31 Degrees At Christmas/Do You Smell Fudge (when there is no fudge)?

Posted on Sun Sep 30th, 2018 @ 10:22am by Petty Officer 2nd Class Ila Dedjoy & Lieutenant Samuel Clemens XV

Mission: Hera v Hera
Location: USS Hera, Section 31 Sundries Vault
Timeline: 2395, Enroute to Target: Hera!

As he strode across the deck, looking for Crewman Dedjoy, the ship's Chief Intel Officer pondered how, exactly, one goes about plundering The Cave of Wonders. For instance, how was it organized? Scanned-in inventory, in neatly-labeled crates? Giant piles of coins, with items laying lopsided among them? A card catalogue, then rows of stacks? Or perhaps some sort of overhead pick-and-place arrangement, with zip lines?

He wondered if the Commodore knew.

As he got closer to the location listed on the deck plans, he activated his comm.

=/\= Chief Clemens t'Crewman Daidjoahy. Please meet me at Th'Vault. =/\=

=/\=The Vault, sir?=/\= There was only one place she could think of that could be referred to as the Vault and that was the old Section 31 armory... Was that where he meant? Checking his current location, it seemed it was. =/\=I'll be there momentarily, but have you been authorized to unseal it? It takes two, you know.=/\=

He chuckled at, well, pretty much the entire exchange, and replied, =/\= Th'ExOh sent me tah find ya, Crewman. Ah'm yer new Chief of Intel, an' ah need tah be brought up t'speed on everah little thing we kin use tah whoop thuh tarh outta that crazeh wannabe goddess. Ah'll be waitin' fer ya, heah."

Rounding the corner from the lab she was in, Ila tapped her comm badge to close the comm channel. "Then shall we attempt to unseal the armory that doesn't exist?" With a tilt of her head, she turned towards the security console next to the heavy security doors.

"Computer, unseal Section 31 armory. Authorization Dedjoy gamma seven niner niner hopscotch whiskey sierra homeslice one." As she said this, she placed her face up to the eye scanner so it could confirm it was her in more ways than one.

The computer processed the input for a moment before replying. "Confirmed. First verification received. Awaiting second verification."

Stepping aside, Ila motioned for Samuel to do the same. "If you would be so kind, sir?"

The wiry-haired Intel Chief stepped forward, and leaned into the scanner, which appeared to be the equal or better than the one at Fleet Intel HQ, as he spoke his authorization code: "Ah, computah, uhnseel Section Thuhteh Won Ahm'ry. Auth'riz'ashun Clemehns Twayhn Sawyuh Daytuh Guy'nin Rihkuh Luhndun Crushah LahFoajh Troah Pickahd."

The beam scanned his facial features, and both his retinas, as the system analyzed his voiceprint and ran a duress check on his speech pattern, as the breath scanner compared his rhisomes and DNA to the ones on file.

There was a *CLICK*, then a whirring, while the sound of massive duranium bolts being recessed back into the bulkhead filled the corridor, freeing the door mechanism to operate normally, and a faint smell of ozone in the air, and the momentary sparkle of a non-visible field suddenly de-activated from the door assembly.

The ship's computer announced, "Security measures suppressed for authorized users only. Any additional parties must also provide proper credentials before entry. Full security measures will reactivate in ten minutes after entry unless verbal countermand is given by currently-authorized personnel. Doors will secure once personnel are fully inside. Proceed."

"Hmph." Clemens muttered. "How hawspitibuhl." He brightened, and turned to Dedjoy. "Aftuh you, Crewm'n. Yer th'tour guide t'this cave."

Nodding, the doll faced woman entered the armory, the dim red and blue glow of the sealed racks of alien weaponry along the walls illuminating her eerily. Heading straight to the lone terminal in the center, she clicked it on and brought up the inventory. "So what kind of weaponry are we looking for today? Plasmatic elasomator? Probability manipulator? Mono-filament lance? Genesarian rifle? Desert Eagle?"

"...didjyew say mono-filament? We'ah lookin' fuh shahp things. Thuh shahpuh an' hahduh, thuh bettuh. We'ah also lookin' fuh stealth hahdwheah, an' things that'd disruhpt an' ennajeh soahce. Ah's'pose it'd be too much tah ask fuh somethin' that stops mattah from bein' foacibly-reahh'rang'd, wouldn't it?" Clemens rolled off, as he ticked each item down his fingers. "Altho...didja say...probabiliteh mahnip'yewlaytuh?"

Ila pulled up a wireframe holo-display of a boxy looking weapon that looked more like a camera than a gun. "This is the probability manipulator. Target the victim, press the button... Within five minutes, the person will die from something improbable. If they don't, the user will. According to the manual, the odds of the user's death is ninety nine to one. Section 31 picked it up some years ago dealing with an incursion from an extra-dimensional gambler. As for mono-filament weaponry..."

Clicking a few more controls, one of the footlockers unsealed along the back wall. "That case has plasma bladed and mono-filament weapons that can either cut or melt duranium. Now let's see if we have anything that can prevent matter conversion..."

The engineer was making rapid notes on his PaDD, including the catalogue numbers and number of units available. The manipulator he noted, but figured it'd be a better trap than weapon..."Mmmmhmmm...gettin' this all down."

"There's an energy disruption matrix... But it says it can tear apart molecular bonds if set too high. Probably best to let that stay in here." Ila continued her search. "Reality fragmentation device? No, we don't want to tear apart the space-time continuum... Apollonian matter converter. That might help." Unlocking one of the side wall's seals, a set of golden laurels slid out of the racks and was retrievable. "The warning with it is that it can cause massive migraines, madness, and head explosions."

A furrowed brow once again started to appear on Clemens, but he realized that this equipment was for Ascended beings- a very exclusive club. Intel was aware of them, and where their allegiances lay, at least, as far as it was possible to tell. "Best not tah fool with that one, unless ya make reg'yuhluh trips through thuh Great Bar'yeeuh. Enneh luck with findin' somethin' t'keep owah peepuhl from gettin' turnt ta stone or animals? Owah mebbe sumpin' tuh turn 'em back?"

"That seems to be the closest we have unless you count the polydrive system." Ila resealed the golden laurels and pulled up a seven pointed capacitor looking device in the wireframe holo-display. "It has a chance of turning things back to their original form. It might also turn them into something else. The scientist that made it was supposedly crazy and was obsessed with poly-mutation based on infinite probability. This is another of those Section 31 interventions that went unnoticed."

That's when the terminal chirruped and the doll faced Illaran brought up another device. "Ah, right. That easter egg." Thinking on it a moment, she unsealed one of the cases along the back wall. As it opened, a white light shone for a moment, revealing a small white marble. "That was a gift from Odin. It grants temporary divinity. I mean, not literal divinity in the..."

Clearing her throat, Crewman Dedjoy continued. "It gives the person that consumes it similar powers to those of Odin's kin for a while. The captain put it here for safe keeping. That could most likely prevent petrification and polymorfication."

Clemens stared at it for a second. "That'd let somewon use thohse lawrails, wouldn't it?" He made some notes on the PaDD.

"...keep goin'. That'll be owah ace in thuh hole." He sent a quick message to the Captain noting the combination of the marble and the laurels as an emergency fallback plan.

"Let's also tag thuh Polydrive system. It might make a dandy duhty trihck against some uv huh moah nasteh minyuns," he noted, also sending an addendum to the Captain.

"I'm not seeing anything else that would do what you describe," Ila replied as she logged a few more entries into the inventory. "We have some nice era specific replica weapons, but nothing spectacular."

He looked thoughtful, then asked, "Aw-right. Let's think 'bout this diff'runt'ly. What sorta miracle dee-vices yuh got that'd make it easiuh t'git around, oah git sneekeh, oah maybeh help wi'sum medical needs that might jump out at us, without access t'thuh ship?"

"I think the normal equipment loadout on the runabouts would be enough for that. Most of what's in here is arms and armor. The captain keeps a few of her more delicate treasures in here as well, but unless you need something lethal, that's it." Ila scrolled through the inventory again, just in case, but as far as she knew, there wasn't anything that really stuck out like that.


~tag