From Another's Eyes

Posted on Tue Jan 8th, 2019 @ 11:29am by Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Commander Rita Paris & Lieutenant Commander Sonak

Mission: Section 31-B
Location: USS Hera, Deck 8, Lieutenant Junior Grade Dox's quarters
Timeline: 2396

The message was sent, and seconds later the door chime sounded as Sonak took the cue to arrive. Greeting him at the door, her heart still leapt at the sight of him, as Rita Paris ushered him inside. "Welcome to Casa Dox. Our hostess is taking an ordered long hot shower, and will be expecting me to be gone and you to here in my stead to listen, counsel, answer questions and be your usual brilliant self."

The smile that spread across the face of the human bride of the kolinahr was one of joy as they were behind closed doors, and she had allotted a few minutes to themselves. Stepping into his personal space, draping her arms over his shoulders, the bright blue eyes of the out of time officer sought the steel-grey gaze of the extradimensional explorer whose love for her had driven him across space and time to find her. The earth woman's attention flickered between his eyes, the delight of being in his presence and in his arms making her heart swell.

Good morning, t'hy'la, she thought, knowing she could communicate far more through their bond than she could every express in words, yet often framing it that way as a means to organize her own thoughts sufficiently so it was more than just an outpouring of her affection and devotion to him. Instead it was a concept, which she had learned from him long ago made their communication easier for her to accomplish, and now she applied without a thought given as to how.

T'hy'la; apart and never parted; not touching and touched. I hope you are well his thoughts conveyed to her mind.

He might have no emotion whatsoever, yet his link to her was from his soul itself, beyond the mere feeling of desire and even the very sentiment of love. The bond between the star-crossed lovers was beyond explanation. It was. Now and forever. And that too he sent her through their bonding link as much as through their impromptu mind meld.

Touching her forehead to his, they stood silently in one another's arms for a moment. She channeled the events of the evening through the filter of his perception, and expressed her thoughts and feelings on the subject. Which in turn enabled her to process her own feelings, and feel the benefits of a moment of meditation with him. It would not empower her as it would him, but still it would help her through her day, and send her off centered and well-prepared to face the day.

His sharp hearing heard the water shut off, and they knew it was time. Pulling back slightly, she then hugged him tightly, pressing her soft cheek against his own clean-shaven one. Then she stepped back, separating from the intimacy of their moment together through the bond they shared.

"Duty calls, my love," she offered with a smile as she headed for the door, waggling her fingers cheerfully before blowing him a kiss.

Stepping out of the shower in the bathroom, Melanie Dox heard the exterior door to her quarters, letting her know that Lieutenant Sonak was there. Grabbing a towel to dry off, she felt herself get a little nervous again. As she said to Rita, she trusted her Vulcan husband, but she was still anxious over what he might say.

As she was off duty, she didn't want to overdo it and put in a uniform, but she still wanted to be presentable and put together. She quickly got dressed in a casual black blouse and pants, pulled her shoes on and took a deep breath before stepping out of the small bedroom into the main quarters.

Looking up at the stoic Vulcan science officer, Melanie held back an awkward smile. "Uh... Good morning, Lieutenant Sonak."

"Good morning Lieutenant Dox. I have been made aware that you might require some help from me. I shall of course do so to the limit of my capabilities, once you explain to me the nature of your need."

Stepping over to the small couch, Melanie sat down not quite knowing what to say. "I don't know how much you know about what I talked to Commander Paris, but my recent encounter with the creature, Anansi, had revealed memories that I since learned I had repressed at a young age."

"I've since learned that when I was five, I was surgically altered. Genetically manipulated to look... Like this. More human. My father had serious issues with my being part Romulan and I guess... now I don't quite know how to move forward with knowing what was done to me and what that means about who and what I am, now."

Sonak thought for a moment before replying.

"You are a child of two worlds. It is notoriously difficult for persons such as yourself to reconcile a dual nature, even for Vulcans; all the moreso if family or society does not provide acceptance, or even mere support. Carrying the blood of a current enemy makes life harder even in the best of circumstances."

Obviously seriously pondering the problem, Sonak paused a moment before continuing.

"That being said, it is an undeniable fact that refusing to embrace oneself fully is the greatest obstacle to self fulfillment and happiness. Thus, the first question is logically to you; have you decided to recognize for yourself, and accept who you are? All that you are?"

Sitting quietly for a moment, Melanie thought hard on the question and wanted to answer it as truthfully as she could. "I'm still trying to figure out what all that is, really. It's... extremely difficult knowing that I actively blocked out parts of my own childhood. Even my own name."

Pausing for a moment to collect herself and not allow her emotions to overwhelm her as they did the night before was a major effort. But Dox pushed forward. "I want to find out who I really am with all these parts put back together, if that makes sense. The good and the bad. I don't feel like I can be... me... whoever that is... If I don't accept it all."

The Vulcan thought some more before speaking.

"Reasserting your true physiology and appearance should be a an easy first step to restore you to your true self. I would assume you have already discussed this possibility with sickbay. From there, it would become easier for your mind to fully accept naturally that truth which your spirit seeks. Given enough time and with patience, and support from those who care for your well being, your harmony should be achieved; this time based on your true, fully assumed self."

"I've had additional exams from Doctor Dael. They found that other than the surgical alterations, the doctor's that messed me up also did some kind of genetic alteration to my DNA. Something to try and force my father's genes dominance artificially, Asa thinks. It's not something that ever came up on tests that weren't looking for it, but they ran a ton of tests and are still running more before they feel comfortable doing anything." Melanie rubbed an ear nervously. The idea of trying to restore what would have been her appearance had definitely been weighing on her.

"The doctor wants to start me on gene therapy as soon as they get all their data back. They think that they can undo that damage, at least." Dox looked up at Sonak, embarrassed by her feelings. "I just don't know if I'm prepared for... Changing what I've seen in the mirror for most of my life."

But she was beating around the bush of what was really worrying her, which Dox knew was pointless and counterproductive. She sighed, then spoke.

"Growing up, my mother raised me Romulan. I spoke Rihan till I was sixteen almost exclusively. I was raised to be proud of who... and what I was. At least as much as I could with what I was allowing myself to remember." Melanie hung her head and sighed.

"I didn't learn to be ashamed of being what I was until they sent me to Earth to live with my father's parents." She flumped back slightly, rolling her eyes at herself. "I know it's stupid... but I think a part of me is scared I'll lose what I've found here. In my head, I know it doesn't make sense... but you can only be told you're trash for being Romulan so long before you believe it, I guess."

Sonak nodded.

"I will not pretend that I can understand the emotional implication of your situation. Even less than other Vulcans am I able, since I do not merely control my emotions; I have none. However, I am bonded with a Human female; through that bond I have gained a practical knowledge of what emotions are, and how they relate to thought and self. Thus, I know at least on an intellectual level how you must feel."

Uncharacteristically, he then seemed to hesitate a moment, but then nodded to himself before resuming.

"I once had the opportunity to mind meld with the katra of the late ambassador Spock. He too, like you, was half-human, half Vulcanoid, and had managed over his long life to achieve balance of his dual nature. Through that meld, I gained an awareness of his thoughts, his... feelings... of his life."

He looked at her with his steely grey eyes.

"I can offer you what he shared with me."

Listening to Sonak's words, Melanie was taken somewhat aback. It was the reunification movement of the legendary Vulcan, Spock, that had been a driving passion in much of her mother's life. "I would... Appreciate that very much hearing that." The nervous young woman replied.

"I can offer you more than a report," the Vulcan answered with his grey eyes still locked into hers. "If you so wish, I can mind meld with you and give you his very thoughts. What he experienced as a dual being and what he achieved in harmony, I can make your own."

He paused to let that sink in. Then he added:

"However, you should be aware that a mind meld is no mere telepathic transmission. It is a complete fusion of the minds. I would also share with you all my thoughts; and you will share all of yours with me."

Without consciously thinking about it, Dox's body went stiff and a brief moment of panic flared up in the young part-Romulan. Instantly, she was embarrassed by her reaction. She had told Rita Paris the trust she had for her extended to Sonak, but the truth of that statement she had believed so firmly not so long before was now being challenged.

Taking a deep breath, Melanie summoned all of her strength, which felt insignificant at the moment and responded. "I... I'm scared. I shouldn't be, but I am." Then her mind slipped back to the attack she had experienced which had set all of this in motion.

Closing her eyes she could see the black, shining eyes. She could hear his voice clicking in the back of her brain. A chill went down her spine and her hair stood on end.

"Anansi... he... he invaded my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I... I couldn't keep him out." She was now feeling on the verge of panic as she spoke, desperate to maintain her composure. "He... He..."

Then, Melanie thought of Rita the night before holding her in her arms so tightly she felt like nothing could touch her. She thought of Asa Dael squeezing her hand and staying by her bedside as she recovered. She thought of having pizza with Thex to take her mind off of it all. And she thought of Sonak, standing before her now. Offering to open up the totality of his own mind, his very being, to a woman who he barely knew... just to help.

Pulling back a welling up of tears she felt threatening to overwhelm her, Dox replied again. "He's not you. And I won't... I won't allow myself to let him to make me scared anymore." She stood up in front of the far taller Vulcan and took a breath.

Sonak nodded to her.

"Your courage humbles me. If at any moment you feel uncomfortable, you will be able to break the meld yourself. Only the tips of my fingers will be touching you. A mere jerk of your head will end contact. You will be in control of your own body and of the entire process, as much as I."

With one hand, he invited her to sit in front of him.

Taking the seat, Melanie felt as far away from courageous as was mortally possible as she steeled herself, putting her hands on her knees and closing her eyes.

Sitting in front of her, Sonak rubbed his hands together very slowly as he seemed to study her head as if looking for the best places to place his fingertips. His hands spread like the petals of an opening flower, and just as delicately touched her temples.

"My mind to your mind... Your thoughts to my thoughts..."

Sonak usually eschewed the basic ritual phrasing, as he was experienced and skilled enough to establish instant contact with the merest touch. But he knew the soothing effect of his soft, deep calm voice would help the half-Romulan woman relax. She was both Human and Rihansuu; two highly emotional races, but both with the firm potential for rationality. That was the anchor he sought to give her within the tumultuous sea storm of her feelings; his own emotionless mind, acting as a lighthouse, a beacon for her.

Once their personas fused, he opened her to what he had gained from his meld with Spock's katra; the soul of another half-human vulcanoid who had achieved full serenity of his dual nature when touched, after a lifetime of interaction with remarkable human beings, by another uber-being; V'Ger, the cosmic-sized sentient living machine that had accumulated the entire knowledge of the universe.

Of course the brief glimpse of universal knowledge Spock had experienced had been far too much for a mere organic mind; he had almost fallen into a coma from it. But it had brought him even beyond kolinahr and back to his very human nature. Feeling had become thought, thought had become feeling; reason had understood emotion, emotion had inspired reason. His being was not of a dual nature; he had been whole, an entity born of two worlds but a fusion of them, complete, unique, precious, and valuable.

Out of the meld, the echo of a memory of the legendary Vulcan came to them both; the voice of a human male, gruff and with some distinctive Terran southern accent, as heard from the ears of another Terran, the closest of friends, collected once through another mind meld. And the voice said:

In this galaxy, there is a mathematical probability or three million earth-type planets. And in this universe, three million, million galaxies like this one. And in all this... perhaps more... only one of each of us.

Within this moment, Melanie felt the maelstrom of anger and fear and depression settle in her mind. She felt a wave of calm. She was aware of the sea of conflicting emotions that swirled ever present within her and could feel them all wanting to tear her down, but she was anchored by Sonak's logic. Filtered through her own emotions, it became a wave of serenity.

She saw in her minds eye her own face, restored to what it would have been. She saw her mother crying over her as a young girl. Looking down, she saw Rita Paris smiling up at her.

The voices that would have tried to tell her that the words and thoughts coming from her mind meld we're lies were quickly silenced. The fear that she was useless, meaningless and less than either Romulan or human fell quiet.

Through this clarity came focus. She could see herself not through the eyes of her own self loathing, but as she truly was. Both Romulan and Human. Melanie Dox and Mnhei'sahe. Neither separate beings but one woman.

No longer did she see her future as a series of painful choices; but instead as a single and unwavering path forward, built upon all that she was. She saw herself complete.

Sonak did not end the meld immediately. He took a good minute of concentration before finally removing his fingers from the side of her face.

"I have left you with mental shields from my own mind to protect your psyche from further intrusions. Being yourself part Vulcanoid, your mind is naturally built to posses those. It only needs the proper guidance, just as it had been for the Vulcans of antiquity, our common ancestors. Later, if you wish, I can teach you mental exercises that could help you strengthen them even further."

Removed from the mind meld, Melanie began to feel her own emotions return to her. But they weren't a flood she felt she couldn't control in the moment. Enough of Sonak's mental discipline still remained within to buffer them, allowing her own mind to process what it had taken in more gradually.

Nevertheless, the young officer was taken aback by the event, and sat quietly for a moment, processing both Sonak's words and his thoughts.

"Thank you, Sonak. For everything. And yes, I would very much like to learn whatever you could teach me in that regard." Thanks to being of one mind for a time, Melanie hadn't needed to express in words her desperate desire for help strengthening her own mental defenses against future attacks. Sonak clearly sensed the need and responded, for which Melanie was grateful.

He just nodded once.

"I come to serve."

Her words were unusually calm and we'll chosen for her, a lingering effect of the mind meld she knew would fade shortly. But in the moment Melanie continued to enjoy the sense of clarity.

"And thank you... for letting me see myself through your eyes." She said somewhat flatly, her usually turbulent emotions still returning calmly to balance. "It was... beautiful in your mind. Absolutely beautiful."

Sonak's usually imperturbable face had at this moment the merest shadow of a smile; a fleeting but lingering effect of her own soul onto his, something no one but his wife had ever seen.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you saw was your own inner sight, one which always sees things clearly, most of all about oneself. You just have to be aware of it... and acknowledge it. No one can determine your worth... save you."

Emotions began to normalize in the young pilot and a tear fell from her eye, but it was one of joy and clarity. "I... I'm glad for you to be have able to see that from mine."

"Would that everyone could join minds as we did, this universe would be much less... chaotic," he simply commented. "But at least we can start by resolving the chaos within ourselves. If you so wish, I can take a few minutes to show you the basis of Vulcan meditation. It could prove a useful tool for you, to lead your journey back to yourself."

Smiling warmly and enjoying the feeling of calm over her that felt like might never happen again, Melanie nodded as she replied. "I would very much appreciate that, yes."

Again, the Vulcan's hand invited her to sit, this time on the floor. he went to the replicator and ordered it to produce a small brazier which he ignited before placing it in front of her.

Sitting, cross legged on the floor, Melanie felt a little of her more customary anxiety in her belly. She had seen Vulcan meditations before growing up but had never participated and was slightly nervous- but this time, with a flavor of anticipation, rather than trepidation.

Moving past her initial feelings, she shifted her focus up towards Sonak, listening intently to him.

"The flame's light will help you focus your thoughts and with them the heat will channel your emotions. Just breathe slowly in and out from nose to mouth. like your eyes blinking, do not resist nor linger on any thought coming to your mind or any feeling coming to you. Let it all come and go, like each flicker of the flame. You are like the flame. You breathe like the flame. You move like the flame. You are heat and light and movement, just like the flame. Let yourself be the flame. Let the flame be yourself."

Letting her eyes drift to the flame, Melanie began to breathe as instructed and listened.

His calm, soft, deep voice was modulated to help her recall what their mind meld had briefly brought to her and use it.

Feeling the warmth of the candle and the steady vibration of Sonak's voice, Melanie felt herself almost drift out of herself as she breathed. She felt a flavor of the serenity she felt when she was one with Sonak's mind and it was a welcome feeling indeed. But focusing on his words, she allowed the thought to drift away and kept breathing with the undulations of the flame.

As he had expected, the echo of their mind meld had assisted her Vulcanoid physiology adopt quite naturally the proper state to free her mind, and achieve the meditative state. He now knew that she would be able to do so by herself, and benefit from the mental exercise as much as any Vulcan would.

For now he remained silent, waiting for her to complete her meditation.

For Melanie Dox, time seemed slow down as her sense of visual perception seemed to filter out everything except the small, pulsing flame. In her moment, she heard her own breath and her own heart beating. She felt perfectly still and closed off from anything in the universe outside of her focus.

In the silence, she heard a distant voice that at first, she didn't recognize. Then she heard it again, clearer now. It was her mother's voice whispering softly, "Mnhei'sahe."

It was a gentle sound that felt warm to her as she felt herself returning to her quarters. Slowly, she opened her eyes.

Sonak was looking at her.

"Your Rihannsu heritage is making you naturally proficient; and your Human heritage makes you appropriately driven. Well done. From now on, you should be able to guide yourself on your own path."

Taking a moment to collect herself and readjust, Melanie let out a long breath. There was a wide smile on her face as a tear rolled down her cheek. In that moment, at least, she no longer felt embarrassed by her feelings, as they were simply another part of the entirely that was her, and she simply allowed herself the moment.

"I don't have the words to properly express my gratitude. Really, to you, Asa or Commander Paris. But you know that well enough having been in here." She tapped the side of her head lightly.

"But it is... very good to know that while I'm here, I never have to walk that path alone."

"Gratitude is unnecessary; we are all here for one another. That is what this crew, Starfleet, The Federation, are all about. Indeed, that is where life finds it's true meaning and purpose.You are now finding your meaning and your purpose. We shall all do this together."

"Or as she who is my wife would say; that's what are friends for."