Cyrano de Bringloidi

Posted on Thu Aug 15th, 2019 @ 2:45pm by Ensign Fiona O'Dell & Ensign Briaar Gavarus & Petty Officer 2nd Class 'Big Ethel' Jablonski
Edited on on Sat Aug 17th, 2019 @ 4:33pm

Mission: Mudd on the Souls of Mankind
Location: Ten-Forward, R&D Dept.
Timeline: 2396

Officially, the U.S.S. Hera's R&D Department was shut down for the day. It's chief, Ensign Mona Gonadie had left for the day and all was well.

It had been a full day since the bizarre incident in which the departments two most notorious members, Ensign's Briaar Gavarus and FIona O'Dell, had miraculously pulled off the near-impossible feat of successfully using the brand new Variable Mode Fighter known as the Silver Banshee to transport the sleeping Mona Gonadie from there to her quarters. Mona had been the victim of overwork and intense neural strain caused by the Banshee's mental interface and couldn't be roused without a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. And the unconventional team pooled their skills, along with those of Intel operative Jaeih Dox, to put Mona to bed with nobody learning about her taxing herself to that point.

And without anybody else learning she was newly pregnant before the new mom was ready to tell them.

The morning after the incident, O'Dell and Gavarus were justifiably terrified that they would be up on charges for taking the Mech without permission and taking it for a stroll through the ship's corridors. But in short order, as Chief Gonadie had returned to work, looking much better rested, they found the false testing order they had created had been verified and signed off on my the Ensign and. And with a simple comment of "Good work with those maneuverability tests yesterday, Ladies." and a sly grin, they knew that they had gotten away with it with Mona's approval.

Which now left the pair with a new challenge. During their clandestine stroll through the corridors, they were stopped and questioned by Petty Officer Ethel Jablonski. The massive wall of muscle that Gavarus had been drooling over for months. And in her panic over covering what they were up to, Gavarus inadvertently worked up the nerve to finally ask the Amazonian security guard on a date. And to her shock, Ethel had accepted.

As such, the pair were hard at work reworking the department's holographic flight simulator rig for an even more clandestine plan.

Standing at the console, still in her gold Engineering uniform, Briaar Gavarus was an absolute wreck. "Tonight! Fee! I'm meeting her in Ten-Forward for dinner TONIGHT!!! And this is never gonna work!!!"

“Calm your teats, ye scurrilious swine,” O’Dell reassured with a bit of teasing. “This is how me brother Donalbain hooked up wi’ his second wife. She learned to put up with his tendency to stick his foot in his mouth, since we owned up to what we did later, when she wondered why he was nae s’romantic or smooth after the first date. It’ll work! All ye hafta do is run the signal to a PaDD- I dinna need the holographics, and that might get us in dutch wi’ the chief. Ye wear the earpiece, ye wear the contacts, I kin see what ye see and hear what yuir sayin, and I kin steer ye straight an’ true, aye?”

“Ye dinna hafta be a superspy for this to work. Now, let’s get this set oop and run through the Padd so’s we kin get this show on the road. Ye g’win ta wear yuir uniform?” O’Dell, to her credit, did not ask as if it were a bad thing, but instead, it was a simple question.

None of which stopped the temperamental Tellarite from freaking out. "Shit... Yeah, no. That would be totally lame, wouldn't it? Or would 'professional' be better? It's not like there's any outfit I'm gonna look good in. I can't believe I said anything. I'm gonna make a fool of myself."

As she rambled, she looked down at the PaDD in front of her and paused for a second. "DOUBLE SHIT! Right. The PaDD." Picking it up, the skilled engineer at least knew what she was doing with that part of the plan and quickly synced it up with the feed from the contacts and the earpiece as instructed.

"GYAAGH! That's frickin' weird." Gavarus exclaimed, looking into a PaDD showing exactly what she was looking at. Which was, of course, the PaDD itself, repeating on itself into infinity. "Here. So... Should I wear something else? I've got time to change and a replicator budget? Or is the uniform better?"

The Porcine engineer sniffed her own armpit as she spoke, nodding slightly in mild, if unenthusiastic, approval.

“Waaaahhhl, that’s up to ye. Wearin’ the uniform reinforces yuir similarities- ye’re both in gold, ye’re both Starfleet. Buuuut it also leaves yuir rank on the chest. Not that Jablonski seems to give much cause to that- she treats us like she does the gals in her department, and no different because we’re officers. On the other hand, that’s always when we’re in the gym, and in workout gear. So,” O’Dell held up a finger to the tense tinkerer. “The real choice is, do ye want to keep it a bit professional, or do ye want her to get a better idea of who ye are oot’a uniform?"

Adjusting one of the two contact lenses slightly, Gavarus sighed. "I think she already knows more about who I really am than is good. But I don't want to come off as stiff either. M... Maybe just a nice blouse? Something black? Simple?"

"Will that make ye feel comfortable?" O'Dell asked directly. "Maaybe a V-neck, somethin' stretchy and casual but still nice? Short sleeves says casual, long sleeves says elegant."

"Yeah. Elegant, but still relaxed. Yeah, okay. Hold on. Let me... I'll be right back." Gavarus ran nervously over to the control console and grabbed a new PaDD and started typing and scrolling frantically. After a minute, she handed the PaDD to O'Dell with a picture of a baggy, frumpy, high necked black top that.could best be described as a rucksack with a person in it.

"W... w... what do you think of that?"

"I think... Computer, scan Ensign Gavarus for tailoring, aye? Easy done," O'Dell kept talking over the computer's acknowledgement. "Noow let's give 'er the frock she has here, aye? Reet, there we go." Holographic projectors all over the starsjhhip enabled this sort of thing, so why not use it for noble purposes, though O'Dell. "Alreet now, Let's make it oota somethin stretchy, but a sturdy material, say thickness of half a millimeter. That boat material heavy spandex blend."

The garment changed, and as it now had weight and was more susceptible to gravity. "Aye, let's tailor it. Conform it to her dimensions, give it up one size, and leave the sleevews loose, jest a tetch more than our uniform sleeves. Ach, and make 'em a bit longer too, come down to the tumb joint here. Aye, noow we're gettin somewhere. Alreet, howbout this V-neck. Can we bring it doown... aboot here?"

The virtual seamstress dictated, and the top was cut to show a hint of cleavage. "Noow open the neckline up a bit... aye, wider about the neck, reet... good. Alreet, give 'er a mirror Computer and let's see what we got for Pigarella so far tonight."

Looking in the mirror, Gavarus was taken slightly aback by the holographic top. It was probably the best she had ever looked and, as with everything, it was thanks to Fiona O'Dell. As she thought about that, her stomachs tightened slightly though she didn't know why, chalking it up to nerves.

"Fee... I think this... This actually kinda... This looks pretty good, I think." The touched Tellarite was feeling emotional as she turned around to look at the top frpm different angles. "I think... Have this replicated and... I don't think I'm getting any reddier."

“Pshaw, I’m nae done with ye yet. Computer, extend this top into a tulip skirt, knee-length.” The computer complied, and the skirt clung to Briaar’s hips and rear, then flowed down gracefully from there, giving her figure a surprisingly feminine flair. “Ay, there we go. Not, a pair of anklets, something in copper’ll bring yuir skine tone’s warmth out, and maybe a 1 MM chain on each. Match it with a bracelet on the, ahhh, left wrist.”

The computer complied, and sure enough, the anklets added a bit of visual interest to draw the eye to Gavarus’ dainty hooves, while the bracelet made it clear it was a fashion statement, not a bondage invitation.

“Now, let’s talk aboot yuir hair, aye?” Fiona indicated the frizzy blonde poof that perennially followed Gavarus around. “Ye g’win to wear it up in yuir ponytail or down and loose?”

Looking at herself in the mirror, Gavarus didn't know how to react. She trusted Fiona but her own self-loathing was telling her she looked ridiculous. But O'Dell hadn't steered her wrong yet and she wasn't about to question it. Biting her tongue proverbially, she let out a light sigh and tilted her head, resigning herself to her best friends ministrations. "What do you think?"

“I think yuir more comfortable with it oop, which is why ye allays wear it that way. And it’s how she’s used ta seein ye, so that’ll work best. Now, we’re g’win ta skip any jewelry or makeup or any of that somesuch, because that’s not you. So let’s see, what do we lack…ah!” Computer, give me a … black ribbon for her hair, about 8 MM wide, in a cute bow.” That materialized, and Fiona shook her head. “Nae, too frou frou fer you. Computer add a four leaf clover charm to the right anklet, 2 mm in size.” The computer complied, and O’Dell stepped back to admire her handiwork.

“There! I think that’s got ye ready fer yuir date wi’ that great mountain a muscle, and a leprechaun gave ye a four leaf clover for luck, so that ought to get ye lucky!” Grinning gleefully at Briaar’s reflection, O’Dell’s eyes suddenly narrowed as she caught the expression on the Tellarite’s face. “Hold on, what’s this? Is the dress too much? Is it makin’ ye uncomfortable? It’s okay, we can go back to the mumu agin if ye like, or yuir uniform…?”

Popped out of her moment of contemplation, Gavarus looked herself up and down. "Huh... No... No, this... This is good, right? I mean. I can't tell with myself. But, you think this makes me look... at least a little less... Me, right? Or, at least a better me, right?"

“Briaar,” O’Dell's eyebrows rose in the middle, and a frank smile settled onto her face. “Ye do look like you, and that’s a good thing. Jablonski already knows ye, so ye are nae meetin' her for the first time. This joost shows ye put a bit of effort into it, that ye’re excited aboot the date. Yuir not false advertising, and ye look wonderful! I wouldnae steer ye wrong, would I?”

The midget Mariposan beamed a smile up at her pal that she hoped would inspire confidence. “Besides, ye’ll have me in yuir ear ta feed ye lines and keep ye oota trouble, aye? Yuir g’win ta do great!”

The anxious Engineer smiled awkwardly, doing her best to quelch her flip flops stomachs and trust O'Dell. "Okay. Okay. Then... Let's do this, then!"

And with that the work began, replicating the holographic items the persistent pilot had picked out and putting the Porcine officer together. After a few minutes of tugging and pulling and a fair amount of cursing, the ensemble was complete for real now and Briaar Gavarus was ready for her first date with Ethel Jablonski.

Taking her position in the [wherever Odell will be], Gavarus took a massive breath and began heading to Ten-Forward for her impossible date. In the turbolift alone, Gavarus hoarsely cleared her throat. "Fee... Is the feed working? You can see and hear everything clear?"

Taking her position in the R&D lounge, O’Dell dropped her bony rear end into a chair, propped her feet up and made herself comfortable. Whereupon she offered her partner in crime a thumbs-up. Gavarus took a massive inhalation, then headed to Ten-Forward for her impossible date. In the turbolift alone, Gavarus hoarsely cleared her throat. "Fee... Is the feed working? You can see and hear everything clear?"

“Aye. Yuir breath is fine. You smell nice, you look nice, and this is g’win ta be fine. Cyrano de Broingloid’s on the job!” O’Dell crowed, although she was reasonably sure Gavarus wouldn’t have a clue what she was talking about. “Besides, the big gal would nae have agreed to a date if she dinna want to be there with ye, aye? Right! So that means yuir already ahead a’ the game, y’ken?”

Stepping off of the turbolift onto deck ten, Gavarus took another deep breath, whispering as she walked slowly to the doors of Ten-Forward. "I asked her if she... If she wanted to get dinner sometime. What if she doesn't think of it as a date?"

Pausing at the doors, Gavarus tried to look in to the small windows to see if she was already there as they unexpectedly wooshed open as a crewmember walked past. Now standing awkwardly in the open doorway, she looked in with a nervous grin, whispering. "Fee... S.. s... She's here "

"Security gal showed up early fer a date, g'figure. What's she wearing?" asked the voice in the pig's ear.

What she was wearing was simple, yet striking. A simple toga, gathered at the shoulders and criss-crossing her breasts came back to wrap about her waist, which gave way to a surprisingly short skirt, with the tied off toga acting as a sash. The bronze bracers, adorned with engravings of the moon and the sun, covered her forearms and acted as an accent to the off white tunic and skirt. Her hair, usually worn up on duty, was down and falling in layers down her muscular back. Sitting at a table for two with a softly glowing candle, the mighty amazon looked as though she was expecting someone, even as she waved and chatted with passersby.

"She looks... Like a frickin'... goddess! Shit! Look at her. What am I doing here? I'm a frickin'..." Gavarus began rambling before freezing. "SHIT! She sees me."

"Aye, probably be cause she's lookin fer ye, cuz yer supposed to have a date. S'git oover there an' say hello, tell her she looks pretty and order a drink, but stretch out yuir buzz, ye dinna want to get drunk an' sloppy, aye?" The expert wingman was actually playing a thunder chicken video game Mona had improvised out of scanner data and a virtual environment. It was a bit addictive, Fiona was deciding, although she still had the Gavarus view in a window in window and her cochlear earpiece in.

"R... R... Right." Gavarus whispered through a gritted, broad smile she had plastered on her face as she walked stiffly towards the table. After a few seconds, she stopped in front of the table. "Uh... Hello. Tell you you look pretty! Uh... You look really... Hello."

Looking up, the broad-jawed amazon smiled, revealing her crooked buck teeth. "Hi Gavarus! Ohh, don't you look nice, hahn? Come on over and sit down... I got us a table, I hope that's okay?"

As Gavarus pulled out the seat, it made a thunking slide across the carpeted deckplates that, in the panicked porcine's mind, was the loudest sound ever. And returning the smile revealed a similar dental dilemma of wide teeth and a set of filed down tusks jutting slightly from her lower jaw. A smile she had only let Jablonski and O'Dell ever see.

Why are you thinking about Fee? You're on a date. Pay attention, Briaar! She thought to herself

"Uh... T... Thanks. We're not... Not on duty, so... Uh... Briaar is fine. Good. If that's okay with you." Gavarus nervously stuttered as she sat down.

"Oh yeah sher, of course! You can call me Ethel, then. The girls in the department started calling me 'Big Ethel' and it stuck, so that's good too. Or you can call me Jablonski if that's easier, or you know, whatever works for you, right?" The big Amazon was cheerful and generally lighthearted, which one wouldn't expect from a Security officer. Maybe it was easier to be easygoing if you were the biggest one on the block. Jablonski might actually be the biggest lifeform onboard the USS Hera, come to think of it.

"So, here we are! How about some dinner? I hate to be 'that girl', but I'm starving, so can we order first then make small talk?" As she spoke, the mighty maiden made contact with a server, who came right over. Jablonski served watch shifts in 10-Forward as well, so she was well known and liked here.

"Uh... yeah, sure." Gavarus replied as the server came over, it was one that had regularly learned to dread the appearances of Gavarus and O'Dell as they had a well-known habit of getting very drunk and very obnoxious very quickly and was nowhere near as well-liked there. But the two-meter tall Tellarite was usually never dressed that nicely and the server had to do a slightly subdued double-take upon realizing who he was waiting on. "Uh... Huh... May I take your orders, ladies?"

Looking sheepishly up at the young human male server, Gavarus muttered slightly. "Yeah. Um... Still... You can start with her... I'm... still thinking about what to eat. Uh... waiting for that little voice in my head to tell me what sounds good."

"No soup, because ye slurp. How aboot start with an appetizer, somethin wi' cheese because everybody likes... ah, chips and queso to split. Then get yuirself a sandwich or soomething? Ye canna really go wrong here," Fiona added with some encouragement. What's she orderin?"

Tuning back into the table, Jablonski was still ordering. "A dozen hardboiled eggs, a large Caesar salad with no croutons, with grilled chicken breast on top, a thousand gram blackened salmon steak, a large side of broccoli, 500 grams of sweet potatoes, 500 grams of peas, 500 pounds of mashed potatoes, a liter of water and an O'Dell's beer. Anything for you?"

"Uh..." Gavarus sat somewhat slack-jawed for a second at the amazing order that the mammoth security officer had just made. "Uh... chips and... uh... queso. Um... to split as a... as an appetizer. And... um... eggplant parmesan sandwich? Side of curly fries?"

"And a..." Gavarus desperately wanted to star drinking to take the edge off but had all but thrown up on Jablonski's shows the first time she tried talking to her and thought better of it. "An... iced tea?" As she ordered the unlikely beverage, she turned back to Jablonski and grinned awkwardly.

“Make it a pitcher of O’Doul's, two glasses,” Jablonski amended her order with a smile. The server nodded in acknowledgment and departed to take care of their orders. Then Jablonski looked a bit sheepish over her enormous food order. “Sorry, I kinda eat a lot… I mean, I always have, but these days I seem to always be building, so I’m always hungry. With that out of the way… so, tell me about yourself. Where are you from, what are your hobbies, what do you do for fun?”

Smiling a bit more relaxed, Gavarus shrugged and started talking more freely. "Well, you can see where it all goes. I mean, you put a lot of work into... yourself. It's really amazing that... uh... yeah."

“Thank you,” Jablonski smiled, that close-lipped smile that was more common for her, as she accepted the compliment graciously.

Realizing she was likely going to switch from being shut down to talking too much, the anxious engineer switched to Ethel's questions. "So... um... ME. Okay. Um. I'm from Tellar Prime. The, uh, Keron Provence. My folks are both politicians and that... that was NOT for me." Gavarus chuckled at the dramatic understatement.

"I've always liked fixing things. Taking things apart and figuring out how they work. It's just... it makes me feel like I know what I'm doing with at least something, ya' know?" Gavarus continued, trying her best to not ramble or clam up entirely. "I've been showing Fee... Fiona. Ensign O'Dell. I've been showing her how to repair the different systems on the ships she flies. She's really got a good head for it. Ya' know, when we're not in here getting in trouble."

“Oh, you two don’t get in that much trouble in here. Neither of you are that physically confrontational- well, Ensign O’Dell can be if she’s provoked, but she’s not much of a threat when she’s not in the Thunderchicken, doncha know. Or it’s running around without her? The report on that one was a little vague," Jablonski chuckled. “You two aren’t bad, just… confrontational drunks, is all. And it’s not uncommon in Starfleet- high-stress jobs often lead to a lot of off-duty drinking.”

As she spoke the waiter arrived with a serving of chips and queso that it seemed he had taken the initiative to supersize the order, and once that was on the table he poured a few glasses of beer from the pitcher, and served each of them a frosty mug of cold near-beer. Picking hers up, Big Ethel held out her glass for a toast. “Here’s to a nice evening, eh?”

Raising her own glass, Gavarus clinked it lightly against Jablonski with an awkward laugh. "Uh... Yeah. So far. Heh."

Taking a drink, Gavarus wished it were the real thing rather desperately as she sat there trying to think of something to say and too nervous to so much as eat a chip.

“Aw jeez, relax, willya? You’re getting laid, so just take it easy and enjoy the getting to know you part of the evening, why doncha?” Jablonski declared as she dipped a chip in the melted cheese.

Immediately, Gavarus all but shot the beer she was drinking out of her snout, only barely covering her face in time. "PPBBBBFFTT! W... What?!?"

In the R&D break room, O'Dell spritzed coffee at the same time. "Jatsis that's a bit for'd. ennit?"

The sizable Security sentinel chuckled at that. “Oh my gosh, sorry! I thought it might take some of the tension out if I just let you know this isn’t an audition or something. Sex is sex, it’s a healthy thing that consenting adults do. I’ve seen you look at me, you threw up on my shoes, and I kinda figured you were asking me out for a reason. So maybe if I let you know it’s in the bag, you might calm down and loosen up.” Smirking, Jablonski sighed. “Not the case though, eh?”

"I... I..." Gavarus's nervous stuttering was getting worse as she blushed a deep pink. "I... S... S...see wasn't even kind I my... It's... It's not just a thing that... Happens. I just... I..."

From her seat, Gavarus's eyes began darting around as if she was looking for an escape route. "Feeee..." She whispered, covering her mouth as she did.

"Calm dooown, calm doown, ye kin do this. Literally all ye have ta do to get the girl is not freak oot, Briar. So calm doown, looked dazed and happy and eat some crisps while ye wait for yuir food." Fiona did her best to guide her big buddy as she would one of her brothers, although usually she was speaking at them silently in bar speak nearby. Seeing and hearing it from Briaar's perspective was odd, to say the least.

"Yeah. Yeah. Okay." Gavarus replied to the voice in her ear, trying to calm herself down. "Okay. I... I wasn't expecting that. Not even a little."

As she spoke Gavarus chugged the remainder of her quite full mug of syntoholic beer, doing her best to pretend it was the real thing. Stifling a belch, the panicking Porcine held up her two fat fingers to the bartender and called out , "Whisky. A double. REAL!"

Taking a deep breath, Gavarus grabbed a chip, scooped a monstrously large pile of queso on it and shoved it in her face aggressively while she waited for the double shot whisky which she slammed back the second it arrived as Jablonski watched.

"Shiiiit. Okay. That's frickin' better. This... This is stupid. I've talked to you before. I... I don't have to be... an idiot." Sitting up straight, Gavarus put her fat fingers to the bridge of her snout. "Right?"

"Right," Jablonski nodded, having watched the comedy routine of the porkchop express try to calm herself down. Apparently straightforward was not the tension cutting approach she'd hoped for, but no matter. She was here for the date, after all, so she made a game play of starting a more innocuous topic of conversation. "So how did you end up in Starfleet?"

Taking another big mouthful of chips and queso, Gavarus was trying to relax, but just felt like she was ramping up instead. Gesturing to the bartender for a refill on her whisky, the nervous Tellarite chewed and swallowed before answering.

"Uh... I wanted to shut my family up. My dad's a senator. My mom's in Congress. Of my nine sisters and seven brothers, a few of them are also in Congress. A few more are high ranking Starfleet. ALL of them have me endless shit for not having ambition." Gavarus was talking a bit too fast now, overcompensating for her anxiety as the next drink appeared.

Taking a swig of the whiskey, gritting her teeth slightly as it went down hard but good, Gavarus shouted over to the bar. "C'mon. Where the @#$% is the frickin' food!" With two double Whiskey shots in her, she was rapidly becoming her more relaxed, crotchety self.

“Aw, they are doing their best, yannow? We did order a whole lotta food,” Jablonski deflected a bit. “Your folks still trying to matchmaker with you from a few dozen lightyears away? ‘Oh, that nice Thompson boy from the Aggie farm down the way is still single you know’. Like, seriously, how you gonna keep a gal down on the farm after she’s seen all this?”

"Take it easy on the whiskey, Briaar- ye don't want ta get too drunk too fast, aye?" came the gentle voice of warning in the floppy ear of the Tellarite.

Which was when things began to go sideways. Five more shots later, the food had arrived, and Gavarus was finally talking when she likely should have stopped.

"...so that's when Fee and me figured out the whole frickin' thing was a frickin' HOLOSUITE!" Gavarus slurred as she spoke, clearly drunk enough to be dangerous to herself now as Jablonski watched her date deteriorating.

“Well, it sure sounds like you two had quite the adventure,” Jablonski smiled, eyebrows raised as she finished chewing a hard-boiled egg. “You are kind of inseparable, you and your pal the pilot. I’m surprised she isn’t here tonight… I kind of half-expected she would.”

“MAYDAY MAYDAY Dinna ye tell her I’m in yuir ear coachin’ ye, no no nooo…” O’Dell warned her drunken pal.

"Oh please... I'm not a complete frickin' idiot." Gavarus replied to the voice of her partner-in-crime, not thinking. Then, immediately realizing what she was doing, tried to course-correct with a cheesy grin, "I... wasn't going to have her come with me. That... That would have been... weird, right?"

“Nae weird a’tall…” O’Dell muttered in Gavarus’ ear.

The eyes of the security officer narrowed, as she suspected the question was some sort of test. “Well… you two kind of do everything together, so I wasn’t sure. You made it pretty clear you were interested- and horribly nervous about it,” Jablonski admitted with a smile and a shrug. “And she’s always trying to help you out in that arena, so I didn’t know if you might bring her along, like a translator or something.” The mighty maiden nodded as she tucked into her meal in earnest. She ate like she was starving, which given her size, she was probably perpetually hungry.

"Well... uh... we really just get along is all." Gavarus was feeling inexplicably nervous again as she started talking about O'Dell but thanks to the Whiskey, her mouth was far faster than her brain at this point. "Like... I get her and she gets me. Like, we piss everyone off but we speak the same language, ya' know? But she's really cool. She took care of me when I got hurt and just... she's really awesome."

“Awwwww,” the voice in her ear matched up with the one across the table briefly, then Jablonski pressed on. “It’s nice that you two get along though. She does try to take care of you, and it’s clear that you two are the best of friends. I’ll admit, I’m a little jealous, yannow? I don’t have a bestie on board like that. Well… I mean, I talk to Hera a lot, but she’s not a friend, more like… a second mom, yannow?”

"What, are the rest of the security crew assholes or somethin'? You're always workin' out together n' shit." Gavarus asked as she took another swig of Who as she then took a massive bite of her sloppy sandwich.

"Hey, now. Nooo, the departments a buncha stand-up officers, Ethel Jablonski puffed up and sat up straight for that, which made it abundantly clear how much she had been subtly folding herself inward to somewhat soften her hulking physique. Which went on sudden and full display when the honor of her compatriots was brought into question. When her charges were attacked, she moved to defend. "Every one of 'em I'd trust with my life, and yours too. But, I mean, I'm friendly with lotsa the gals, but... I'm not so good at, uh, making friends. Like, not, like cousins, right? Not like a sibling because then you fight all the time, but like a cousin you just totally get along with, right? A friend like that. I don't have anybody I click with like that. Like you and the Leprechaun- wait, am I allowed to say that? Is that a slur? I hear you call her that, but you two are pretty blue to one another."

"Yeah, we @#$& around with each other, but I... don't think it bothers her. It's her pilot call sign, and Gonadie calls her it sometimes too." Gavarus replied, slightly taken aback and aroused at the same time by Jablonski's physical display. "N' if she didn't like it, she'd sure as hell say something. Right, Fee?"

Again, Gavarus unthinkingly spoke to the voice in her ear and froze slightly, hoping Jablonski would think she was just asking a general rhetorical question.

"Shhhh! I'm nae here, remember? It's joost you bein' suave and alla that," O'Dell's voice sounded in her ear, but Briaar's date was already reacting.

That got her a chuckle as Jablonski seemingly did not notice the slip. "Well, she sure isn't shy about speaking her mind. I like that... for such a tiny little tiny person, she's pretty feisty. So are you, which is what I think makes you fun. You care a lot less what people think of you, than how they act and how they treat you. Like, you want fast service and you don't mind being unpleasant to the wait staff, knowing what they probably do to your food back in the kitchen."

Saying so, Jablonski began mixing the sweet potatoes, peas and mashed potatoes together, and took a big spoonful of the mash to roll around in her mouth, washing it down with a few hearty gulps of water.

Letting out the breath she was holding since her verbal slip, Gavarus' nerves were kicking back in hard thanks to alcohol loosening her tongue. So she decided that the solution was, of course, more alcohol. Slamming back the rest of her drink, she gestured for another by waving the empty glass in the air and trying to figure out what to say next. The serer rolled their eyes as they went to fetch yet another Whiskey for the surly engineer.

"Yeah. It's not that I don't care what people think. I just generally know they already don't like me... aren't gonna like me... and it ultimately doesn't frickin' matter. So why pretend and put on some bullshit performance. Plus, there's nothing they can do to my food that I didn't eat on purpose at the academy to try and impress someone by doing stupid shit." Gavarus commented, shifting from overly gregarious to more surly as her fresh drink arrived.

Taking a swig, Gavarus continued to rant. "I know how this shit goes. People put on big ass fake smiles and pretend to like each other just to try and make it look like they wouldn't rather be anywhere else but there. But when your back is turned, they tell everyone else what they really think of you forgetting that it all comes back around. I know what people think of me. I'm the bitch. I'm the literal fat pig. I'm the disgrace to the uniform who should just shut up, do her job, then go hide under a rock for the night."

“Briaar, nooooooo, dinna put yuirself down like that, it’s nae romantic-“ Fiona started to protest, but Gavarus was on a roll.

"Me and Fee... we've gotten a lot of shit from people all our lives that decided that we weren't good enough from the first look. So we both decided to not give a @#$% out the gate. And I guess that helps us understand each other more. We know the score and we like each other for everything that we are, even the shit everyone else avoids." The words, self-pity and indignant irritation and all, just started to fall out of the normally jovial drunk without thinking.

The sturdy security superwoman was a bit taken aback by the directness of it all, but she continued to listen, nodding along as she continued eating, a process which occurred at a surprisingly rapid pace. By the time Gavarus finished, Jablonski had a slight half-smile on her lips. “It sounds like you two are a pretty good match, hm?”

Scoffing, Gavarus shook her head and took another drink. "I dunno. I guess. She hasn't gotten tired of my shit yet, at least. I mean..." Lost in her own head, the porcine engineer kept going on. "She hit that point where most people wash their hands of me and didn't blink. She's just... she's always there for me. She never lets me down. She never hurts me. I try to be there for her, but I'm not a tenth as good as she is. But I'm trying, ya' know? She's great."

“Awww, Briaar…” sounded in her ear as across the starship, Fiona O’Dell was genuinely touched by her best friend’s expressed sentiments. Meanwhile, in front of her, the security officer was putting pieces together.

“So, does she know how you feel about her, Gavarus? Have you told her all of this? Or are you two just not physically compatible? I mean, I sure know how that can go,” the broad-shouldered mountain of muscle mentioned, as it was clear that she would have to be careful with just about anyone in an intimate setting, given her sheer size and strength.

Confused and getting flustered, Gavarus tried to process the pretty petty officer's question. "Have I told her what? It's... we're not... she doesn't... Fee can't think of me like that. She's... we're friends! We're BEST friends, sure... but she can't...I don't know... No. What do you mean?"

The voice in her ear was surprisingly silent, as before her the big girl backpedaled a bit. “I’m sorry Briaar, I didn’t mean anything. It’s just… when you talk about her, it sounds like more than friends is all.” Holding up her hands in surrender, the prodigious petty officer pleaded. “I didn’t mean anything by it, just… I dunno, I always wanted someone to think that way about me, yannow? Somebody who’d have my back that I was always trying to be good enough for her, who inspired that kind of loyalty and devotion. But I’m not so good at people-ing, yannow? So I probably messed it up. Sorry… guess this is why I’m in the gym all the time, huh?” Jablonski laughed, a bit nervously, sounding like Barney Rubble.

Sighing, Gavarus slumped. "I'm ruining this, aren't I? Me and Fee... I don't know. Maybe we are more than friends. I mean... it wasn't really her that said that, it was the Thunderchicken..." Gavarus was rambling, half under her breath. "And I'm probably being stupid thinking..."

“Wait, noow… what did I… it… say?” O’Dell asked, sitting up straight, feeling somewhat panicked at what the ambulatory mech that may or may not have still been connected to her brain might have said to Briaar.

Grabbing her glass, Gavarus realized her drink was empty and she glanced around, not seeing the bartender. "I don't... I almost threw up on you. I know all ABOUT sucking at people-ing. And I like you. I really do... a lot. But... I just don't know if..."

Getting angry at herself, the Tall Tellarite wiped her snout as she tried to look at anything but Jablonski, "This was stupid! I'm stupid! I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry!"

“I like you too, Miss Piggy,” the solid security officer offered. “You're gruff, but you use that to pretend you don’t care. But you do. You can go if you want- I won’t try to stop you. if that’s what you want. Maybe… that’s the question you ought to ask yourself, Gavarus? What do YOU want?”

"I... I thought I knew. I... I've wanted this since I first saw you." Gavarus blushed a deep pink as she looked down at her own hooves. She paused for a second, bringing her stubby hand up to her ear, wanting to pluck the earpiece out, knowing O'Dell was listening, but didn't.

"@#$&... Like you didn't know from how stupid I am whenever I'm around you. But now... It's... It's different. And I don't know what I frickin' want. I... Gods damn it." Frustrated, drunk and uninhibited, Gavarus reached up and pulled the earpiece out for all to see.

"Sorry... She's been trying to help but I got too drunk. I'm sorry." The perplexed Porcine knitted her eyebrows as she looked across at Ethel. "I've wanted this date for months. I still do. But now I'm @#$&ed up in the head and I don't know how to deal with this shit."

Without pausing, Gavarus talked into the earpiece. "When the 'Chicken was you and Gonadie was about to shut it down... It... you leaned up against me... Just like you do for real. And... It... you said you loved me. Like... LOVE love!"

"Oh... that... ohhhhh," said O'Dell, but not through the earpiece, but from behind her, where the little leprechaun was standing, PaDD in hand. Stepping up beside Gavarus, the Mariposian maiden looked from one woman to the other.

Swallowing hard, O'Dell took a deep breath, then eyed Gavarus. "Ah do love ye, Briaar. Yuir me mate, me best buddy, me partner in crime, and I love spending me time wi'ye. We make a good team, ye and me. But there's some things I canna give ye, and ye've got needs. And that's natural, so I want ye to date, to see people, to do what grown-ups do when they like one another. And I like Big Ethel. Her heart's as big as her biceps, and she'd nae hurt ya. That's why I'm yuir wingman, to try ta help ye charm yuir way inta her panties and stop ye from ruinin' yuir chances. Least, that was me plan."

"Maybe not me best plan..." The verbose little lass with the squeaky voice appeared to have an audience for her little speech, until Jablonski cleared her throat meaningfully, and suddenly people found other things to do.

"Gonadie... did the 'Chicken was just running off of a memory loop or some shit..." Gavarus sniffled, her eyes welling up slightly. "But that was bullshit. I could hear it... your voice... your body language. I knew it was you. Even if it was just acting out your dreaming, it was you."

"Fee, I... " The Porcine Engineer looked down at her best friend in the galaxy, then over to Ethel whos expression was one of sympathy of all things, then back to O'Dell. "I... I... @#$&... I could say it to the robot... Fee... I l... love you too."

Fumbling with her hand, Gavarus groped for her glass, forgetting that it was empty. "Shit. This is so @#$&ing confusing. I feel like shit."

"My stomachs still do flip flops for you, Ethel." Gavarus looked over plaintively to the mammoth woman. "I asked you out b... because I wanted this. But... Shiiiit."

"Tell you what," Jablonski spread her hands, gesturing in a controlled manner. "It sounds like you two might need to go somewhere and talk. Or maybe stay here and talk- the lounge seems to kind of be your element, after all. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll be around when you figure this out between you two, however that works. I'm not mad or upset or even miffed, and I'm not gonna be, so relax, okie doke? I honestly thought it was surprising when O'Dell didn't come along on our date to keep you cool, but turned out, she kinda did after all. So maybe you two should talk and hash some things out between you, eh? Because pretty much, where one goes, you find the other."

Rising from the table, Jablonski gently mussed the mop of bright red curls of the ensign, which broke lots of protocol rules but amused the undersized officer. Then, stepping over to the seated stymied swine, Big Ethel clapped her gently on the shoulder, and offered a kiss on the cheek. Just enough to warm the skin and leave a hint of her perfume, which smelled like lavender body wash. "It was still a nice date. Thanks, Briaar."

Then the sturdy Security strong gal sashayed away, her tight skirt showing off a taut, muscular bubble butt and thick, muscular thighs and calves.

With her flabby jaw hanging slack open, Gavarus watched Ethel leave, transfixed on the site. She was even more a goddess to the portly Porcine in that moment, her cheek still warm where Ethel kissed her.

"I, ah, might have to turn in me wingman wings," Fiona chuckled nervously. "I'm sorry Briaar... I dinna mean ta ruin yuir date wi' yuir dream girl."

Snapped out of her moment of daydreaming, Gavarus knitted her eyebrows at O'Dell. "What?"

Pausing for a second, Briaar Gavarus thought of Ethel. She was a model of physical perfection. To the Tellarite's eyes, she was more radiant than the cosmic being she guarded. And to make matters worse, she was actually nice. She was thoughtful and nervous and even a little funny. Gavarus still craved her. Still wanted her. Still lusted after her.

But she didn't think about her. She didn't look into her future and imagine Ethel standing beside her. She didn't picture Ethel next to her on a barstool on Risa when shore leave came around. She didn't think of Ethel when she imagined who would be with her when she was finally allowed to brag to her family about her accomplishments on the Hera. It wasn't Ethel she imagined with her when she grew old. Not anymore.

As Gavarus thought, her eyes felt thick and wet and she snorted back as she looked over at O'Dell. "Oh... shut up, Fee. You didn't ruin a frickin' thing. I... I just started to wake up, is all."

The emotional Engineer didn't know how to say what she was feeling. That deep down, her dream had changed.