Learning to Love

Posted on Fri Mar 11th, 2016 @ 8:07pm by Staff Warrant Officer Nexi & Lieutenant Daln Hadren
Edited on on Fri Mar 11th, 2016 @ 8:09pm

Mission: Talosian Perversions
Location: Corridor/holodeck

Daln was worried about Nexi. Someone she knew had come back from the dead, and he knew that had to affect her. He was headed down to the Intel offices with a basket of muffins for Nexi. He had another one in Security, and another in his quarters to bring to Sickbay, but this one was just for Nexi. He had two bottles of mead in the other hand, and he wasn't in his uniform. Hopefully it would help Nexi to have a little down time to get stuff off her chest. He was just about there when he bumped into her...literally.

"Oof!" he yelled. "Sorry," he said picking up the bottles and the one muffin that had spilled. Then he saw who he had bumped into. "Nexi. Hi." He grinned at her, still a little unsure of how she felt about their relationship.

Nexi took the muffin in his hand and, uncaring that it had just been on the floor, took a big bite out of it. "Hey," she said around a mouthful of muffin. She picked up the PaDD she had been carrying and dropped in the tumble, inadvertently revealing Starfleet study material for enlistment as she tucked it under her arm. "what's up?"

Daln held up the bottles and the basket of muffins. "I was thinking maybe you would like to go to the holodeck? Relax a little?"

"Sure, why not," Nexi responded with a shrug. "I was on my way to the 'Star to do some reading, but this works too." She started walking with him towards the holodeck, still munching on her muffin. Mmmm, uttaberries... "You know, I've been meaning to ask someone, how the hell do you 'Fleeters get anything done with all these damned things you gotta read?" she asked as they walked.

Daln bit back a laugh. "Some days I wonder that myself. The ones who have to read the most are admiralty and captains, then department heads. Crewmen don't need to do a lot of reading, but they're not very high up in the ranks, either. However, the more reading you have to do, like the captain or Commander Fairchild, the more you can delegate. It's also a matter of balancing the reading with other things. For instance, I have five reports to read when I get home," he said, sighing. He punched in the holoprogram and they entered.

It was a sunlit meadow with wild flowers in bloom, and a whispering creek somewhere behind the trees to the right. He sat down on the ground and picked out a muffin. He loved his grandmother's recipe, even if he couldn't always get it right.

"I hope I never have to be in charge," Nexi said as she flopped on the ground beside him, munching on her muffin as she watched a few puffy clouds float by in the sky. "I like getting my hands dirty and doing things. All this sitting around and operating computers and reading stuff is boring."

Daln chuckled. "Yeah, it can be. That's part of why I went into Security. It's much more hands on. Also, I'm hopeless when it comes to technical stuff like repairing computers or medicine. And don't ask me to be a therapist. The most science I know is gardening, baking, and sewing, but I do know my way around a cockpit." He looked at Nexi as he took another bite. "How's the studying going?"

"Boring," Nexi said with a dull sigh. "It's all just rules, rules, and more rules, another thing that makes me wonder how you guys get anything done, there's a fucking rule for like everything. At least working Intel I'm allowed to break some rules or I'd never fit in here."

Daln nodded. "Yep. Have to keep everyone in line. And if they step out of line, it's my job to put them in the brig. Or stun them, which can be fun," he added with a teasing smile. He took the last bite of his muffin. He was wondering what they were. Were they lovers? Friends with benefits? On the way to something more? Or was he fooling himself? To distract himself from the turn his thoughts were going, he asked her about Ven. "I heard your friend came back from the dead. Impressive. But I don't know how that's going to affect the crew."

"Don't know what the rest of the crew thinks, but it's messed up," Nexi said. She finished off the last of her muffin and continued to stare skyward. "I mean it's good that he's back, I think, but it's weird. I went to see him in Sickbay after Amelia brought him back, but I didn't know how to react. How's a person supposed to react to something like?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. I have no idea how I'd react if one of my dead friends came back to life. Like Danila. She died during the Battle of Betazed. And I've hated Jem'Hadar ever since."

"I think what sucked most about Ven's death was there was nothing we could do about it," Nexi said with a heavy sigh. "How do you fight those soul-sucking fuck-tards that killed him? You don't, there was nothing anyone coulda done!" She took a breath like she was about to continue, then paused, looking confused about something, and her thoughts on the matter were so clouded and turbulent that there was nothing Daln could see with any clarity. "no, I think was really sucked most was that he was one of the first real friends I ever had," she eventually continued. "The life I've led, you don't really get friends, or at least nothing beyond that sense of camaraderie from working a lot of jobs with someone... Then I came to Hera and suddenly I got all these people I cared about and wanted to protect, and I couldn't protect him. I never lost someone I cared about, not since my mom..." She sounded really sad and she felt lost. She sighed again and tried to stop thinking about all this mess.

He put an arm around her shoulders, wondering if she needed a shoulder, literally. He'd hold her all night if she needed him to. Everyone needed it now and then. Even marines. "You never let yourself get close to anyone?" he asked. He couldn't make heads or tails of her thoughts, but he could feel the pain and confusion. He'd never seen her in such a vulnerable state before. It only made him feel more protective of her.

"No. Being vulnerable and letting people in gets you killed out there. It was a lot simpler, I didn't have to worry about people betraying me because I assumed they'd do it anyway. And it didn't matter either way, I'd do my part and walk away once I was paid. It was simpler, easier..." And lonelier...

Looking into her eyes, he chose his words carefully. "Having friends and people you care about means that you are alive. Being alone all the time, and never trusting anyone...it kills you inside until you're just going through the motions of life and that's no way to live." He stroked her cheek. "Besides, do you think any of us would let you leave?"

"Sometimes I want to leave," Nexi admitted, not realizing that she was leaning in to his touch. "It really was easier, I didn't have all the responsibilities I have now, and I didn't have to worry about the people I care about getting hurt, but I don't want to be alone like that again..." And she could never leave Aewia alone, and though she couldn't admit it yet, she didn't want to leave Daln either. "It doesn't kill you inside to be that alone, just kinda makes you numb, numb enough that you don't care if you're alive or dead..." But now she was starting to care, she wanted to be alive now!

Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he asked, "Do you really want that again? Knowing how great it feels to be alive and whole with people who care about you?" Dark eyes searched dark eyes. "That might possibly love you?"

"But it hurts when you lose the people you care about..." Nexi said, looking away from Daln, her word of course referencing Ven, but really she was trying to avoid his confession of love. Nexi didn't know what love was, she didn't know what to do with his love. She sighed; this was far more complicated than the life she used to live, but stars above, she couldn't go back to the way things once were...

Daln closed off slightly, pulling back his hand. "That's part of life. But being with people who care and that you care about, sometimes it feels as if you could fly. It's not easy, but the Four Deities never promised it would be. They only promised it would be worth it."

Well it wasn't like she was going anywhere; Nexi wouldn't leave Aewia, she at least that far she was in this for better or worse, but now with these feelings that were tangled up between her and Daln, Nexi didn't know what to do. She knew that when she was with him her heart beat a little faster and when they were apart she would keep thinking of him throughout the day; she knew that she enjoyed learning about him and that she wanted to know more, and she knew that she liked the way he would fuss over her and pamper her despite her claims otherwise. Nexi had grown up living a hard life, she really did not understand what love was, and nor could she see just how bad she had it when it came to Daln.

Nexi looked at Daln not really knowing what to say. She was no conversationalist, so she had reached the limits of what she could manage in one sitting, but she did feel the need to do or say something to Daln to assure him that... well, she didn't know what she was assuring him of, but whatever it was felt pretty damned important.

"I'm here," she said with a sigh. "I'm here and I am trying to do this right. I don't know the right thing to do, but I'm still trying." She was so afraid she was going to mess things up with Daln, she just hoped he could understand what she was trying to tell him.

Hadren nodded. "You're here. And you're learning. Everyone is always learning, and anyone who says they are masters of it is lying. You never reach mastery, but the journey is quite a ride."

Nexi offered a half laugh with a lopsided grin; yeah, her time with Daln had been an interesting ride so far... "Yeah, but at least you have a basic understanding of how the ride works," she said, leaning against him. "Aewia thinks we're going too slow. She asked if we were moving in with you anytime soon," she added with a chuckle.

Daln laughed with her. "Do you want to? You'll love my cooking."

"I already like your cooking," Nexi replied, but then thought about it. "Alright, but only if you'd be okay with Aewia staying with us. She's becoming more independent, but she's not ready to live on her own yet. But I don't want things to be weird between you two since you were together once."

Daln shook his head, still smiling. "I doubt it. It was quite a while ago and I think she'll get the idea I don't want sex from her. I mainly used her to lose my virginity--and then some--and then ignored her while I went out with my friends. I was a teenager."

Nexi chuckled again. "Nah, she knows you don't want her, and she ain't got no interest in sex anyway because of the brain damage... I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't be weirded out living with an old fling or with a grown woman that sometimes acts like a child."

Daln shook his head. "Nah. It might be like having a sister, and I've never had a sister. Just my brother, Vien, and he's great, but I always wondered what it would be like."

"Alright, then I guess we're moving in," Nexi said with a grin. Then after a long silence, she looked at him. "Have we done enough of the talking part for it to be time for the sex part?" she asked.

Daln's grinned widened as he leaned closer to kiss her. His left hand found her hair, twisting in it, as his right went to the top of her shirt and he unbuttoned it, pushing it off her shoulders.

Nexi leaned back to rest on the holographic grass, pulling Daln down with her so that he was pressing her into the ground. This part she had no problem understanding...


Nexi
Infiltration Officer

Lt Daln Hadren
Chief Security/Tactical Officer