Previous Next

Rage and Regret

Posted on Sun Jan 20th, 2019 @ 1:56pm by Lieutenant Commander Mnhei'sahe Dox & Lieutenant Asa Dael

Mission: Section 31-B
Location: Deck 8, Crew Quarters
Timeline: 2396

Reynolds. Smith. Johnson.

The names rattled through the mind of Lieutenant Mnhei'sahe Dox as she stood in her quarters in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sweat street down the face of the part-Romulan pilot as she attacked the practice dummy in the corner of her quarters with increasing intensity.

Overhead, an extremely loud selection of Klingon Blood Metal music drown out her grunts as she continued to punch the dummy. The music and her assualt were completely silent beyond the walls of her room thanks to a sound dampening field in place so she could exercise without disturbing her fellow senior officers. But today wasn't about exercising.

She spoke the names out loud this time. “Reynolds, Smith, Johnson!” With each name, she punched harder as her bruised knocked flushed green.

They were the names of three of the six security officers killed in action during the HERA's mission on an abandoned Section 31 research asteroid. Killed on the first away team that the young woman had ever been assigned to.

”Reynolds! Smith! Johnson!” Dox yelled again as she brought her knee up hard into what would be the liver of a human opponent over and over, grabbing the practice dummy by the head and neck to pull the figure into her attack.

They were tasked with descending into the bowls of the station to set it's reactor to explode and had to fight their way through a host of monstrosities. But with each new wave, it had become increasingly clear to Dox that the Security Officer in charge, Lieutenant Alex Sexton, had not prepared them for what they were facing. They didn't seem to know how to use the MACO EVA armor they were all wearing, and Reynolds and Smith seemed to be cracking under the pressure. And Sexton actively ignored her suggestions.

’Suggestions that should have been orders’, Dox though to herself as she began burrying her elbow into the neck of the dummy, yelling. Commander Paris had ordered her with Sexton on the mission, but while they were both Lieutenants, as a Senior Bridge Officer, Dox had the authority to take control of the mission if she deemed it necessary. But with each warning sign, she told herself that they must know what they were doing. That she was just a pilot and couldn't exert authority over them in a combat situation.

But now, because of her inaction, they were dead. Killed in action. Killed protecting her. Killed because she should have gotten them out of there or done something when Dox realized that they were breaking under the pressure of the mission. Killed because she didn't relieve Sexton of Command when she could have.

Green blood smeared across the face of Dox’s practice dummy as she began screaming. With each impact, her already strained knuckles had split open.

”REYNOLDS!! SMITH!! JOHNSON!!!

In a rage, with tears streaming down her face she tucked into the dummy and shoved it hard against the wall in the corner of the room. The impact knocked Dox from her feet as she stumbled her full 260 plus pounds against the wall as she slid to the ground, crying.

In the quarters on the other side of the wall Lieutenant JG Asa Dael was fresh from the shower, wearing knee length black pajama palazzo shorts and a soft gray tank top they were about to begin evening stretches when a crash came from Mnhei'sahe's quarters.

The doctor rushed next door and used an emergency medical access code to gain entry, deciding to risk their friends anger rather than wait for permission to enter. Seeing the blood streaked figure on the ground, Asa ran over to help Dox up as her emergency entrance automatically turned the loud music off.

"Mnhei'sahe! Are you ok? What the hell happened? " they asked. Then before receiving an answer, they called to Sick Bay to have a medical tricorder and tissue knitter beamed directky to their location, but advised no additional assistance was required.

Frowning, Asa finished scanning and asked, "OK, yeah. Can you tell me how you have seven lacerations, six cracked bones in your hands, and a punching dummy that fought back so hard he fell over? Whats up?"

Curled up against the wall, Dox tried to stop herself from crying and wipe the tears from her eyes but only succeeded in smearing her green blood across her face. Trying to catch her breath, she looked up at Asa struggling to find the words but failing. "I'm... I'm sorry, Asa. I'm sorry. It's... It was my fault. I could have... I should have..."

"Right then," was all Asa said at first. Swiftly the doctor strode over to the replicator and procures a glass of water, a box of facial tissues, and a warm, damp cloth. On the way back over to Mnhei'sahe, Asa grabbed two cushions off the sofa and threw them on the ground near the fallen dummy.

They knelt down and gently washed the blood and snot from thejr friends face. Then as they gently pulled Mnhei'sahe's red hair back to the dimension it belonged in ( opposed to the seven it appezred to be occupying), Asa broke the silence by gently saying, "I have no clue what you think you have done, or shoukd have done. As far as I am concerned, the only thing you should have done and didnt...is call me before you got so lost in here you injured yourself. Now, lets have some water, ok?"

To suit their words, Asa leaned back to sit on one sofa cushion, took a sip of water, and leaned to manuever Mnhei'sahe to sit on the other cushion and drink.

Following Asa's lead, Dox slid over to the cushion and took a drink. For a good thirty seconds, she sat there looking at the water in her hands and then at her split and bleeding hands themselves. "It was my fault, Asa. I... I saw what was happening. I saw that they were loosing it down there. I saw that... I saw that Sexton wasn't doing anything about it..."

Sniffing sharply, Dox took a deep breath. "The security officers. Reynolds, Smith and Johnson. I knew something was wrong. They were cracking up and Sexton just ignored it. I'm... I'm supposed to be a damn bridge officer. I... I could have said something. Pulled rank. I could have DONE something."

Slumping back, Dox thunked her head against the back wall and shut her eyes for a moment. "Now they're dead... Because I didn't do something when I knew I should have."

On the next attempted thunk of her head on the wall. Mnhei'sahe found her movement intercepted by Asa's hand redirecting Mnhei'sahe's head into Asa's lap.

"Shhh, hush now," they cooed, "It was no such thing. You did the best you could with the information you had available at the time. They were the trained security offjcers. You had no way to predict Sexton would go rogue. No one did, or he wouldnt have been there."

For a few moments Asa let the silence lay, stroking Mnhei'sahe's back and hair through a few silent sobs. When they spoke it was in a soft voice, trembling with unshed tears.

"I have never been as scared as i was in there, Mnhei'sahe. Not for myself, but for you. I had Rita, and I knew she would get us home, or die trying. Plus i had Ila, who could outsmart fate itself. But you....well, I didnt really know Sexton. But i have treated enough security officers to know how close they cut it....and I....I didnt want my sweet, kind, compassionate friend to have to see all that. My friend who blames herself when the universe is unkind, even though the universe is a trillion different random and chaotic forces and she is but one person. My friend who hurts so deeply for others it harms her. My friend Mnhei'sahe. I was so scared that what happened on that base would mean that even if her body came back, her soul would be harmed."

A shudder ran down the doctors spine, and they drew the tissue and bone knitters and ran them over Mnhei'sahe's knuckles, pausing to softly kiss each hand when done in the same way a mother would a child. Their tears flowed freely and unashamedly as they concluded.

"But you know what? I refuse to accept losing you, or letting you get lost in grief and self recrimination. I....I love you, silly. You are a dear friend and i love you. I....I think we can help heal each other...if you will let me."

"I'm... I'm sorry, Asa." Dox stretched her hand out, which was still stiff and sore but better. "I can't stop thinking about them. About what Sexton did. About what I didn't do."

Taking a sip of her water, Dox hung her head in shame. "I don't know what to do."

Asa nodded in understanding, took an unsteady breath, and let a few tears fall.

"I know. Its...its never easy to accept that sometimes horrible things happen and you can't control it. That other peoples actions can take away anothers life. That sometimes our best isn't good enough. But Mnhei'sahe....those men were not trained by you. They were not led by you. From what i have seen they would not have really listened to any order you gave. Sexton was running a cowboy operation, and what happened was a direct result of his desire to use tactics from 500 years ago. As to what to do? Maybe a visit with Doctor Dael. I know they are going to be studying survivors guilt treatments and want to belp. As for right now...let yourself be sad. Dont squash it, that just causes more problems."

They brushed away some errant hajrs from Mnhei'sahe's face and hugged her without letting go as they said, "And dont do it alone ok? We can hurt together....its better than hurting alone."

The doctor was crying freely now, anger at the loss of life being subsumed by grief for those lives. They rested their head on Mnhei'sahe's shoulder, leaving the two facing each other in a puddle of entwined grief on the floor.

 

Previous Next

labels_subscribe