Philosophical Applications

Posted on Sat Oct 27th, 2018 @ 12:53pm by Commander Rita Paris & Lieutenant Commander Sonak

Mission: Hera v Hera
Location: USS Hera, Deck 8, Lieutenant Commander Paris' Quarters
Timeline: 2395

The day had been exceptionally long and draining in more ways than one. Trying to reach Dauntless had been frustrating. Getting eaten by a hungry transporter and temporarily converted back to living energy, during which she could still feel and perceive and was fully awake for the entire experience had not been a good time. A combat mission had been led onto the planet’s surface, wherein she had tried to find a nonviolent solution but had failed, and been forced to take lives.

Most of her wanted a hot bath, a warm bed and maybe a little therapeutic massage. But another part of her was worried over what Sonak would think. Her actions were not entirely her own, as his thoughts and hers intermingled when they touched. He would know everything she had done today, and while he eschewed violence, she had been forced to embrace it. This was uncharted territory for her, and she was uncertain how her mate would react.

When she arrived at her quarters, he was not there, which was unsurprising given his own lack of need for rest. Sitting down on the couch to wait for him, the exhausted adventurer promptly fell asleep.

Sonak came almost an hour behind her, having the duties of reporting to sickbay after the events, dictating his own mission report as the new chief science officer, then directing the science teams in their work of collecting, tagging and later analyzing all the findings related to this encounter with a cosmic entity. He also made preliminary recommendations to Security for securing the powerful alien, in the most humane yet effective way available to them on his way back to the quarters he shared with his mate.

Once he entered, he could see instantly that the waking gaze she sent his way was as full of emotional disturbance as it was with weariness. A worry that belied her satisfied and loving smile she offered to greet him. Sonak went to her, and extended his two fingers to her in the ancient ritual of his people between those bonded as they were.

"You are as safe and sound as you were successful, Rita my wife. This is most satisfactory."

Cautiously, she extended her fingers to his, then paused before contact. “I… I killed today Sonak. Not out of malice nor anger, and I took no joy nor pride in it, but… I have killed. Are you sure?”

It was an old fear that seldom arose within her, yet here it was- the fear that her humanity might damage him somehow. But this time it was a stain on her soul, that of murder in wartime. They had both killed- neither was an innocent, and both had faced life and death on multiple occasions. But in this case she herself was conflicted, thus she approached the telepathic Vulcan cautiously lest her own choices adversely affect him.

Sonak had no emotion whatsoever; but he could feel hers through their bond. And because he was such a blank slate, he could all the more see the reflection of her soul upon his. He gently took her to a seat and looked her in the eyes.

"When vulcans of antiquity adopted the teachings of Surak, they were faced with the hostility, the violence and the anger that was still prevalent among them, those who did not follow the wise one and his path of pure logic.Their vow to wage peace was confronted by those who would wage war and destroy them without a second thought, regardless of their good intentions. When they asked Surak what to do, he told them a tale."

Making sure he had her attention, he told it to her in turn.

"Once there was a lyre player, so talented even the most savage of beasts would stop in it's tracks and listen to him in total rapture. one day that all the animals of the desert encircled him in complete awe of his heavenly music, an old mangy selhat came. The selhat looked at all the animals there with puzzlement, then at the lyre player. With one stroke, the selhat killed the musician and ate him."

He could see now how her emotions shifted towards what he was saying. And thus he concluded.

"As the selhat went on it's way, all the other animals behind him cried in horror and shouted in anger at him; :what have you done? Such beautiful music, how could you do such an awful thing?"

He looked straight into her eyes.

"The old selhat continued on it's way, not heeding any of it, not even turning its head once to look back at them. The old selhat was deaf."

He paused as the light grew in her eyes. And he voiced what she was realizing.

"In this life, there are unfortunately a few deaf selhats; this is no excuse to let yourself be eaten."

The smile that dawned across her face came despite itself- she did not want to smile so broadly, but the story, the simple truth of the philosophy and the wonder that was her spouse in being wise enough to tell her such a thing in such a moment buoyed her spirits so that her self-doubt and self-recriminations and fear washed away. She still felt guilt, but that was because taking lives was regretful, but she wouldn't be tortured by it now.

Sensing her thoughts, he nodded to her.

"In a crisis, each of us can only face it according to one's gifts."

"Every time. You just somehow always know precisely what to say to frame the situation and bring me to a logical conclusion. My master of philosophy," Rita curled up on her side on the couch and rested her head in his lap, relaxed and comfortable. For the 3,497th time she marveled at how she had managed to find the perfect man, who would remind her that by definition, he was not a man.

He raised an eyebrow.

"This is only logical. After six decades of kolinahr discipline and Starfleet experience, I ought to have learned a thing or two."

That joke brought a smile to her face- while it was assumed by most that he was humorless, it simply wasn't so. After all, a part of her lived within him, and sometimes manifested itself as dry humor and familiar colloquialisms. There was perhaps half a moment of silence before she spoke again, her voice quiet and unsteady. "It was scary, Sonak. Minotaurs and harpies and sword-wielding amazons and half of them immune to phaser fire. It escalated quickly. The sensor suite in the HUD is really so handy, I realized pretty quickly. I got hauled into the sky by a harpy and I thought I was going to fall to my death and get Doc and Malana killed too. I wished you were there, but... I was kind of glad that you weren't."

He nodded.

"I would have been a distraction. I would have impeded your responses. In this instance, it was a wise decision to place us in separate teams. It maximized our effectiveness for the sake of the entire operation... as facts have now demonstrated."

"I saw the spaceport sabotage mission went off flawlessly and bloodlessly, congratulations." Rita stroked his knee as she spoke, just enjoying contact with him and relaxing.

He frowned and almost sighed.

"Even destruction of mere material is regrettable. When we use violence, it means we have failed to resolve things properly; just like when you erase and restart a report you find yourself unable to write correctly. Yes, destruction and creation are two defining parts of our reality, from the birth and death of stars that spread the constituting elements of planets and life to the birth and death of life itself to renew and improve it. But we, as sentient beings, should be able to master it and even transcend it, not just follow or submit to it."

He made a simulacrum of an old phaser II with his hand.

"Take for example those opponents immune to phaser fire. They might be... but not the ground. At setting 12, you could melt the stone at their feet and it would collapse under their weight and resolidify before they could extricate themselves from it. Thus they would be unharmed but trapped and rendered harmless."

After imitating a sustained shot in a line at her feet, he did the same over her head.

"At setting 15, you could quickly make the ceiling fall to block their advance, force fliers to rereat, dig a ditch to impede and sprawl chargers and open an avenue for your retreat. Even at a mere level 4, you can ignite flammable material to create a wall of fire and smoke to distract from and cover your flanking maneuvers."

He locked eyes with her, noting the expression of distress she wore and feeling the simmering guilt and self-recrimination his words had brought about in her. She hadn’t thought of any of those options in the heat of battle, and while his specific examples might or might not have worked, they did serve to illustrate to her that she had not applied herself as creatively as she could have in the moment.

"I am not criticizing your actions or that of anyone else. My point is; when you think to end conflict with as minimal harm as possible rather than just fight to win, you work your mind to find ways to do better. We all did well today; but we must keep thinking that we can always do better... especially when lives are at stake."

His face remained as impassive as a jade mask. Yet it was to her as if he was smiling.

"At the very least, it is good exercise for the mind."

Laying her head back in Sonak’s lap, Rita’s thoughts turned inward, reviewing her actions throughout the day and second-guessing how she might have been more creative in her solutions, how she might have saved lives she had taken through her actions today. Melancholia and sadness accompanied those thoughts, as she saw opportunities she had passed by to resolve situations without resorting to murder. Having it pointed out to her that she could have avoided much of what she had been through today brought her to tears, as guilt and recrimination took over.

The Vulcan again sensed the surge of emotions and, most of all, familiar with those of Rita. Maneuvering her, he forced her to again look into his eyes.

"I understand why you feel like this. You are human; humans have yet to fully understand their nature and embrace their better calling, the promise of what they are and will be. And as a human, you are a prime example of that promise. This feeling you have demonstrated."

His gaze then wandered inward.

"For us, Vulcans, who have been in the past violent and savage beyond even human or Klingon standards, the path has been to abandon emotion and embrace logic. You humans will have to find your own path; and if I look at you, it promises to even be a much better one. Take this feeling and consider not how better you might have been, but how better you will be, because of what happened... and how it happened. Learning is growing... and growing is sometimes painful. That makes it all the more worthwhile... and you all the more worthy."

“That… really doesn’t make me feel any better. Telling me sometimes violence is unavoidable is undercut by you explaining ways I could have avoided having to use deadly force. Telling me I will be better in the future just makes me feel worse about what I did today.” Tears flowed freely as Rita wound herself up over the events of the day. “I tried so hard to not use violence to solve the problem, but I was just hedged in at every turn, and there wasn’t… I couldn’t see any way out. I didn’t want to, I pooled opinions and racked my brain and yet somehow it was all for nothing. Yet you and Thex and Yeager covered a spaceport gearing up for an invasion and destroyed their entire fleet, somehow never firing a shot.”

Sonak raised an eyebrow.

"Random fluctuations in probabilities acted in our favor. These can not be calculated, nor even expected... even if they can never be ignored. It could have gone many other ways."

"I feel like a failure. They made me into a soldier, and I did my duty. Yet you didn't have to compromise one bit." Rita sniffled as she dug out more of the emotions she'd been holding back all day, from the terror of her latest transporter accident to the fear that sharing this with Sonak would disappoint him. Emotionally she was raw and spent and had only hoped for reassurance, but as she unpacked it now she felt even worse.

Sonak this time looked at her sternly.

"You did your duty and led a successful mission in perfect accordance to the orders you were given; a mission that was believed to be suicidal, with low probability of success and almost no probability of leaving no casualty. But that is what you did. Yet you feel like a failure. In the eyes of whom? The captain? I am not aware that she put a reprimand on your record; quite the contrary, a commendation is certainly coming. Mine? You have exceeded any standard in efficiency and courage, in leadership and resolve. You had nothing to compromise and did not either. Yours? Did you not do your best... and succeed? Who could ask anything more of you or of anyone?"

He made a pause.

"If I were human, I would be quite proud of you."

Lying there staring up at him, she took the time to process all that Sonak had said, and the answer slowly dawned on the errant executive. As the realization washed over her face, Rita stared at the overhead. "Pride. it's my damned pride."

Sitting up, Rita grunted from the bruises and sore muscles that were still a part of her despite her trip to sickbay. She'd fallen asleep for an hour, long enough for her to stiffen up. But she did not let that stop her from making her point.

"When I got here, Starfleet had gone so dark. The uniforms, the ships, the colors... Thex said it was the Borg that really kicked it off, and that's when Starfleet became less exploratory and more military. The uniforms... I couldn't do it. Because if I put on one of those dark uniforms, I became a dark Starfleet too. I bought into this dark future of theirs. And I was determined to be better than that. To show the future how we used to do it on chutzpah and spunk in a minidress." The ancient astronaut paused to shake her head. "I don't think it would have gotten the job done. Not today."

"I had to do it their way. I had to go be a soldier in armor with a very spectacularly deadly weapon in my hand, and it was still close." Rita turned those big blue eyes on Sonak, reaching up to caress his cheek with a smile laden with regret. "I was wrong. I'm not showing them our old ways of doing things and proving our approach was better. I'm just learning that I have to do it their way, because that's the galaxy we live in now."

"Sometimes, it is necessary to experience the darkness to better see the light, " Sonak mused aloud." If you recall, we were sent out to make war, destroy and kill out of fear; yet, you managed to lead us to victory while sparing the life of this enemy that so frightened them. I think you did indeed show them all that there is, if not a better way, at least another way than the path of fear and aggression."

"Hey, that's right..." Realization slowly dawned on the conflicted chrononaut. "This was an assassination mission, and I managed to capture her and not kill her. I did kill people today, but only those that refused reason. I spared all I could, and I managed to bring Hera in alive. So I wasn't completely successful, but I did succeed in resetting the mission parameters to as non-lethal as possible. And I showed mercy in a war zone... that has to count for something, right?"

"Indeed.That, most of all, is what makes the Federation a worthy ideal to strive for."

As she so often did, Rita sought reassurance from the calmly logical man in her life, because she knew he always spoke the truth, and had wisdom far beyond her own. Along with the patience of a saint, for which she was eternally grateful. Some would see it as seeking reassurance from a man; she saw it as seeking wisdom to frame and understand her experiences. After all, he'd lived twice her lifetime already, and had trained physically, mentally and emotionally more than most men would ever consider to become who he was today. Sonak was, not unlike his mate, unique in the universe. For this and many other reasons, she treasured him, his perspectives and his opinions more than anyone in any universe.

And I you.

Touching as they were, he had caught her feelings and thought as easily as once he could have done at a distance. And if he could not share her emotional feelings, he could certainly appreciate them and share what they meant.

Do what you can with what you have where you are. Be a bringer of light into the lives of those you encounter. See further, for you stand upon the shoulders of giants. Save all you can. I can still live by the old Starfleet code, I just have to adapt it to situations, because practicality will sometimes hold sway. Life is a series of adaptations. Rita rolled over onto her side, her head still in Sonak's lap and her half-open eye still upon him. Knowing she wanted him to run his fingers through her hair, he obliged her, and she sighed contentedly.

Words of wisdom. You should listen to yourself and heed them, he agreed.

You put me back together every time. After the mission I'm always full of doubts and recriminations and emotional baggage. Then you put it into perspective, and help me understand it and my own mind, and then I'm okay again. I'll forever be grateful that you found me, because I missed this. I don't know if I could keep it together without you, y'know?

Of course you could. I just make it easier. Just as you make it much easier for me to understand and compose my responses in conversation with all these emotional beings with whom we work. This is but a part of what gives such value to our bond.

As he spoke in her mind, her grip on consciousness was slipping. The harrowed human adventurer was still forming thoughts, but wouldn't be for long at this rate.

His hands moved delicately along the side of her head, and he matched her brain frequency to his before lowering their intensity. Sharing his meditative state with her, because of her emotional and physical exhaustion, she gently drifted off to sleep. His own thoughts became like the reflection of the stars in a still pond.

I offer the peace of my soul. You offer the dreams of your heart. We are... Thy'la.

 

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