Burn! BURN! BURN!!!

Posted on Mon May 28th, 2018 @ 7:40pm by Lieutenant Vaemyn

Mission: Curing the Black Blood
Location: Holodeck 2
Timeline: Current

“Now then, who would like to volunteer?”

The response to Vaemyn’s question was an unquestionably awkward silence. Around the conference room, the dozen or so blue-shirted officers glanced at each other nervously, nobody quite having the heart to be blunt with their department head. For all his cheerful gregariousness, and despite Vaemyn being a member of the same species that had waged a horrific war against the Federation, they had all grown rather fond of the violet-skinned lieutenant and his bright-eyed curiosity.

Of course, Vaemyn was no fool, and his eager smile dimmed as he looked around the room. “I don’t quite understand your reticence,” he said, plainly disappointed. “Surely this would be a welcome break from dry chemical analyses and staring at readouts of subspatial wave gradients. We do not often get the opportunity to research this, and it is critical to our mission, yes?”

More pained looks were exchanged between the scientists, before finally one of them, a Betazoid lieutenant, stepped forward reluctantly, plainly only doing so because he held the highest rank. “Vae, we know that, but it’s…well, it’s theology. It’s just so boring, and we may be polymaths, but this branch of anthropology is so dated. Scientists and theology just don’t mix well.”

At that, Vaemyn grinned. “Zim, I’m not going to start proselytising on the Founders’ divine glory. This is an academic exercise in service of our higher mission, my friends, do not forget this. Warrant Officer Nexi, Lieutenant Commander T’Pral and all the others’ lives may depend on our research. If we do not understand the psychology and motivations of the worshippers of the Danu, and the others like her, we may not be able to find a cure. An accurate prediction of responses may be critical.”

Lieutenant Zim sighed, exasperated. “Yeah, but we already have loads of papers and research on this subject. We know all of this! Why waste our time on holodeck research when we don’t need to?”

Before Vaemyn could marshal a counter-argument, a tall junior lieutenant stepped up next to Zim, placing a hand on the Betazoid’s arm. “It’s okay, sir, I can do it with Vaemyn,” she said placatingly. She flashed Zim a wide smile, her pacific African features exuding calm, although even so, there was no denying the weary acceptance there, nor the skepticism in her next words. “Besides, it might be fun…”

*************

An hour later on the holodeck, the same lieutenant, a brilliant biologist called Nadene Assin, was beaming as if her birthday had come early. She and Vaemyn stood in a vast ancient stadium, a holographic recreation of the great Coliseum in Rome. Unlike those ruins, however, this was the coliseum at its prime, the elevated stands encircling a huge central arena. The stonework seemed brand new in the bright Italian sun, presenting a perfect setting to the show on display.

Today, that show was a medieval Catholic priest and an Ancient Greek priest screaming madly at each other. The Catholic priest was red with exertion, his heavy robes clearly uncomfortable in the hot conditions, while the pagan priest was much more comfortable in his toga, an important advantage given that they’d been debating for a full ten minutes. Eight of those minutes had involved angry shouting.

Vastly amused amidst the bickering (“monotheism is stupid! You’re stupid!”), Nadene stepped closer to Vaemyn. “This isn’t really a fair test, is it?” she asked quietly. “You bumped up their fanaticism and argumentative stats to a remarkable level, sir. Doesn’t that distort the test results?”

Grinning, Vaemyn shrugged as he tapped on his PADD. “Oh, a little. We’ll focus on more moderate models of religious belief later, but right now I want a baseline.” Then, having made a decision, he stepped forward towards the arguing theologians, smiling pleasantly at them both. The priests paused their dispute, eyeing the newcomer wearily.

“Gentlemen,” Vaemyn began with a showman’s illustriousness, “I would like to explain my belief system to you both now.” (Behind him, Nadene groaned.) “I worship a group of powerful beings called the Founders. I believe them to be my gods, graceful and wise beings who have guided my people for millennia. However, they are flesh and blood, like you and I. They can and have been killed, and have no divine powers that cannot be understood through scientific study. Discuss.”

“Madness,” the Ancient Greek priest said dismissively, while simultaneously, the Catholic priest sniffed derisively in agreement. “Gobbledegook.” The two priests looked to each other in surprise, before seeming to come to a sort of strange accord.

“It is natural for the gods to manifest themselves in the earthly plane,” the pagan priest said, “but for the gods themselves to become mortal? Nonsense. Zeus was most virile and adventurous in his exploits, granting us such wonders as Heracles and Perseus, but Zeus himself was divine, not mortal.”

The Catholic priest nodded firmly in agreement. “A god cannot, by definition, be mortal. Only a fool would believe otherwise. God is abstract, beyond our understanding!”

“The gods, you mean,” the Greek priest countered with a scowl. “Don’t peddle your new age trickery here, you soft-brained oaf!”

And then they were off again, shouting at full volume. Vaemyn glanced back at Nadene, ensuring that she was recording everything, and now, neither scientist was smiling. They had just learned something important, and their scientific curiosity was alight.

“Computer, remove the characters,” Vaemyn called out, and the two priests duly vanished. Preparing his own PADD for rapid note-taking, Vaemyn paused. “Nadene, do you have some kind of advanced combat training? I am no warrior, so the perspective of a fighter for this next pat would be welcome.”

Nadene nodded vaguely. “Oh, sure. I trained in a couple of fighting styles, and I was on the Academy boxing team. Why, sir? What do you want to do next?”

Once again Vaemyn grinned, the happy expression coming easily to him. “Classicalism versus medievalism, but hardcore. Computer, give us two warrior counterparts to the earlier priests. Have both warriors be equally fanatic and passionate about their spiritual beliefs, and have both warriors believe that the other is a powerful heretic, determined to destroy the other’s religion. Insert them when ready.”

A moment later, two tall, burly soldiers appeared on the sands of the Coliseum. One was clad head to toe in bright steel armour, with even his face covered by a grill, while he bore a long sword and thick shield. The other, however…

“Is he wearing underpants!?” Nadene blurted out, giggling. True enough, the Greek soldier was very much unarmoured, wearing only thick leather underwear, a long red cloak and a slim helmet. The man’s rippling pectorals and abdomen were on full display, plainly a superb physical specimen of humanity, with his muscular legs equally bare. It was almost certainly a computer error of some sort, as Vaemyn rather doubted that such soldiers went into battle half naked, but he decided to let it slide. The subjects’ physical appearance was irrelevant to the test, after all.

Plus that Greek soldier looked sexy as hell.

And so the Greek warrior, a Spartan, aligned his spear with his shield, carefully circling the heavily protected knight, who watched and waited with equal care. Vaemyn watched, fascinated, as the Spartan used his superior mobility to dance inside the knight’s shield, dropping his spear to draw his sword and stab the steel armour ferociously. However, even as the sword penetrated the armour and drew blood, the knight bellowed and slammed his helmeted head into the Spartan’s face, following up with brutal punches that forced the Spartan back.

“Interesting how their survival instinct is overwhelming their religious fervour,” Vaemyn commented curiously. “Perhaps…computer, give each fighter a parcel with…oh…let’s see…ah yes! Give them a flamethrower in each parcel, please, with the knowledge of how such a device functions. Insert them when ready.”

When the parcels appeared, both the Spartan and the knight were startled, but they gamely opened the boxes with swipes of their swords. Upon seeing the weapons inside, both dropped their weapons and picked up the flamethrowers, aiming them at their foe.

And yet they hesitated.

“It does seem awfully unsporting, hey old chap?” the knight suggested reluctantly.

“Yes,” the Spartan replied with a much deeper and more gravelly tone, looking at the flamethrowers with disgust. “There is little honour in this method of combat.”

“Oh, but it would be jolly good if we could use these on that fellow over there, hm?” the knight said, now looking directly at Vaemyn, who began backing up slowly. “That purple skin, the odd ears, he does look ever so demonic.”

“Agreed,” the Spartan growled, and simultaneously, both warriors aimed their flamethrowers at the Vaemyn, the weapons igniting great spurts of fire at the scientist, who yelped in shock as his assistant was laughing uncontrollably to the side. Of course, the safety protocols ensured that Vaemyn was quite unharmed, although the holograms seemed to merely take that as confirmation of his supernatural powers. Instead they approached him and began to swing their swords at Vaemyn’s head and chest with murderous vigour, only for their strikes to bounce off the Vorta as if he were an invincible statue.

“OOH AH!” the Spartan cried out as his sword pinged off his ‘foe’ time again, accompanied by various battle cries from the knight (“For God! For England! Oh bloody rutting hell!”). Now distinctly perturbed, Vaemyn pushed past his two assailants in an ill temper, bending down to pick up one of the flamethrowers that they had dropped. Without hesitation, before the Spartan and knight had a chance to run, he fire the weapon at their feet, forcing both warriors to run like the wind in the opposite direction with the flames at their heels. Within seconds they were down one of the tunnels that dotted the arena wall, still sprinting as if the Devil himself was after them.

“Sir?” Nadene asked in the sudden silence afterwards, her mouth open in shock.

Examining his weapon, Vaemyn merely shrugged. “They irritated me.”