Controlled Chaos

Posted on Mon Oct 9th, 2017 @ 11:40pm by Chief Warrant Officer Daytona Ral & Staff Warrant Officer Nexi

Mission: When Iconians Deserve to Die
Location: Holodeck
Timeline: Current

Daytona calmly evaded Nexi's strike and passed it away from him, sending her arm across her throat and knocking her off balance.

"You're getting angry again," Daytona said. "And I'm not. Which is why I keep knocking you around. Take a moment. Breathe. Center yourself. Let the body mechanics do the damage, not your rage."

Daytona kept his voice level, gentle, encouraging. He knew how difficult it was for someone Nexi's age and temperment not to rely on their anger to add power to their fighting skills. It was hard for him and he'd been around a very long time. Of course, that was probably because he was physically in his 20s and had lots of piss and vinegar left in him.

"Hold!" Daytona said as a warning sounded off from Nexi's belt. "Let's take a break."

Daytona ordered up two bottles of water and handed one to Nexi.

"Drink," he said. "Please."

Nexi didn't take the offered bottle, instead paced across the holodeck sparring center with her clasped hands resting atop her head as she tried to control her breathing as he'd taught. Controlled rage had been her strength for so long, trying something new was like moving a planet out of orbit, it wasn't going to happen overnight.

"This isn't going to work," Nexi said with frustration when her belt finally stopped whining at her.

"Maybe," Daytona said. "But neither will you going hog wild on the bad guys, not at the moment, anyway."

Daytona took a drink and looked pensive for a moment.

"This may be none of my business," Daytona said. "But I've been assuming you and Cato's relationship has become physically intimate. When was the last time you were with him?"

Nexi sighed. "We, uh... can't be... together right now," Nexi said uneasily. "Apparently this black shit has reached a point that I'm 'contagious'. Dedjoy said it requires direct blood transmission, but... I'm kinda scared to put Cato at risk so I ain't even kissed him since we found out," she admitted as she strolled over to the weapon rack and picked up a staff, twirling it like it was her pike to help her calm down some more. "Not that it's that much of a sacrifice for me, I honestly didn't even like sex all that much before I started caring about people, but... I care about him, I don't want him infected too."

"That's good," Daytona said. "That you care about him, that is. I hope he cares about you, too. You've both had rough lives. You both could use not only someone that cares about you, but also to for you to care for. Caring for someone else takes you out of yourself, forces you to get out of your own way so you can be present for the other person."

Daytona took another drink, swallowed, then spoke again.

"However," Daytona said. "As far as sex...you're not who you once were. The sex you have now is not the meaningless waste of your time that you've you've participated in before. With the right mindset and intent, sex can be beautiful. My people believe it is both unhealthy and unnatural to abstain from sex. Along with physical exercise, sex is how we control our turbulent Vulcanoid passions. It's why we're not bloodthirsty warriors. Most of us are doctors, nurses, scientists, and farmer, with a few miners thrown in here and there. Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of right bastards and first class asshats among my people, not to mention some just plain bad people. But as a society, we are not like our Vulcan ancestors. Logic saved Vulcan. Sex saved Rigel V. I'm guessing it could save you, if you could get your head in the right place when you're having it."

Nexi rolled her eyes, but even she had to admit that he had a point. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of admitting it out loud, though. "It's nice, having people to care about and who care about you," she admitted as she continued to twirl the staff. "It's weird how having just that can change my perspective on things... Daln was trying to teach me what you're talking about, but maybe I just wasn't ready for it yet. Now? I don't know... Maybe this is just me being afraid to 'need' anyone..."

"Like most Humanoids, we're social people," Daytona replied, his tone still gentle. Nexi played tough, acted like she didn't need things like kind words, but Daytona had learned that being nice to her had a positive effect on her...as long as you didn't point it out to her. "We thrive in the company of others, whether that's groups of people, or just a select few people, or even just one person. You know, if you want to try to have sex with Cato...maybe not in a traditional way, but still...anyway, there are ways...things you can do with each other. Or there are things you can do with yourself that would ease some of your stress, maybe melt away some of your anger."

Nexi grimaced at the though of playing with herself. "Do we have to keep talking about this?" she asked, then she finally stopped twirling the staff to come get some water. "Don't get me wrong, I get what you're tryna get across, but I ain't even ready to talk about this to Cato, I sure as hell ain't ready to hear this from you."

Daytona shrugged.

"Just trying to help," he said. "So, I know that you know how to fight, though, to be honest you could use a little polish, but that will come with time. Anyway, I know you have formidable fighting skills. Where did you get them? For example, did you train yourself to use that pike? To fight empty handed? Or did you get some kind of training, formal or informal?"

"I, uh, had a mentor, of sorts..." Nexi replied, pausing to take a drink of water. "Uh, Liquidator Grek, guess you could call him my 'employer'," she tried to explain, being evasive about her former status as a slave, "he kept me around for... 'fun', but also because I had a mind for numbers and I would help him balance his books. But there was this guy, Merrit, who would do work for him as an independent contractor, and somehow he convinced Grek that I could be more useful as a Collector. So, he essentially 'bought' my time to teach me the ropes, helped me earn some money so I could buy my ship and go independent. It wasn't until we went back in time that I realized I was responsible for him helping me out; not long after I got my ship and started working on my own, I heard he came into a lot of money and retired, remembering that prompted me to open an account in the past that would go to him so long as he got me away from Grek. Anyway, he taught me most of what I know, and what he didn't teach me he encouraged me to develop on my own, like my telepathy and my natural electrical discharge."

Daytona knew full well what kind 'employees' a Ferengi Liquidator would have, especially if they were a young humanoid girl he could order to run around naked.

"I'm sorry," was all Daytona said about that before moving on. Two words to let Nexi know that he understood, and...maybe just a little more. "If you ever want to talk about your...employment history, I'm here and I'll listen and, unless you're a danger to yourself or others, I'll keep my mouth shut about what you share with me."

Daytona let that sit for just a very brief second, then...

"So," he said. "Can you show me anything he taught you? Moves? Forms? Even just individual strikes. Something we can get you to repeat over and over until you can do them calmly and smoothly, even in actual combat."

"Ah, well... He didn't really 'teach' me so much as he just started kicking my ass until I fought back," Nexi admitted. "He would pause to correct my stance or just tell me to raise my guard a little more, but he didn't really do any- Forms, that's hu-mon talk for fancy patterns of moves, right?"

"Uhm..." Daytona said. "I think the closest word in Ferengi would be 'Voya', which I think applies to dance. Ferengi martial arts mostly consist of groveling and scrapping and begging and pleading. But yes, that's one use of the Federation Standard word 'forms'."

"Uh, I think you meant 'Vooya', unless you like having your ears pinched..." Nexi replied with a perplexed expression. She took another drink of water, then set the bottle aside and finally put the staff away. "Thankfully, I never had to learn any Ferengi dancing, but I do know other forms of dance, so I think I get what you mean. That said, Merrit didn't teach me anything like that in terms of fighting, we just kept sparring until I got better at it. So if you want me to do anything like that 'form' thing, you'll have to show me."

"Okay," Daytona said. "Stand next to me and match me as I move. I'll go slow until you pick up what I'm doing. Clear your mind as best you can. I know that when someone says 'clear your mind' I immediately remember every thought I've had for the last three weeks, so I don't expect you to go blank. Just move as I move and breathe as I breathe. Focus on your breath and move as smoothly as you can. If you start to get frustrated, breathe and try to keep going. If you get lost, stop me and I'll back up and we'll pick up from where you got lost. This isn't going to feel like combat and that's because standing alone, these forms aren't combat. I'm really just teaching you to exert yourself and motivate yourself without using anger to do so. Ready? Take a deep breath and...begin."

Daytona began to move, slowly, exaggerating the sound of his breathing so Nexi could follow it.

"Good," Daytona said. "Just like that. Remember to breathe...that's it."

As demonstrated the day she sparred with Cato and started mimicking his Capoeira style, Nexi was a quick study, and while it would take some time for Daytona's lessons to become etched into muscle memory, she was able to keep up with his movements well enough, and she had admit to herself that there was something calming about practicing this way.

"And how long do we do this?" Nexi asked as they moved from one form to another.

"I was thinking until we were too tired to move," Daytona said with a grin. "Or maybe until we've gone through it at least once. A bit more now. Believe it or not, this is one of the shorter version of this style. Let's finish this up and then we'll do something else."

Daytona led Nexi through the rest of the form, then did the finishing move, a move designed to center the body and spirit. When the two of them had settled into an 'at rest' position, arms at their sides, knees slightly bent, feet shoulder width apart, Daytona took one more deep, cleansing, centering breath and let it out.

"How do you feel?" he asked Nexi. "Oh, you can move around now if you'd like. In fact, let's get some water."

"Dunno... okay, I guess?" Nexi said, following him to retrieve their water bottles for another drink. "I mean, I guess I see the sense in it; you do these forms long enough, they become automatic, so you don't have to think about making a move, the body just reacts with little thought or emotion. But I don't really 'feel' anything," she said with a shrug.

"Well," Daytona said. "You seem more relaxed, so that's a start. Want to do something else before we call it a day?"

"Yeah, I guess I am more relaxed," Nexi said, only just now realizing that herself. She took one more drink of water then put the bottle away. "Yeah, let's do it. And, uh, if you wanna make a program to help me practice this stuff even when you can't be here to help me, that'd be awesome. I got enough room to keep practice mats in my shuttle bay, and there's emitters there so I can follow a holo-dummy to help me learn these form-things."

"Sure thing," Daytona said. "Alright, come on over here with me."

Daytona led Nexi over to the middle of the mat.

"Alright," he said. "Match my stance. Good. Okay hold your arm out like this. That's right, so we're just barely touching. Good. Now you push towards me. I'll accept your move and then push back you. Be mindful of how your body moves and of how my body is moving. Don't just push with your arm, push with your whole body. That's good."

Nexi was silent at first, intensely focused on their movements, the push and the pull that was becoming a sort of dance between them.

"Where did you learn all this?" she asked after a while, not breaking their movements or faltering to counter him.

"This is actually an ancient Vulcan form still taught on my world," Daytona said. "Here, let's try it with two arms. Match my stance. Hold out your arms like this, you give, I receive, I give, you receive. Perfect. Anyway, it's pretty common to find a teacher on my world, but, as you may remember, I spent about two decades trying to learn to be a monk. Martial arts was part of the training. 'Train the body, train the mind'. Well I did well with the martial arts. They were something I could understand, that I could make a part of myself. I did pretty well at psychokinetics. I think that may have been because I thought it was fun to control electricity, and fire, and temperature and water and, you know, move stuff with my brain. This stuff came in handy for the really fun stuff though. Learning to harness those powers takes focus. But...being a monk at the Monastery at Gol isn't all fun and games. The busy work I could deal with. It was the price of doing business. Learning Numerology...not so much. That and I was kind of a wiseass, if you can imagine that. So, they declared me the worst monk in training that they'd ever had and sent me on my way."

"Yeah, I believe it," Nexi replied with a snicker when he said he was a wiseass. "In fact, I think you still are a wiseass," she remarked as they continued to trade moves back and forth. "I don't know if I can do all that 'monk' shit... I like getting into trouble too much."

Daytona chuckled.

"Me, too," he said. "Back then, anyway. And what did I, wiseass and troublemaker extraordinaire do right after leaving the monastery? Did I join the...what do the Terrans call it? Oh yes! The circus and become a clown in training? Nope. I joined the ARMY, because, you know, there are no rules to follow there."

"Sur-kus, Sur-kus..." Nexi enunciated as she tried to remember what that word meant as her translator had no viable translation for that in Ferengi. "Oh, those shows where you pay to gawk at people with horrible deformities? Why would you even want to join one of those? And I joined Starfleet, so I ain't any better than you joining the Army."

Daytona laughed.

"I guess we're both gluttons for punishment," he said. "Okay. Let's stop. Do this move with me, breathe through it. And...there. You should feel at least a little more centered. Want to do this again tomorrow? I think I have the time."

Daytona picked up their water bottles, realized they were empty, so he recycled them and produced two more. He handed one to Nexi, then opened his and took a drink.

"Yeah, I can make time," Nexi replied, then took a drink from her bottle. "Been riding the desk since they let me out of Sickbay, it's been driving me nuts. I'm also trying to work out my shoulder 'cause it's still tight, but I could use some help with that too."

"If you'll permit me," Daytona said. "I can help you loosen up your shoulder a bit. I'm no Maica Telvan, but I've picked up a few massage tricks over the years. I no funny business, I promise. I'm spoken for and I don't stray."

"Massage? I was just gonna ask if you could help me stretch it out, but if you think your idea would help, I'll give it a try," Nexi replied with a shrug, clasping her hands behind her back. She began to pull her arms to the left, her right shoulder displaying a great deal of flexibility, but when she pulled to the right, she winced, her left arm not reaching nearly as far as the other arm had.

"Hmm..." Daytona said. "Computer, give me a massage table and the related supplies, please."

The mats disappeared and massage table appeared, along with a side table with a small bottle of oil in a warmer. The setting, already serene and relaxing, became more so.

"Alright," he said. "Choice to make here. I can either give you a full body massage, in which case you'd need to strip, lay face down on the table, and I'll drape a folded sheet over your backside if you'd like for modesty. Or I can just work on your neck, shoulders, and back, in which case you can just strip above the waist and lay face down on the table. Either way, I think I can loosen you up enough that you'll find stretching that shoulder to be a less painful experience. What do you say? Your call."

"Raised by Ferengi, remember? Also, not above using my body to get a mark, modesty ain't really an issue," Nexi said, looking at the table as she unclasped her hands. The issue was, she'd never had anyone give her a massage before... In the end, she settled for removing the straps of her tank top so he had free access to her shoulders; she didn't know if she was ready for this 'whole body' nonsense... "Face down, right?" she asked as she hopped up onto the table.

"Yep," Daytona said. After she was face down on the table, Daytona checked to make sure that the oil wasn't too hot or too cold and determined that it was a good temperature. He put some on his hands and began to massage Nexi's neck and shoulders, spending extra time on the sore shoulder. He kneaded, stroked, and pulled, adding more oil to his hands as needed. He let the warm oil and the touch of his hands warm her muscles and relax them. Now and then he would stretch the shoulder a bit, being very careful to stop at the slightest indication of pain from Nexi. The shoulder seemed to be loosening a little at a time.

"You do carry a lot of tension," Daytona said after a while, his voice soft and gentle. "Consider having Maica give you the full treatment sometime. That would also help you relax, and give you a little needed humanoid contact from someone who a) isn't trying to kill you, and b) doesn't want anything in return. From experience I can tell you she's very good at her job. How are you feeling? Any better? Let me know if I'm causing you any pain or making you uncomfortable."

"All this talking is making me uncomfortable," she said bluntly, but let him continue working. "But I'll take your suggestion into consideration," she relented; after all, her shoulder did feel a lot better now. When he finally finished, she sat up and stretched her arms about to test their range of motion; the left shoulder still needed some work, but it was better than it had been before. As she hopped off the table and pulled the tank top straps back into place, she meandered over to the replicator for another drink and to access the holodeck program to add something else to the room, a set of straps hanging from the ceiling. Once she had drank her fill, she gave her arms one more good stretch then approached these straps and wrapped one around each wrist, then she let herself hang from the straps a bit before beginning roll up exercises to work individual muscle groups.

"Yeah, this feels a lot better," she remarked in between sets. "Still tight, but it don't hurt so much."

Of course talking makes you uncomfortable...

Daytona sat back and watched Nexi work. She had excellent control and good form, which wasn't really surprising. He'd expected nothing less than excellence from Nexi physically. Socially and emotionally...well...actually, she didn't do to badly there, either, for someone with her background. She could be social enough, when she put the effort in. It was genuine humanoid, emotional interaction that she shied away from, as far as he could tell. She didn't trust people easily and didn't like to let people in close.

"That was very impressive," he said. "Very impressive indeed. Alright. We'll do the forms and the exercises again soon. And don't be afraid to take a minute or two here or there when you need them and can take them without getting killed, a moment to breathe, center yourself. I know how dumb it sounds, trust me, but doing that can help."

With a sigh, Nexi pulled herself up so that she was upside down, just swinging as she thought about things. "Guess I just ain't used to how things are done in Starfleet, not yet anyway... I mean, I'm not used to so much direct confrontation! I'm used to going unseen, getting what I need without confrontation, or being the sneaky, underhanded bastard who takes a potshot so that my opponent's at a disadvantage if it does come down to a confrontation. Just not used to all this 'equal ground' stuff, and doing my best to hold back so I don't kill my sparring partner; because Merrit sure as hell was tryna kill me when he was teaching me to fight. Everything's just so different here..." And once again she was questioning if she had made the right choice to be here. "And now I can't get angry, just feels like I don't know who I am anymore."

"Different doesn't necessarily mean bad," Daytona said. "Or at least it doesn't have to mean bad. Sometimes different in a very good thing. That doesn't make like any less uncomfortable for you while you try to figure out how to be you in your new situation. That you just sort of have get through as best you can. And, Nexi, you're not going to be in that belt forever. We will find a way to cure you and then you can get as angry as you want to, whenever you want to, though you might want to keep in mind that there's a proper place and time for that sort of thing."

Daytona took a drink from his water bottle.

"So," he said. "If you don't mind me asking, how old were you when you met this Merrit character?"

"I know, I know, I just miss all the sneaky-sneaky shit... And I been itchin' to steal something; gotta keep the skills sharp, never know when I'll need them," Nexi grumbled, but she did manage a slight grin, until she heard Daytona's question regarding Merrit. Nexi rolled back down until her feet touched the mat and then she unbound her hands. "I dunno, maybe 12, 13?" she said, wandering back over to the weapon rack to pick up the staff to twirl again. "I kinda hate the bastard because, well, he was a tough sonofabitch and he weren't afraid to knock me around just for kicks.... But he got me away from Grek, gave me purprose; and he weren't always mean, sometimes it seamed like he actually cared about what happened to me, but now I wonder if that mighta just been the money talkin'."

"Maybe he did, maybe he didn't," Daytona. "Maybe he thought he was toughening you up. Maybe Merrit thought that was the best way to show you he cared. And maybe he was also a cruel son-of-a-bitch who liked to make himself feel powerful by knocking around a 13 year old girl. You'll probably never know for sure. I never struck my daughter in anger, as punishment, or to make myself feel powerful. The idea never entered my mind. When she was little she was my whole word. But I wasn't raising her to live the kind of life you were leading. And, well, maybe I should have, considering what I did for a living back then. She was tough, don't get me wrong, and I did teach her to fight, but I raised her to be more than me, and she was. Be that as it may, I'm glad you had someone to look after you, even if he may have been motivated by self-interest."

"'Look after me'? Yeah, sure..." Nexi scoffed and halted her twirling to look Daytona in the eyes. "I never wanted kids; don't know the first thing about kids or what I'd do with them, but I knew I'd never want to bring anyone else into the life I lived. Instead I got Aewia and she pulled me into her life, the best damned thing to ever happen to me; I like looking after her and keeping her safe, and when she's happy I'm happy, I think anyway, at the very least I ain't miserable, but it's frustrating with all the times she regresses, but maybe that's a bit what being a parent is like. But she was already strong, long before we found each other... I don't know how she does it, but she makes me feel strong in ways Merrit never could. I think I'd be completely lost without her, because as much as I look after her, she looks after me too. Just kind of terrified what'll happen to her if I lose myself to this black blood; Enalia promised me she'd take care of Aewia if anything happened to me, but how can I not still worry?" In this one small way, she understood Daytona's feelings as a parent, the love and worry he must have felt, as well as the rage and the need for vengeance when his daughter was taken from him; Nexi understood because here she was on a quest for vengeance against the monster who maimed her sister, a quest that could very well cost her own life because of this black blood which was fed by the very anger that drove her onward, and was threatening to take away her sanity.

Daytona smiled.

"Worrying is part of caring," he said. "And being cared for. People like you and me, what we do...I'm not talking about the Starfleet stuff. I'm talking about all of the black bag stuff that you and I get involved in. It doesn't give us much opportunity to trust, to care for someone, or be cared for in return. We kind of have to take it where we can get it, and, if we're lucky, something really wonderful falls in our lap...or in my case, I walked down a corridor without looking where I was going and accidentally goosed a 4 month old hologram and the result...well...it seems to be working out fine. I care for her, she cares for me, and sometimes we worry about each other. I wouldn't have it any other way. I bet you feel the same way about your relationship with your sister."

"I wish I could say the same about Cato..." Nexi said with a roll of her eyes. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I know he cares, I know he worries, but... I don't know, I-I..." Nexi sighed in frustration as she tried to find the words to express how she felt. "Sometimes I worry if he actually sees me. He- he says I don't need to hide who I am, I don't need to wear a mask, but I keep getting the sense that when he worries over me, he's not really worry about me, I think he's worrying over someone else, like maybe someone else he lost... Sometimes at night I'd see things, nightmares, maybe memories, I'm not entirely sure which, but I ain't asked him about it yet, kind of afraid to..." she confessed. "Plus, he's been away on assignment, ain't really had a chance to talk to him about it for a while."

"Emotions remind us of other times that we felt a similar emotion," Daytona said. "If that makes any sense. When I worry for Akira, for example, I remember worrying for other women I've loved. Sometimes those memories may color my feelings for her, but I do my level best to stay in the moment with her. West needs to do that for you. He needs to be there with you. He needs to see you and not a ghost from his past. So when there's an opportunity, even if you have to make the opportunity, bring this up with him. Ultimately, you won't regret it. If you can, don't wait until that 'I can't take this anymore' moment comes along. That conversation has the potential to get messy."

Nexi took a few measured breaths, almost like she was calming herself, but her belt gave no warnings that her emotions were running high, she simply needed a moment to digest his words. "Yeah, alright," she finally said with a nod. "Hey thanks for all this. I know it can't be easy taking time away from more important things, and I know I'm not be the easiest person to get along with, but I do appreciate what you're doing for me. If you ever need anything, all you gotta do is ask."

"It's no trouble at all, Nexi," Daytona said. "And I may take you up on that someday. We'll get together very soon and we can practice like we did today. However, I should probably go back to my quarters and shower. I'm supposed to meet Akira later."

"Yeah, go on, I'll be alright," Nexi said, waving him off. "I'll just be here a little longer," she continued, tapping her staff on the ground. "This helps me think, and I got a lotta things to think about."

Daytona nodded.

"I'll leave you to it, then," he said as he left the holodeck. "Until later."