Hopefully, Sinek would be the type of father that would realize the best path for his child would be the things that interested them. Of course, he would ensure their safety, security, and well-being, but the child would determine through his/her own choices a quality of life.

Sinek wasn't much more comfortable with his thoughts, but at least he was able to voice them. "Thank you, Doctor," he evenly expressed. "Please do not tell Angel that I have spoken to you."

"Of course now Sinek, I would never betray a confidence. My lips are sealed, I won't tell anyone."

"I'm sure she's already concerned after meeting Vesik," Sinek explained.

"She very well may be. Have you talked to her about it? I've found that with Dylan or any relationship that it is best to talk things out. Clear the air."

Sinek bowed his head. He hadn't spoken about it with Angel. He wasn't certain if he would.

"I am not certain I desire to hear her response," Sinek evenly replied. "Her response may be that she fears I'll be as Vesik is."

"She might, "Ethan admitted, "but you can't deal with an issue until you know if it really exists. If we're being candid with each other, there was an issue that Dylan and I wrestled with. With my father deciding that his love for my mother outweighed his homosexuality and my mother, uh, making the choice to, switch sides as it were, he was afraid that I might, find a woman. But I would have never known it was an issue for him until we talked."

"I comprehend what you are saying," Sinek dryly replied. "It is an awkward exchange to have."

"But one that may be necessary for you, you should consider it."

"I will assuredly consider your advice," Sinek returned. "I do thank you. You have always been available when I have needed counsel. Again, thank you."

 

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